Childfree by choice... Maybe... (A ramble)

[Hereiamhavingawobble]

NC but regular user and a vocal member of the childfree by choice brigade!

I'm 36, been with DH for 5 years, married for just 4 months.

I've never wanted children and I don't particularly enjoy spending time with children. DH exactly the same.

Pre lockdown I was always on the go - if I wasn't at work I would be out with friends or DH. Lockdown has definitely taught me that I don't need to be out every weekend partying (never mind the hangovers and the empty bank balance). So that's been good. DH and I are foodies and enjoyed eating out a couple of times a week (I do miss that very much).

Recently I've found myself looking at babies on the TV and families doing their family thing and I'm thinking might be starting to waver. I've been thinking of baby names, wondering what our child would look like and thinning that DH would make a brilliant dad (my skills and patience would be questionable!).

From March - October we were both pretty much WFH full time, and since then DH has gone back on shift. I'm alone a lot more - for instance, he's on nights all weekend and I get very lonely. I'm under no impressions that I'd be sitting here with a content, cooing baby the whole time, but I'm thinking how nice it would be to have a little mini us to look after, especially on weekends like this. I can't be arsed to go for a walk on my own, but maybe it would be different if I had someone to take for a walk.

I think more and more how wonderful it would be for us to be a little family.

I realise that a baby is very hard work, and I don't think I even know the half of it. But have I finally become broody? Or is this just lockdown stuff? I've never, ever felt broody in my life and I don't know what it feels like.

Just wondering if anyone ever got to this point after being so staunchly against it? I don't know if I should just wait for it to pass, but what if it doesn't and I'm too old?

(Before I get jumped on - I would not have a baby just to ease lockdown boredom. This is just a very new feeling for me and I'm not sure how to channel it).

Interesting thread.

I am also childfree by choice and pre-lockdown was always out and about, really into hobbies, ultra running etc.

Now my life is much slower and I am often very bored. I wonder if maybe I should have a kid now that everything else that's "better" to do has gone.

However, I am almost 40 and DP is definitely NOT On board with it so I think it's more of a passing whim - and one I'd probably regret once the world reopens!

Following as in the same boat.

I don't envy those with children during lockdown - either new babies who can't see their families, or having to entertain / homeschool children with no outside resources. BUT I have felt that my life is lacking another dimension. I suspect that will go away when we can have more going on in our lives, but it's definitely made me think.

I don't know how to unpick your feelings on the matter as you say it could be you're feeling this way as you have so much time to think and not a lot else to focus on right now.

I never felt broody, expecting my second and still don't feel broody now or maternal! I keep dreaming of a child free existence right now but that's only because I am suffocating indoors with my child, I know whatever way you choose there are things you may miss out on, that's just life I guess.

Definitely not worth making any decisions until life is a bit more normal.

I have 2 dc and they are wonderful, but if you loved your life before the world shut down and didn’t feel you were missing anything then I would wait. This feeling is more likely linked to lockdown loneliness than actual broodiness - think lockdown puppy type scenario.

@garlictwist that's a really good way to put it.

Also yes, I don't think DH would be. He did once say that if it happens, it happens, but he is firmly in the childfree camp, which is exactly where I was until recently!

The problem is if you had a baby on this cold wet weekend you'd be tearing your hair out about how much faff it is to leave the house and it was so much easier when you just had to put a coat and shoes on! Also they're not great company for about 3 years so that's a lot of solo weekends you might be regretting your decision

I suppose I wonder, would this have always happened as I get older or is it a complete reaction to the circumstances?

@Illstartexercisingtomorrow thank you, that's a good way to look at it (and lockdown puppies make me angry!)

Yeah I'd definitely advise to wait and reassess after lockdown. Also agree with PP in that they're mostly just bloody hard work for the first 3-4 yrs!

I'm childfree and had a random period of picking out baby names...it soon passed

I don't know op you just sound bored.

I do think it's normal to have daydreams about alternatives to the life you're currently living. I am very happily child free but I've occasionally thought about what our child would look like, what we'd call them, how I would deal with X parenting situation etc. I still know I don't actually want a child.

Occasionally I look at houses I'd buy and where I moved to if me and my husband split up, and we are very happily married.

I do think it's normal to think about this stuff and especially at the moment, when we have so much more time on our hands to daydream!

I had the same feeling during the first lock down. I do love being alone, even when my DP is down stairs... But there was a feeling of a much needed 'project'. Most of our being FOMO guilt that my sister can't have children and my mum has just one last chance of being a grandparent with my brother. But this lockdown I'm back to my previous seeing: Child free. Child free live provides ample opportunities for living. As long as you get past the fear of what if? And get over the cute idealised montages off family life spread across social media.

At least for me, as a teacher, I get to be with children most of the day, teaching them. But the non-teaching part is a bore for me personally. It's great leaving them at 3pm.
You could make a list or write a description, life with kids Vs life without. Which is most attractive, most 'you'?

Babies are hard work - but it’s not ‘a baby’ in the same way as it’s ‘a dog’ it’s actually something you and your DH create.
Never had the immediate love for any of my
Children, but there’s nothing I’ve experienced in life that could possibly come close to the experience of pregnancy, childbirth and bringing up a child(ren) and the formation of a family unit.