Pathetic but jealous with all these bubbles

[Notthis2]

I know I'm being totally unreasonable but I've just read a few threads and seeing the same in rl where suddenly people having support and help with dcs is so common and almost expected.
I have three dcs and loads of family etc , no one has ever helped us with our dcs ever, not even for a moment. For context I babysat a lot pre kids for my brothers and sisters kids but I get that there dcs are all older now etc.
I totally get that they are our kids and our responsibility but my mother for example has never even gone for a walk with me or one of my dcs or to a playground, not even once in the ten years I've been a parent like literally nowhere, we'd see then maybe 3 times a year at my suggestion for coffee ..
They are all very nice and send lovely messages but totally hands off. In fact the pandemic has made very little difference in terms of seeing my parents and my mother seems delighted with it.
I work freelance but absolutely can't work with my dcs all at home, my youngest is only turned three so can't be left alone obviously so I get up at 5am to work and work some evenings, my dh works ft. The amount of times I've heard this week that I should bubble with someone or make a support bubble, emmmm with who? Or my favourite "I couldn't do that, I'd send them to granny for a night......I know I'm being unreasonable but everyone around me seems to have so much more help and support..
I feel like my dh were already finding it tough, I've had a few minor illness but at the time v difficult with small dcs, I had proper flu before and I literally couldn't move very much from the bed but had v v small children so had to childproof a room and was basically crawling around trying to care for them as dh was away. I told my family but nothing just "get better soon" txts. We did have a babysitter pre pandemic who could help very occasionally so hopefully can again. I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here, its like there's always been plp who's dhs/partners haven't been able to attend scans or births (as no childcare for other dcs) and always been mothers who are totally isolated and unsupported who haven't had any help with a newborn but its suddenly seen as a problem now (I lived abroad for first baby where there wasn't any baby groups etc) .
I just think that when plp say things like " so and so needs a support bubble to work " lots of other people do too but there isn't one for them.

It's tough having no support network.
Most people around my area have local family that they get some support from, so it's difficult to ask favours that don't naturally get requited. In normal times it's restrictive. It's a big factor in sacrificing my career a few years ago.

We don't fall into any criteria for bubbles and the DCs are over 5 and not old enough to go out independently so there's no legal way for them to interact with anyone beyond our household.
I could count family interactions on one hand and have fingers to spare.

It's been fucking lonely and claustrophobic for much of the past 10 months. School is our only relief.

I'm sorry you are finding this so hard. I understand you, my life is very similar. My DM is very hands off and blamed it on me having children later so she older. She loves telling me how much her own mother help with raising us and then says we'll be she was younger! I get it I do but I would have though she would want to see her GC's even for a few hours play. COVID has made the little we did see them change to a few call a month.
I have no advice sorry just keep going, this lockdown will finish and the kids will get older and more self reliant. Well that's what I keep telling myself anyway.

Could you afford a babysitter to get some help? We have someone who comes to do homeschooling with our DS because it enables us to do our work without killing ourselves and he is getting 1-1 support with schooling. Appreciate its a cost but for us we are not spending elsewhere and its saving our sanity. Childcare providers are allowed to work in peoples homes during lockdown so you can find someone online through any of the childcare sites.

I feel for you. When we got a pet, my parents offered to look after it if we go on holiday. They’ve never offered any help with my children. Other family are further away and more useless. And then you see people who are bitter because their parents are “only” having the kids on a sleepover twice a year now or whatever and want to shake them and say “but but but”. Consequently I think over time I’ve gravitated more to people with similar circumstances to us.

I don't have any family and yes feel a bit of jealousy when a number of friends have parents able enough to have their grandkids for a night or two or just the odd afternoon. My husband died when my kids were little so I know how tough it can be. We used to pay a friends nanny to come twice for the weekend when we went away for our anniversary.
But mostly I was sad that my kids didn't have a close relationship with anyone (my parents lived abroad when alive, my in laws not interested).

Same, no support, no one to bubble with I also get very jealous.

Your husband needs to step up. Is his work being impacted by being a parent of 3 in any way? No? He needs to step up.

There are two adults in your house and three kids. This is not impossible if you both pull your weight.

This is why women's careers are going down the toilet during Covid.

I'm envious of friends with parents down the road. I haven't seen my parents since October and that was just for a couple of hours. They live 3 hours' drive away. Hoping we can see them in the spring.

I hope this doesn't come across as rude but have you spoken directly to your mum about this? I think these relationships need to be cultivated over a period of time and it would be hard for anyone to offer to have children they don't know very well to suddenly stay over.

I am the way you describe and I do have enthusiastic support from family, particularly with my son who is a little older and out of the baby stage. We started it all very early; visiting often, sometimes leaving him for an hour, an afternoon, then over nights. He fits in at their house seamlessly now and they have their own little routines. It's lovely and I know how lucky we are, but my point is that it didn't just suddenly happen.

It may be that she is not interested or willing, that happens. But I just wasn't clear from your post whether this had been discussed, or if you were just hoping she would offer.

I have no support here, my family lives 5000 miles away, my in laws are 300+ miles away.
I never felt jealous at all, since I never expected it in the first place.