Room arrangements for new baby - what would you do?

[Greenknees]

We have me, DH, DSD (9), DD(3) and a baby on the way. We have a 4 bedroom house and find that the 4th bedroom is incredibly useful for being a home study/hanging clothes/spare room.

Currently DH and I are in the largest room (medium double), the spare room is slightly smaller and has an en-suite and DD and DSD have a room each (both small doubles).

When the baby comes, he/she will share with us for the first 6 months but after that I think DH and I should move to the spare room and use our room (the largest) for DD and baby. Keep DSD where she is and use DD's current small room as our spare.

What would you do in our situation?

Yes I would have the youngest two share. You can always change it later if it isn't working for some reason.

We don't have a fourth room but have DS1 12, DS2 2 and new baby due when DS2 will be 3.

I would use each bedroom as a bedroom for us and the kids. If I didn’t have to have children sharing I wouldn’t.

It wouldn't be a long-term solution as we are hoping to build an extra room onto the house next year but we are keen to keep a spare room as the house feels a little cramped without it in winter as our conservatory is too cold to use.

Another option is to keep things as they are and have both small ones in the small room to begin with. We could move the changing table and possibly wardrobe into another room which would give them plenty of space for a bed, a cot and a bookcase (DD never plays upstairs, we only read bedtime stories and sleep in her room so no need for lots of space).

When is DD 4?
When exactly are you extending?

If your DD is starting school this year, I think it would be a bit much to put a baby in the bedroom with her. A young 3 might be possible.
If you can keep the baby with you for a year, it would give more time for the extension.

I'd have them share. We have a house with 5 bedrooms upstairs (and 7 total for eventual children) and still two of the three boys share (4 and 6). The baby is in his own room but will share with his future sibling while he's little. We use the other two bedrooms upstairs as a guest suite and office.

In our case the boys wanted to share and it's created a nice bond between them that I want for the baby and his future sibling. That being said all of the kids are good and deep sleepers. So even someone having a nightmare doesn't wake anyone else up.

I’d give DSD the en-suite as a big girl treat- how often is she with you? You could plan to dry laundry in there when she’s with mum during winter.

I’m intrigued by the absolute norm of one room/ child. I had a single bedroom when it wasn’t the norm and one of my earliest memories is of feeling left out. Parents/ twin sisters. Your arrangement sounds fine @Greenknees

How will sharing a room work with night wakings? If I didn’t have to then I wouldn’t have my DC share a room until the youngest was sleeping through which could be quite a while otherwise they’ll wake the other one up.

Your arrangement sounds ideal. I shared with baby sibling from when I was 5 until 10. There were no issues.
I don’t understand why people on here feel that young siblings sharing is disadvantaging them. Maybe if it was a tiny bedroom with no floor space. Shared space can be used for homework etc.
I only appreciated my own space from secondary school age.

Do you have a garden? How about a wooden 'garden office' type structure (would prob cost around £5000) for a study with maybe built in storage cupboards for the gubbins currently in the spare room. Then everyone can have their own bedroom. It's not always easy with little ones sharing and that way nobody will have to move.

DSD chose the room she wanted when we moved here (its got the nicest view) - plus we use the en-suite for most showers as the water pressure is much better so it wouldn't work to move her.

DD is actually still 2 but will be 3 when the baby comes. She sleeps very very soundly - as does DSD so I'm hoping this is a trait from their father that will last! I've actually never known her to wake up because of any noise so I'm not too concerned about night wakings.

The extension will really depend on money as we are unsure how much of our savings that maternity leave will take up. DH is in line for a promotion so we are hoping that we'll be ok for money but nothing is guaranteed. I guess we are looking at doing it in around 2-3 years time if we can.

So perhaps the best plan would be to keep the little ones in the small room for a couple of years and then see what the situation is regarding the extension and how well sharing a room is working out for them.

If you have.4 rooms give them their own room. Don't understand why they would have to share when there is another room there. Fair enough if you had less bedrooms, I'm not against it in that case as 2 of mine actually share, but you have enough rooms

Mine shared for a while. My DD was a great sleeper but still woke at night with her brother did. She took to just running into our bed when he woke up as she knew there would be space as one of us was responding. He took an hour plus to feed at night so this was probably sensible. It was fine but also a bit of a pain so it's up to you which is the best compromise but don't assume that being a good sleeper will protect against DD also being disturbed. Babies are made to be noisy so people can't ignore them!

I dont understand the mumsnet obsession with all children having their own bedroom. Everyone does what works for them, for some that means a bedroom each and for others it means sharing to free up a room elsewhere.

OP, I think the plan you described in your first post is the best one. If you & DH use the ensuite daily it makes sense for you to have that room. DSD keeps the room she chose. Two youngest in biggest room which means floor space for playing and changing nappies. Smallest room is guest/office (which is pretty essential nowadays). And drying laundry indoors in winter is a pain if you have nowhere to put it. Although you could try a heated airer plus dehumidifier in the conservatory.

One thing I would advise is to keep your options open in case you want/need to keep baby in with you a bit longer than 6 months, in case they're a bad sleeper or baby and toddler wake each other up. Get a large cosleeper crib or a mini cot that will last a decent length of time.

I have had 2 sharing when similiar ages. Most of the time its fine but one is hyper at bedtime then so is the other, one won't settle neither will the other, one gets up early and so does the other and then they're grumpy and overtired. Just easier for them to have their own rooms in my opinion.

Little kids love sharing a room and it makes bedtime easier (so I understand!) I don't think it's a negative at all.

@Carrottop73

Your arrangement sounds ideal. I shared with baby sibling from when I was 5 until 10. There were no issues. I don’t understand why people on here feel that young siblings sharing is disadvantaging them. Maybe if it was a tiny bedroom with no floor space. Shared space can be used for homework etc. I only appreciated my own space from secondary school age.

It’s not disadvantaging them, it’s disadvantaging me!

They mess around at bed time, if you have a poor sleeper you have to go in to it often disturbs the other child.

I have two sharing, it’s a nightmare and I hate it. I hate bedtime. I have to send them upstairs one at a time to brush teeth and get in bed otherwise I end up having to stomp up and supervise. They are 12, 12 and 9 by the way and have been this way since they were little.

I would use the 4 rooms for bedrooms but possibly move them around so baby’s room can double as storage and study. And do a clear out so you have less storage stuff. Any houseguests get a comfy inflatable mattress for the lounge.

I couldn’t imagine choosing to put a 3 year old and 6 month old together, never mind older. At 4, mine was definitely not going to bed early (more like 8-9:30), so would be disruptive for a then 1-2 year old.

We have some storage in youngest’s room and I also have an office space in there in case my usual office downstairs is too noisy (it’s next to the lounge and kitchen, so if anyone is home I sometimes need a private space for data protection reasons). That works really well. It means the room gets good use - nighttime for sleep and daytime as a work space as needed.

Thanks all. You have given me lots of different perspectives. This makes me think it’s best to see how it goes and not spend the time and money on anything right now. It will be November next year by the time the baby is ready to move out of our room so I’ll keep everyone where they are until then. Then I’ll trial moving baby into DDs room wile they can fit into a cot and a small bed. If that is working well we will switch our room into a a bedroom for the both of them. If it becomes clear they will need their own rooms then we’ll split them up.

Hi OP.

May I say you sound like a lovely step mum?

My daughters have a 4 year age gap and sharing only became a problem when DD1 hit 8/9 and wanted her own space. Night wakings weren't an issue - she slept through them. I had a 3 bed but like you wanted to retain a spare room/office.

We recently built a 4th room so now at 10 DD has her own space.

I would be inclined to see how the baby sleeps before making any decisions, but if it sleeps solidly, I’d put it in with your 3 year old to start with and see how it goes.

FWIW, we are expecting DC3 abs live in a large 3 bed. Our others have been terrible sleepers so we have a temporary plan of baby being in our room for the first year but putting a bed in our youngest’s room so that DH can escape if he needs sleep (demanding job which requires sleep). We are then looking to extend into the attic and at that point, we would move up (with out en-suite and dressing room up there, so definitely ours), and the kids will each have their own room.