I had a stroke in November

[drivinmecrazy]

Just as the title says. I'm 49 and it came like a bolt out of the blue.
I was extremely fortunate that is was mild but enough to keep me in hospital for a week and to throw my whole life out of kilter.
My time in hospital was horrific. I was in a great stroke ward and had my own en-suite room, wonderfully dedicated staff.
But I was all alone. I had to endure all the multiple scans , blood tests, neurological tests and even a spinal tap. All without having seen my loving family.
It was horrific.
Since then (mid November) my life has been a constant round of visits to the hospital (again alone) for various tests.
I know this is all necessary (according to my consultant) but I'm just so fed up.
Previously I'd never had a health concern yet now my life seems to consist of all this shit.
I feel defined by it now. I hate it.
So sorry for the ramble but it's actually helping.

Anyone in the same boat or can relate???!

My husband had a massive stroke 8 years ago and it was a real struggle for a long time but it does get better so please hang in there!
I often say now that if we'd been able to see into the future to know that life would be ok again the tough times would have been so much easier to deal with.
Progress happens for much longer than expected so keep going with your rehab.
Someone said to me that life doesn't go back to normal but you can find a new path with good in it and to remember that some of the best days of your life have still to happen.
My husband is still seeing small improvements even now so keep going.

Thank you for your kind words. I feel a little bit of a fraud because I've come through it with quite mild effects.
I'm finding the emotional impact more difficult the deal with and reconcile with.
Life is different to how it was before.
I've been incredibly fortunate in that I've not been left with great affects. It's just I'm not the same person as I was.
My DH and DDs laugh at my 'dropsies' and slight in coordination (not in a horrid way!) but I'm getting so frustrated with myself.
Simple things like when I was at (another) hospital appointment and. Was asked to fill in a form I realised/remembered I can barely write. And I had to apologise and explain I'd had a stroke.
That's not me. That's not the person I used to be.
I cannot reconcile the old pre stroke me to the person I am now.
for example I've had to to correct this message SO many times cos my fingers just will not hit the right keys

I'm sorry drivinmecrazy for replying as I've not had experience of a stroke, but could really feel the emotion in your second post. I couldn't just read and run. I'm sorry you feel so cheated (Is that the right word?). I really wish you well, and that you make good progress recovering. My best wishes to you. [flowrs]

Sorry, should have left these

Thank you

Oh heavens, I can absolutely relate.

Unfortunately, I too have to limit my typing, so can't say very much right now.

But to be going on with.

My situation is different to yours.

I was diagnosed with breast cancer this time last year. The treatment worked and I was able to say to my primary age kids that I wont die. And God knows how grateful I am for that.

But now the immediate crisis is over. Like you I'm left with differences I how I.used to be. Chemo brain, less sharp and quick. No fitness. No joy in sexuality. Surgeries mean less motility. Like you say, my fingers wont hit the keys. My brain wont think of the words.

I'm 39 but I feel like I belong with my nans generation sometimes.

I'm not me. I get you totally - it's a strange feeling. It's better than the alternative of course. But. It's I feel in our situation we are facing into the long plod. Readjustment. Personally I was really lucky , great supportive family and friends during a crisis. But they think, she is fine now, she can forget about it. But an existential shock like that leaves psychological traces and when the immediate danger is over that's when they come to the fore.

We will get through this stage as well. Maybe this is when the support groups etc come into their own. Maybe this is also an integral stage of a severe illness. Like an earthquake in your life, it tumbles down very fast and you get rescued to great acclaim (thankfully!) but rebuilding is slow and ploddy and frankly quite boring and aggravating.
But we will build lovely houses again.

Yep me. Stroke in October. Also.v mild effects. I'm early 50s.

I've found the Stroke Association website very helpful. I got in touch with one of their support workers just to talk things through as I felt quite abandoned after leaving hospital (my stroke clinic appt isn't til June!). And emotional side effects are a big thing with a stroke. I wrote poetry and all sorts (if only for the sodding handwriting practice).

On the SA website there's a diary - don't forget to keep a record of how far you've come in a few short weeks.
And also there's a FB group /You Tube channel called Different Strokes for young stroke survivors and they do a good Tai Chi series called Neuroflow which I found really helpful.

I completely empathise. Having to suddenly learn all the workings of the new, current "you" completely takes over your life. Even worse when it's a "you" you didn't want to be, and there's all that shock and anger and frustration bundled in with it.

Adjusting is also a moving target as, thankfully, it sounds like you expect to improve over time. So you'll find that just as you've finally cracked the problem of opening jars, or rearranged the laundry bin to make life easier, you won't need that adjustment any more.

The constant change absorbs so much energy.

I don't know if this will resonate with you, but I've mentioned before that my life got instantly better when I stopped thinking of myself as a normal person who kept failing to be able to do things, and started to think of myself as a disabled person who could do a very great deal.

It meant I could ditch the constant, constant feeling of failure which blighted each day.

It also meant I could start from where I was, decide what end I wanted to achieve, and work out a new route to get there. Never mind that I had 30 years of habit doing it that way; the new me was going to do it this way. Result!

But it's an enormous amount of work figuring all that out at the drop of a hat, instead of building habits up slowly over 30 years. It can also be draining and distressing, because whilst we welcome massive readjustments for positive things like having a baby, this current set of massive adjustments are for circumstances we didn't want.

Hang on in there.

Sorry to hear about your stroke, it must have been very scary.

When I was younger I often worked bank HCA shifts on a stroke rehab ward and saw the different ways people were affected & the variety of age ranges. It all seemed so arbitrary & unfair.

Can I ask if they think there was any cause of your stroke?
My dad had a TIA possibly due to high bp, he's now on bp meds & blood thinners.
My best friends mum had a serious stroke due to high bp (she had refused to take meds which obviously she now regrets).
I really feel for her as she's a changed person unfortunately.

@Septemberries
I was where you are 18 years ago (only with 2 under 2).
And the after effects will vanish - my brain and body went back to normal after about 3 years. The only effect remaining is a slightly lower speed in my hand movements on the side lacking lymphnodes, which forces me to proof read before I hit post.