newly single in a pandemic- help me rebuild

[crochetmonkey74]

long term partner and I separated 3 weeks ago- (mutual no nastiness)
I am heartbroken and it's so hard in a pandemic. I've lost all my confidence and calm about living alone (I have lived alone before and enjoyed it)
I had a thread on here in the early shocking few hours that really helped me- do any of you wise ones have any idea how to start again? I am still crying every day, mornings are hard when I remember what happened, I am still having lots of dreams about him.
It's just that the months ahead feel so bleak with lockdown etc. I also feel so sad at the idea of moving on and accepting it- I don't want to accept it! so how do I start to rebuild my new single life. I'm also worried I'm too old to be lucky enough to have another relationship (I am 46)

Feeling bleak, bleak bleak

Just giving you a bump really, no wise words. All I’d say is it’s very early days, you say the split was mutual so there must have been things you didn’t like about him or the relationship.
You’ve said you enjoyed living alone previously, what did you enjoy?
At least we are (fingers crossed) heading out of the pandemic and life should resume to some degree! so you can begin to do the things you love, socialise again etc.
My MIL started online dating two years ago when she was 70 and she’s now living with the man she met. It’s never too late!

Aww thank you for replying. It's a weird time to do anything let alone break up with someone, you feel bad for moaning when some people are going through so much worse, but this is really hard. Love the hopeful story, I needed that!

You don't need to worry about rebuilding or moving on or acceptance or any of that right now.

Focus on self compassion and taking care of yourself as you go through this period of adjustment and grieving. Give yourself time, patience, and kindness. Commit to doing one thing each day for the sole purpose of doing something nice/enjoyable for yourself.

Feeling able to think about what life might look like a bit further into the future will come naturally as you grieve and process things. Trying to force it on yourself won't grant you a "get out of jail" card to avoid the grief, so no sense beating yourself up for having normal emotions.

Personally I think it's more help to think of moving forward when you're reading. After a significant experience or relationship or loss you don't revert to who you were before (the relationship will have contributed to who you are and the memories you have). You can move forward with that and with that ability to tolerate the loss.

Nobody really moves on as if something never happened. It's not a realistic goal - especially when you're using it to torment yourself.

All you need now is self compassion and caring for yourself. When the emotions peak and feel unbearable, remind yourself that they change over time and you will have troughs between the picks. The initial rawness will go through that process of change and begin healing too.

I think you're right that all the uncertainty right now will be amplifying how you feel. So just notice that rather than trying to do anything about it or reacting. Find things you can control, and for now let the worries about the uncontrollable elements wash over you.

Wow user this is such a nice post full of such kind compassion and good practical advice. I so appreciate your reply xx

I hope things start to feel easier for you.

I'm going through same thing op..just getting ready to move on and sell the house. More on his part than mine.. I feel so bleak, tearful all the time and restless.. things will improve soon.

Good luck OP, hope things will be easier for you soon