Bit worried about my nearly 5 year old

[ChimaeraEgg]

My DS will be 5 next month and he's a great kid for the most part - bright, reading well, loves numbers, generally really interested in learning. But there are two things which bother me and I can't work out if I am being paranoid or not. My DH thinks I am. They are:

1. he is very confident and comfortable with adults but not with other children. He enjoys school for the learning part but he does not seem to give a shit about not seeing his peers. Whereas from chats with the other mums all their kids are upset and missing one another. DH puts this down to DS being an only child in a massive extended family of all adults - there are no other young children in our family at present and none of our friends have children yet.

2. He doesn't seem to have much imagination. Like we did an activity from school today on the big bad wolf where he had to write a descriptive sentence about the wolf. The examples given were "the wolf is hairy" and "the wolf is mean" and then the children were meant to add their own descriptions but he couldn't seem to think of any; he just repeated the examples. He loves small world play but he doesn't really do imaginative play with it iyswim - it's all very methodical.

The first one I can kind of get my head round as to be honest I was always happier at home with my Mum than I was with other children - I have a couple of very close friends but generally have never been very sociable. But the imagination thing bothers me - I was a very creative child and constantly playing make believe games - had a crazy imagination. DH says he never did make believe games and was rubbish at making up stories etc so maybe it is just a personality thing.

Has anyone else got a child of this age who doesn't seem to have much imagination?

None of the examples seem particularly concerning

Sounds normal to me - especially for his age. They change so much around then and go through so many phases.

What is it that you are worried about? He sounds like a lovely, bright little boy.

Just to add I'm parent to an only child too, I'm sure these things will develop in time but it's natural to think certain things are due to being an only child but often they're just personality traits. As long as he's happy generally that is a good sign.

I have 3 kids - 2 boys. For one that was absolutely how he was. For the other he can play make believe games. All kids are different. I wouldn't worry. (My eldest us 13 and still doesn't really miss his mates....my youngest on the other hand really does.)

I guess I worry that I haven't socialised him enough more than anything else. He's been at nursery since he was 2 but I admit I haven't been very good at cultivating friendships outside nursery. We've always gone to birthday parties and so on (when they were happening) but he's just never enjoyed them.

@Namechange2020lalala

None of the examples seem particularly concerning

I agree with this poster.

He’s still very young and this is his opportunity to start making friendships etc. Some children are shy and more reserved around other children until they sus the situation out.

I’d certainly try not to be too worried atm. I was about to say, could you try to facilitate meet ups but of course you can’t do that any time soon, so that’s a shame.

It is specifically other children he is shy with, he will bend the ear of any and every grown up he comes across.

OP my child is exactly the same and is an only child. He is absolutely fine with adults but as soon as he is around children he tenses up and does not socialise.I think its the lack of interaction with other children from a young age aswell as lockdown which hasnt helped.

MadamMaltesers ah it's a worry isn't it. The thing is that although my son hasn't got other children in his family group, he has been at nursery since he was quite young (3 full days a week), so I feel like he ought to have picked up more confidence around children from there. He was always very happy to be there but he was definitely more attached to the adults there than the other children and it is the same story at school.

Hi OP, DS1 was exactly the same as your DS at that age and has recently been diagnosed with ASD (Autism level 1/Asperger's).

Imaginative play is a dead giveaway: the clinical psychologist played games with DS at assessment and he was unable to pretend that the objects he gave him to tell a story were anything other than those objects, it was fascinating.

Perhaps have a conversation with school in the first instance and ask if they have any concerns about his social/communication skills. Feel free to PM me with questions.

Imaginative play is a dead giveaway: the clinical psychologist played games with DS at assessment and he was unable to pretend that the objects he gave him to tell a story were anything other than those objects, it was fascinating.

Hmm, so he will actually pretend that objects are other things- e.g. today he was collecting things for his "treasure chest" pretending they were pirate treasure. But he wouldn't actually pretend to be a pirate or anything like that.

I spoke to his teacher last term and she said she had zero concerns.

Or, like earlier, he leant my phone up against my cup of coffee and said it was a really high ramp for cars and started rolling his cars down it.

I don't know if that counts as imaginative play or not really? I guess when I think of it what I'm thinking of are your kind of make believe play, where he takes a doll or another plastic toy and makes them have a conversation/acts out an invented scenario, or dressing up and pretending to be someone else. He doesn't really do that.

@ChimaeraEgg

Great that school have no concerns, that's very encouraging. Staff at my son's school had concerns from the beginning. He went to school reading/doing maths/writing but 'doing his own thing' socially.

The 'test' of imaginative play in DS1's assessment was that the clinical psychologist told a story and used everyday objects to illustrate it so he took a pencil sharpener and pretended it was the dog in the story, then pretended a paper clip was a shark in the sea. When DS had to 'retell' the story he was like '...and then the paper clip emerged from the sea and ate the pencil sharpener'

I think 5 is quite young and they're still finding their feet socially etc. You seem very switched on so if he needs help in future I'm sure you'll be able to access it.

Both of your examples are just personality.

Sorry to use some stereotypes here - but if your imaginative play was with barbies and ponies and flying around but his is with cars it doesn’t make it any less. It’s just different. He sounds like a totally normal little boy to me.

but if your imaginative play was with barbies and ponies and flying around but his is with cars it doesn’t make it any less. It’s just different. He sounds like a totally normal little boy to me.

Totally get what you are saying but actually my imaginary play was more like knights and dragons, spies, explorers - that sort of thing.

Thanks for all your answers. I think for now I will keep an eye on him and see how he goes. He seems perfectly happy which can only be a good thing!

It's really hard to get your child to forge friendships, my DD age 4 is quite standoffish with a lot of kids, she only really hits it off with certain ones, mainly her cousin. Most kids find their 'tribe' eventually, and friendships can develop and blossom. I am so thing probably age 6 or 7 is still a good age for imaginative play so there's still time for your DS to flex that muscle. Probably pre covid you would be mixing with other kids and parents more at soft play etc and you'd be able to gauge how he was getting on, it's so hard being isolated but if your wee one seems happy then genuinely that is the best we can hope for at this time so hope that reassures you at bit.