In tears after work, don’t know what to do

[Worktears]

NC for obvious reasons. I’ve developed massive work paranoia. I live alone and so don’t have anyone to sort of bounce thoughts off when a colleague says something I’m about

The isolation has taken its toll and now I’m genuinely feeling like the whole team thinks I’m shit. I think people are talking behind my back on calls which I can see online. Today has been terrible and I just feel so upset and alone.

What work do you do?

Oh no that’s really horrible. I’m working from home and my boss rang me Friday and was really rude despite the issue we had being a technical one I have no control over.

Is there anything in particular that has led you feeling the way you do?

That sucks.

I’m mid level with two juniors under me and then one senior. The seniors keeps having calls with the juniors without me. I know rationally it may be about work I’m not needed to do but it feels shit in such a small team. I also asked to speak to the senior staff after they’d been on this call with the juniors and they basically said they were about to log off and could it wait. I get that they’re busy but it makes me feel isolated.

I also had feedback on another piece of work that required loads of amendments. So feeling shit and unsure what that means moving forwards.

I’m in such a competitive industry and everyone is out for themselves. I just wish I had someone to talk to in real life in the house with me. I’m getting into such a state about it.

That is awful for you. Obviously its all made worse by working remotely and feeling isolated but it is rude of your senior staff member to be so dismissive when you contacted them. My only suggestion is you contact your line manager and ask for a one to one . Can you call/face time a friend just to share your worries? If only to let off some steam. Sorry I can't be more help.

I’m mostly worried they want me to leave or something.

I’m trying to think of something I might have done to annoy or cause issue for them and I can’t think of anything. I’m usually good at my job or at least good enough for my level. I’m sick of feeling like this and it makes me want to hand in notice. I’m so sad.

If you want to PM me and have a good vent you are more than welcome, I only have a pasta bake to burn and a uniform to iron, so not busy at all.

I feel the same and I've seen blokes posting about a lack of confidence and anxiety on a running forum too.

I read somewhere it's actually quite common when wfh because you don't get the normal face to face feedback so you don't know how you're performing.

I used to love my job but this feeling of being crap at it is so demotivating.

Why would they want you to leave ? Honestly can you think of any reason that would be a good outcome for them ? The piece of work that needed amendments, was that done enitely by you or were the juniors involved, was it stuff that you hadn't noticed or did things change whilst you were working on it ?
I have a friend who worked in a competitive field and the number of times a client would give him a brief and he would do the work to that brief and they would change their minds or expected him to be a mind reader about what the brief should actually mean as opposed to what they told him it meant iyswim ?

@Worktears I could have written this! I understand. Also live alone and wfh wondering sometimes if I even know what I'm doing. I rarely get positive feedback, hardly any support and no reassurance, but also no criticism so I don't really know how I'm doing!
It's really hard, isn't it. I think a lot of it is in my head, so hopefully the same with you too, but it would be nice to vent to someone sometimes.

It was all my work and I was told I had approached it wrong. At the time i said you seem annoyed about this and they sort of laughed and said no, these bits just need sorting for me to improve moving forwards. I’ve since amended it but had no further feedback.

The calls without me on them are the worst as I just feel like I’m left out. I know that sounds so immature. It’s such a strange feeling and I’m just here in tears thinking they’re about to fire me.

Called my manager just now as I was so upset but no answer. Maybe I just need to calm down and sleep on it.

That's rubbish that you haven't been given any feedback on the amended work.

I think it’s really hard if you see colleagues in meetings and you’re not in them. In reality it could be nothing and they don’t want to waste your time with things that don’t require you to work on them. Being so remote at the moment is very hard with colleagues because you feel so disjointed and disconnected. And it’s very easy to read into things. I’ve done some work for my boss and its come back and she’s changed it completely and it’s hard not to feel rubbish about it. A catch up with your boss sounds like a good idea, just to touch base on things. Big hugs.

I’d also definitely take some time on it. I’ve found I’m quick to react and it can be a problem so I try to give myself 24 hours to think it through.

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this but as others have said, I don’t think you’re alone. DH started a new job and total change of career not long before COVID and is struggling too - it’s not sales but sales-type targets which make everyone out for themselves and not v forthcoming in terms of help.

Being out of the office just exacerbates all of this - so in DH’s case, where he might just ask for help if someone was passing his desk in the office, this is a whole load harder remotely. So he’s struggling to learn the systems and ‘ways things are done’.

The same goes for you in this scenario - in the office, you might ask for a quiet word with your manager and get it all sorted out before you go home. Remotely, things are left to fester as there’s just not that ease of communication.

As PP have said to you here, and I’ve said to DH, why would they want to get rid of you? Even if there are some issues, if someone needs to do the role, it has to be easier to keep someone who’s trained and on-boarded already. So try not to worry too much about that.

It’s really rough at the mo - people are just missing out on those interactions that help to reassure them everything’s ok. Or to lessen the effect of negative feedback.

Sorry, this is long, but it all sounded so familiar I just wanted to say you’re far from the only one feeling like this. Try not to worry and I hope it works out ok.

I would also not try and contact your manager tonight if you are feeling a bit emotional.

I knkw it’s easier said than done but try and detach yourself from it all for a bit and do something to take your mind off it all. Can you talk to someone in real life?
In my experience, there is ALWAYS a better opportunity around the corner if you keep going. And you should move on if your gut feeling says so. Start working on your CV and your confidence. No one learns without dropping a few balls along the way and if some tells you otherwise, they are either lying or haven’t ever pushed themselves much.

I hope you are feeling OK, I know somewhat how you are feeling and sometimes, no matter what people say now it won't be enough, like it's gone too far. Just try to step back from work this evening and try your hardest to fall into a movie or a series and slink into bed. I hope you feel better tomorrow and deffo ask to speak to your manager first thing, to iron out your worries. Take care

I do think you need to take a breath, distract yourself for this evening and get a good night's sleep. Definitely do not call your manager in this state (and out of hours?).

You're catastrophising. You've taken 2+2 and made 154.

These calls with junior staff could just as easily be because there are performance issues or the junior staff aren't coping. It wouldn't be appropriate for everyone to be involved in that because it's confidential.

And similarly, they could be leaving you to get on with things because they're happy with your work and think you're doing fine.

We all make mistakes at work, that's why we have supervision and feedback. Like they told you, the purpose of feedback is to enable you to improve and avoid repeating mistakes. It doesn't mean anyone is plotting behind your back to get rid of you!

When you feel calmer, perhaps you could suggest to your manager that you have regular meetings every 3-4 weeks (or whatever would be an appropriate timescale for your work) to prevent you becoming isolated and to keep communication open.

But don't approach it in this panicked, emotional way.

I've been in this situation before OP, sounds like it's not necessarily a good fit for you. That is not a reflection on you or your work. Sometimes people don't work well together. Regardless of if the work is good enough or not or you're being paranoid, sometimes paranoia is our own way of telling us that we need to move on. I'm a freelancer in a competitive industry that sounds similar to you. I experience working with loads of different clients. Some work out great, some less so, and some I feel paranoid about working with. The majority of people I have a great working relationship and they are really happy with my work. Some of them less so and I have recently had to ditch a client for undermining me. I've moved on immediately to working with people who respect me and are overjoyed with the work I do, which has made me realise I am not the problem. It's usually more about them, or the fact that two parties don't always gel perfectly in the same way we don't get on with everyone. Although I don't want to over-push this point here not knowing your situation might it be worth considering looking for a new role, either sooner or later? I wish you all the best with this. Be honest with them about how you are feeling, grown up behaviour usually elicits a better response than hiding your feelings and lumping it.

That's shit OP I'm sorry.

Definitely take some time to have a long bath and think about something else.

Can you ask directly to your senior to let you know what they are meeting with your juniors about? Even if it's confidential for HR stuff like MH they should be at least giving you a one liner to explain. Assuming the juniors report to you? It would be very weird to side step that reporting structure completely without very good reason.

Hey OP, how you feeling today? Did you speak with your manager? Hope you are feeling better