Tips for staying positive when everything is terrible

[Duckthisshot]

Everything is rubbish at the moment!
Corona
No money / unemployment
Living in a shit hole (see above)
Baby with disabilities
Arguing with DP (see all)

A lot of this (bar corona) has been going on for years. I can’t change the circumstances but I am fed up with being unhappy. I’ve tried meditation, gratitude lists etc but they’ve not helped that much.

Oh wise people of mumsnet have you managed to be at least vaguely unmiserable when your life went to shit? If so, how?!

Have you tried speaking to your GP?
Tbh antidepressants are the only thing that have made things more bearable, and less miserable, when I’m stuck in a situation that can’t be changed.
I hope things improve

Thank you. I’ve been on them before but it was so hard to come off them I really don’t want to try them again.

I remember a good few years ago I was miserable too

I started to run and do c25k which I heard about here on mumsnet actually. Became quiet me a hobby for me and some me time. Ended up going on to run marathons!

I enjoyed being out, different routes, downloading new music, buying new running bits and the thrill of running races and meeting new people. Gave me confidence to move into a new job too. Was much healthier and happier......you don’t see many sad runners!! Once those endorphins kick in you are a different person

I'm not in your position but it sounds very hard.
Things that have helped me:
Reaching out to friends and family. I try to message pretty much everyone at least once a week (I quite often do this all in one go of a morning). Replies usually come both immediately and as a drip feed which is good. Open up, listen and offer your own story. Avoid moaning but state your case. This will help people be more understanding and may even result in help. People are almost always glad to hear from others even when you haven't spoken for twenty years.
Get involved with something. Again this is easily done on social media. I came across a small charity doing good and interesting stuff and just follow them, comment on their posts and videos. Champion their work. It lifts me up to do this and they often send little thank you messages to me.
Exercise. I never thought I'd say that as I'm obese and hate sweating. But doing my exercise especially outside is super helpful.
How much can you do to address your problems? Even teeny tiny baby steps are steps. So, take one sideboard or corner of a room and make it the best it can be. Create art for it, clean it, rearrange it. Read a chapter of a self help book for marriages or sign up for a waiting list on counselling. Have a look at potential jobs you could do and set up a LinkedIn profile.

Good luck xxxxx

I have found that concentrating on small, ordinary pleasures really helps. Noticing how warm your hands are wrapped around a mug of tea, how lovely the first sip is, how soft the pillow under your head is at night... I was once given the advice to enjoy pleasant moments as if you’d paid a lot of money to experience them.
I know it sounds a bit naff but as someone who has battled anxiety and depression for years, I practice this actively and deliberately. I don’t think it’s a cure for those things but it’s part of my strategy for prevention.

I also guard against things that lower my mood. I’m careful about how and when I engage with social media and news media. I’m deeply affected by music so I’m careful with that too.

Have a google search for hyyge for some ideas to make the ordinary more lovely. It’s a danish concept and it’s worth a look. It was very popular a few years ago as a way of selling socks and fluffy blankets but the concept runs much deeper than that. It’s a kind of conscious rejection of negativity and conflict and a leaning in to cosiness, relationships and family.

I don’t know if this helps OP. It sounds very trite and Pollyanna-ish written down and it’s really not something I just woke up and did one day. It’s been years of practice and just listening to myself more kindly and learning what I need.

Corona Try & step away from the news for a while.
No money / unemployment Is this something that people can help with? I’m not suggesting that you’re asking for cash but are you struggling with meal plans? Free activities? Benefits advice? Budgeting etc. Can anyone point you in the direction of something you need that would make things easier for you?
Living in a shit hole (see above) It’s not forever, if it’s clean and tidy, it’ll do for now. What about Freecycle? Is there anything on there that could brighten up a room?
Baby with disabilities are there any on line groups that you can access? Just to have a chat with parents in the same boat so you know you’re not on your own.
Arguing with DP (see all) I think if you can make things easier on yourself, this would probably ease up.

I know you struggled coming off them last time, but if it’s the difference between coping and not coping, sometimes medication is what’s needed.

I think @thelegohooverer is right as well. If you find one small thing, like the first sip of a good cup of tea, or getting into a freshly changed bed after you’ve just got out of the shower, or standing on your doorstep and taking deep breaths (that’s what calms me) just savour it. Start finding little things to think of as a pleasurable moment. It only needs to be a moment, but these things build up. Can you exercise? Even running with your baby in a buggy will help with endorphins. Smile at your DH, even if you think he’s a dickhead.

Thank you everyone, you’re really helpful. @AzaleaMania I have started painting the skirting boards today and I feel like I’ve accomplished something. I’ve also gone on a little run with the pushchair and the dog, and a long walk, which has helped. And I’ll definitely look into hygge- I didn’t realise it was that deep, I thought it was just overly attractive Scandinavians and well organised sheepskin rugs!

I’m also trying to see this as an exercise in zen - if I can keep my pecker up now it will stand me in good stead for the future. Bloody hard though!