Boastfulness- why does it annoy me?

[KindergartenKop]

Does anyone else find boastfulness really annoying? A facebook friend described herself as a 'polymath' in one of her posts recently and it really wound me up because she isn't, she's just got access to wikipedia. It makes me unreasonably angry and for some reason a bit jealous! Not brave enough for aibu but am I? Why do I feel like this? How do I stop?

Bump?

It annoys you because it cringeworthy and dickish and you would never do it yourself.

But maybe you need to be a little more confident about your own strengths? Your friend’s comment was irritating but maybe it affected you so much because you don’t advocate for yourself enough?

Yes it makes me cringe so much when others boast!

I do lack confidence. This person obviously has much too much! She hasn't achieved much in life, despite being of average intelligence, and perhaps this is a way of making herself feel better.

I have a friend and she does this. She likes to talk about her achievements and passes on her mostly unwanted advice all the time. We used to work together and a very senior manager once said to me he avoided talking to her as every time she spoke it was like talking to someone auditioning for The Apprentice 🤣

I think it depends on how you were brought up - and there is maybe a generational / cultural element. My parents were rather old school and would never brag about anything. Self depreciation all the way. I am the same and I think sometimes this makes people think I have no confidence, but that's not true.

This is completely unqualified, and sorry Americans if this is total balls, but I have always got the impression that in the US is is more acceptable to tell others about your achievements.

I think there is probably a good middle point where you can own what's great / what you've done well but without endlessly bragging.

I do think for some people they are over compensating for a lack of confidence and they brag / make stuff up even, and that is quite sad.

Also, it really does annoy me when people do the Elevenerife thing. You know - if you've been to Tenerife, they instantly have to tell you they went to Elevenerife and it was much better.

I have a couple of friends who have to be the expert on everything and nothing you say is ever going to be right. Drives me mad.

My DH does this. It's embarrassing.

She is the kind of person who knows more about everything than me, except she doesn't. So something related to my degree subject (an area I've also worked in for 15 years) will come up in conversation and she will always talk down to me about it because she knows so much more. But most of it is bs from a documentary.

@KindergartenKop

I do lack confidence. This person obviously has much too much! She hasn't achieved much in life, despite being of average intelligence, and perhaps this is a way of making herself feel better.

Maybe some people make themselves feel better by boasting, like some people make themselves feel better by slagging someone off.

I feel the same for both kind of people.

I think I find it difficult to be kind about her because she makes me feel small. That's frustrating, especially when I definitely know more about a topic than her! I should be nicer though, which makes feeling angry at her worse!

Does it bring out something you dislike in yourself? I get this with very martyrish people - I absolutely hate it but if I'm completely honest it's because I have a streak of it myself that I try and suppress because it's such an annoying trait, but I can feel myself getting sucked into the martyr-lympics around people like that. It sounds like it maybe makes you feel a bit competitive and that bothers you so much because it's a trait you dislike?

@TheWorstShed Yes, I know some who does the "Elevenerife" thing, with her it's an ingrained habit and she just can't stop herself.

OP, I feel exactly the same about people who endlessly brag, so I tend to keep my distance from them. In a way I pity them, as they often lack self awareness and don't know how badly they come across to others.

Yes, this is someone I have sort of been in competition with and it's partly that. Sigh. Ok. I feel a bit better now. I swear lockdown enhances these feelings of inadequacy/anger/shitness!

I know exactly what you mean and recognise that feeling when it happens. For me, what makes it worse is that others seem to fall for it and then you feel churlish for not feeling happy for them. Like the people who post lots of selfies (for comments) or posts that can't help but let you know how much something cost (I assume they associate money with self-worth or how perceived by others). It rankles but is almost designed to rankle and make the ranklee feel bad for feeling that way. You may have guessed I have one or two people in mind here

Yes. I'm 100% rankled. It's rank.

OP I work with someone boastful its like
@TheWorstShedthing ‘the Eleverife thing 😆’.
I have a work colleague who does this frequently. I am still friends with some ex work colleagues as she is, so Elevenerife thing I sometimes see her when I meet up with them when we could or now on Zoom.

She seems even worse more annoying on a Zoom call we are a small team at work and a small group of friends so others can barely get a word in.

She has a way of turning every conversation back to herself and her family and justifying everything that her and her family do of being better or worse if appropriate than anything anyone else and their families are doing or are going through. She has so much stress she has to always try to trump everyone else.

She is always having a more exciting weekend. Her teenage son isn’t bothered about this or has decided to do that as a way of justifying something he is doing or doing to try and make him sound superior. So and so isn’t into X I have brought him up well. He doesn’t actually want to do Y or go to Z etc.

If someone is going somewhere or has been somewhere she has always been there and mentions it or it reminds her of the time she went to X and Y happened..........etc.

DH said he used to work with a man like this. Basically, if someone had said they had met the queen he would say he’d shagged her. This person is the female equivalent.

British people can’t tolerate anyone saying anything remotely positive about themselves. You need to put yourself down at all times. If you’re not negative enough you’ve got “ideas above your station.”

What's a poly math?

Maybe some people make themselves feel better by boasting, like some people make themselves feel better by slagging someone off.

I feel the same for both kind of people.

This

@RoosterTheRoost yes that is true, though not from an ideas above your station angle. I think it is more just 'ugh, cringe'. But maybe that is the root of it.

Where in the world are people not like that? I am genuinely interested to know? How weird are we...

'A polymath is a person who knows a lot about a lot of subjects. If your friend is not only a brilliant physics student but has also published a poetry collection and won prizes at political debates, you can describe her as a polymath.'

This person is good in their field but not prize worthy. She hasn't achieved anything in any other fields. So therefore the word polymath is a massive over statement.

Oh god that's hilarious and so cringey! I think boastfulness is annoying because it comes across that the person thinks very highly of themselves. It implies a lot of the time they think they are better than you. So it's a bit a judgement on you.

You're not wrong on finding it annoying.

British people can’t tolerate anyone saying anything remotely positive about themselves^

This with bells on.

I live in Canada and the fucking self promotion is sickly. Really sickly.