Im feel like Im drowning

[Lilsypud]

I have been on Furlough since April 2020. I work in the Travel Industry so I am lucky that I still have a job, although at least a 3rd of staff were made redundant last September and if this situation continues there could be more. At first it was great and nice to have time to myself. Even when the 1st lockdown hit and my daughter had to be home schooled life was good as the weather was lovely and after lessons we would spend lots of time in the garden, splashing in the paddling pool and having lots of fun. But after 10months I am starting to feel like its all become too much and I just want to give up. It feels like Groundhog day

My mum was diagnosed with Alzheimers at the beginning of the 1st lockdown in April 2020 and combined with the COPD she is classed as high risk/vunerable. We have been told that mum needs brain stimulation and should spend time talking to people as well as puzzles, crosswords, word searches etc. Mum loves to talk and we do ring her almost everyday but we cant go over and see her due to the lockdown rules. Its been an emotional time for the family as im sure you can imagine. l am constantly worrying about mum and also about dad who is looking after her. I also have the worries of possibly losing my job if my work do decide to make more redundancies and also the worry that my husband got made redundant in November and has had no luck finding anything else as yet. Then there is the homeschooling which ends up with me, my daughter and husband screaming at one another.

Being stuck indoors with one another 247 is not what I signed up for. Yes I love my husband and daughter but I do need time to myself and I dont get any. I feel like im being suffocated.

Also My daughter has turned into a child I dont even recognise. She is rude and cheeky and speaks to me in a way I would never dare to speak to my parents when I was a child. I do punish her by taking away her lap top and phone but it just makes the situation worse with her shouting and screaming at me.

I feel like I just want to give up. Life is so hard at the moment. If I am honest I think I may be slightly depressed but when I mention this to my other half its like I have said a forbidden word as he just brushes it under the carpet.

I could really do with some advise on how Im feeling and on how to deal with my daughter (She was 10 in September)

I think I am a good mum and have always had a great relationship with my daughter but these last 6 months I just feel like everything is slipping away from me and changing for the worst.

I know im not the only one who feels like this and there are many out there suffering duting these difficult times so I hope by me asking for some advise it will help them too

I think you need a bit of time to yourself, can you ring fence some time in the day to go for a walk by yourself? fresh air and exercise really help me when I am feeling overwhelmed, you need a way to de-stress.
Your DD is probably feeling the same, can you forget school work.this weekend and do something fun together, although i admit options are limited! Bike ride, walk in the woods, baking, play games etc
If homeschooling is tricky talk to her teacher for advice, sometimes you need to walk away from it and start afresh and routine helps, do you have structure to your day?
Its really hard not to worry about the future but the things you are worrying about are completely out of your control.
If you feel really overwhelmed it would be worth talking to your GP.
I hope others will be along to offer advice soon .

You have to set aside some time for yourself. Even if it is a walk in the early morning, before the rest of them are up, or a long, long Bath - every day.
Why? Because you're the pilot and you need to keep flying. At the moment there's so much stress in your house, and you're all out of resources - so the plane is ...

What you are describing is happening all over the U.K. You're not alone. This is not some failing in your part. Many, many, many of us could write your post.

So, first: congratulate yourself for holding it together. Well done.
Second: make sure the pilot (you) is being looked after by you. Top priority - head space. Which means some time when you can just gather yourself and not feel completely bloody squashed.

Your daughter - again - is going through what many, many children and adolescents are going through.

I support school closures, I think they're necessary -- but I know there's a price.

School is your daughter's world at her age. It's a big deal to have it disappear. So just acknowledge that.
Having acknowledged that, the rest kind of slips into place. Of course she's angry/fearful/pushing back at you. Again, it's not your fault, or hers.

She's going to need regular walks and input, too. Just like you.
Routine is good. Talking to her - and really listening to her -will make you both feel better.

Make a list of things you can do with her. And then a timetable for week days. It will probably help both of you.

Your job ... you're just going to have to put that in a box for now. It's too much to worry about.

Think about next year and what you want to do when everything seems overwhelming.

I keep saying this but Summer is coming. Things will get better. Prioritise your mental health and just put everything else to one side for the next few weeks.
💐💐