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Original poster

Do you regret leaving your ex DH

30 replies

Nearlytherenext · 22/01/2021 23:49

A situation I haven't seen discussed before:

Have you left a long term partner/husband/wife and now regret your decision for whatever reason.

Whether that be children, finances, an easier live etc

OP posts:
NovemberR · 22/01/2021 23:53

Nope. I spent all of lockdown last year congratulating myself on having left him 20 years earlier. He would have been an utter cock to be locked up with.

It made the darkest days much lighter to realise it could have been worse.

TotallyKerplunked · 22/01/2021 23:56

Nope. Separated 18 months ago, couldn't be happier, it was like having an extra (very demanding) child.

HmmSureJan · 22/01/2021 23:59

No. Neither of them. With the second one I wish I had done it far sooner. I might still have decent mental health if I had.

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cuddlymunchkin · 23/01/2021 00:00

No. I don't know anyone who has - people don't usually jump to divorce, in fact, quite the opposite.

HmmSureJan · 23/01/2021 00:00

Nope. I spent all of lockdown last year congratulating myself on having left him 20 years earlier. He would have been an utter cock to be locked up with.

This. I actually feel panicky at the thought of how lockdown would have been with him and we split up over 12 years ago.

MakeWorkYourNewFavourite · 23/01/2021 00:16

Yes, sometimes. I left a very kind and decent man because he wasn't very practical (couldn't use a computer... which meant he lived in fear of losing his job, couldn't drive, couldn't help me fix stuff...). He just wouldn't pull his weight with that side of things. He had a phobia. His mum had taken him to see a doctor when he was a kid because she said he has problems with his hands. There was no diagnosis, but he just believed it. And it fucked him up. It became a big problem. I fell out of love with him after a décade together and it was more or less because of his issues in this area. But with heinsight, he was loving and supportive in other ways. Same humour, politics, tastes, intellect. He couldn't take his drink either. He didn't drink often, but when he did, it was a fucking disaster. There was nothing I could say or do to dissuade him.
Since then, I've met some real dicks and I sometimes wonder if I should have looked past his flaws. If he promised to never drink again, I could.
But I wouldn't have had DD if I'd stayed. So, it was the best thing I ever did. I had her using a donor.

everythingbackbutyou · 23/01/2021 07:54

Hell to the no. My worst days now are like a ray of sunshine compared to my time with him.

JoanneCofton · 23/01/2021 08:01

We weren’t married but together for years. I have never for a single second regretted walking out the door that day. He was emotionally and financially abusive and a gaslighting fuck. My only regret is wasting my 20’s on him and for not respecting myself enough to walk away the first time he lied to me or treated me like shit. I have a ds with him so he’s still in my life but truly, not a day goes by that I don’t thank my lucky stars that I walked away. I have a lovely life now and yeah, it was hard for a long time, upped and left my house/car/life etc because I just had to get away, went on benefits, lived in my mums spare box room with DS which was hell but slowly it all turned around and now I’m just about to finish my degree, DS is thriving and has a good relationship with his dad, I Own my own house and have the loveliest DP I could ask for. Whereas him he’s gone on to have 3 more kids with 3 different women, is still a desperate liar and every so often he rings to me see if there’s ‘still a chance for us’.

No there is not. Prick 🤢

barbrahunter · 23/01/2021 08:06

Absolutely not. As others have said already, life has been immeasurably better since the day I eventually got rid of him. And yes, the thought of what it would have been like if I had still been with him during lockdown doesn't bear thinking about.

Jammydodger1981 · 23/01/2021 08:08

FUCK NO

Grin Grin

Lockdown with him would have been the worst nightmare ever. I pity his new girlfriend

KarmaNoMore · 23/01/2021 08:08

Not at all. He was not that bad during the marriage but we were unhappy.

I am considerably poorer compared to when I was married but I have been considerably much happier since the divorce. Look at it this way, there is hope you may end up finding a new nice person with who things could work out. With the ex, you already had the conviction that with ex they couldn’t. Time makes us forget a lot if things but I bet you tried for years without success before you left your ex.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 23/01/2021 08:15

Hmmm recently I had to pay a plumber 50 quid to pull the washing machine out to do a very simple fix . Kind of missed ex dp for that 10 mins which meant I could have saved 50 quid ...but.....nah, hes someone else's problem now !

Tallybeebloom · 23/01/2021 08:15

I don't necessarily regret it but I do sometimes think back and miss him and wonder, 'what if'. My ExH was kind and loving and my best friend so in a lot of ways we had a really good relationship. But we were very different. He was very rigid and risk averse and I am the complete opposite, I always want to be doing and experiencing new things. He would never do these things with me and so I would constantly be doing them myself - going on holidays myself, etc, he would always have daft excuses why he couldn't but really he was just the sort of person who said no to everything. When we first got together I told him I wanted to move away at some point, he said that he would move with me if I did. Over the years it became more and more apparent that this was never going to happen, he would always tell me, 'when this is done' or 'after this' but then when it came to it he'd have another reason and I realised eventually that I just wasn't able to truly live my life with him. He was a good man and a good husband but we just needed different things out of life. I sometimes wonder though if we could have fixed things with counselling or something but I'm really happy in my life now (covid restrictions aside), I just sometimes think it's a shane he's not part of that as I always thought he would be.

MossandRoy · 23/01/2021 08:18

No!

AnneLovesGilbert · 23/01/2021 08:21

No. Not once. Not ever. I didn’t leave soon enough.

And I also spent the first lockdown sending sympathy in my head to his wife every now and then because I know exactly how awful he’ll have been, and they have a baby together which we didn’t.

sanityisamyth · 23/01/2021 08:27

No. I should have done it 8 years before I did. I wouldn't have my DS then though. He was the only good thing to come out of meeting ExH, although it means I'm tied to him for the next 11 years.

OneRingToRuleThemAll · 23/01/2021 08:28

This is the one time I agree that no is a complete sentence. There is nothing at all I regret.

Survivingmy3yearold · 23/01/2021 08:35

Absolutely not! My biggest regret is I didn't leave him sooner, he's a no good narcissistic cheating piece of crap who's since been diagnosed with anti social personality disorder. After we split he said during a visit with our DD that it would suit his agenda if I was dead whilst holding her on his lap. He admitted to the mediator that he will take any drugs he can get his hands on and will sleep with anything with a pulse

CupoTeap · 23/01/2021 08:41

Never for a single second.

hiredandsqueak · 23/01/2021 08:51

No my only regret is that I didn't do it earlier. I thank my lucky stars, like others, that I didn't get to experience lockdown with him, it would have been a living hell.

Gilead · 23/01/2021 08:56

Not one bit. He was an abusive arse. It took me 23 years to get out and I’m staying out. Lockdown with him would have been a nightmare. Happy and safe now.

iwannabeyours · 23/01/2021 09:48

While I sometimes look back and think that he was more easy going than current DP, I actually feel that really what I mistook for easy going was actually laziness. So no, I do not miss his fecklessness and abdication of adult responsibility.

Stupidly I went along with trying for a child because I felt he might step up if we did have one, but as the relief grew with every negative pregnancy test, I realised that I needed to get out. I don't regret my decision for a second, especially when I still hear of him and his mates going abroad on the usual "lads weekends" and having a different girlfriend from month to month. That's the life he wanted to lead.

Mabelface · 23/01/2021 09:55

No. Was with him for 20 years. He's actually a really nice bloke, but with issues he just wasn't dealing with. We're friends now.

Empra123 · 23/01/2021 12:13

No. Every day during every lockdown I have given thanks that I'm not in lockdown with him. I earned most of the money but his job was far more important and meant he couldn't do anything towards family life. Funnily enough he had plenty of time to talk to the other women though.

Shehasadiamondinthesky · 23/01/2021 12:16

I don't miss either of them. I realised when they were gone how exhausting and selfish they both were.
Life is so much easier on my own, I do what I went when I want without any whiny men children and I can finally save money properly for retirement because neither of them are refusing to work or spending all my savings on bikes and holidays.
No endless sex pestering either, I can just go to bed and relax after work in my PJs.