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Do I sound unreasonable? Struggling with my babies dad

5 replies

LoLo1304 · 22/01/2021 22:57

Apologizes for the long post but advice needed! But I can’t trust my babies dad with our daughter, he spends a couple of hours a week with her and recently not seen her for 3 weeks and stated he didn’t want to see her till she’s one. He doesn’t know what she likes to eat, how she likes to sleep, how to soothe her when she’s having a tantrum etc. Plus he has a temper he’s lashed out at me before, other things like putting his 6 month old (at the time) daughter on a motorbike sat on his knee and wheeled her round the garden and got his dad to take a video, i don’t know whether he would do something stupid she’s still only a 9 month old baby. He’s never prioritized her or proven his commitment to her, never helped or supported me with our daughter at all. I’ve attempted on numerous occasions to get him to spend more time, I’ve offered little and often contact to build a relationship with her, I asked him months ago to stop off on his way home from work (literally he passes on his way) not stopped once in week, he’s failed to show up and be there for her. A 9 month old baby needs consistency.
I left living with him when baby was 5 and half months. Prior to me leaving he spent little time at home with his daughter as a few months after she was born everything started to open again after lockdown, he was more interested in going to the pub and staying out all weekend. He’d work away all week (not every week) spent 1 hour with her on the Friday when he got back and I mean literally 1 hour, then he’d go out again allll weekend. One week he worked away all week, literally not seen his daughter all week, I was out when he got back and he didn’t wait to see her till I got back a few hours after as ‘he’d already made plans to go out’ I’ve since found out he was meeting a girl on these nights out. I use to have to beg him to come home to sit with her for even an hour whilst I got a bath or quick kip etc. But nope nothing, no help or support.
Now after absolutely everything, he states it is getting ridiculous and he should be taking her out or be left with her for a few hours ( I’ve breastfed also) he states tonight over text to expect a letter as he is seeking legal advice on Monday
Do I sound unreadable for not leaving her with him? how would the courts see this situation?
Even if I didn’t have these issues with him it is a struggle for me to leave her anyway, she’s only 9 month old, I’ve breastfed her and we have a formed a close attachment.
Thank you reading

OP posts:
RaelImperialAerosolKid · 23/01/2021 09:30

Trust your instinct. Don't let him intimidate you into anything. Taking legal advice is a whole lot more effort than just showing up - if he cared that much he would have shown you that already.
It is easy to make threats though.
It is mentally hard to stay strong.

BertieBotts · 23/01/2021 09:31

Women's Aid can advise you on child contact with a former abusive partner, which it sounds like he was.

WhereDoMyBluebirdsFly · 23/01/2021 11:33

Maybe you should ask for this post to be moved to the Relationships board (report your own post and ask Mumsnet to move it). You will be able to get much better advice there about how to deal with him.

Is he on the birth certificate? If so, he has parental responsibility and could take your child and not give her back to you. You'd have to go to court to have her returned. So it's worth sorting this out legally right now.

Good luck, he sounds absolutely awful. Flowers

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00100001 · 23/01/2021 11:34

Leave him

partyatthepalace · 23/01/2021 11:37

So sorry OP

I’m sure it will work out reasonably, but seek advice urgently on Monday. And I’d make a list of all relevant information about his behaviour. Date as accurately as you can till now, and date and time going forward.

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