At what age did you know your DC would be ok living independently?

[HNY2021]

My oldest DS is 9 and has ASD and I don’t really know what amount of independence is ‘normal’ for his age. I’m worried that he will struggle to live independently or is it too young to know yet?

It's very young still. Most 9 year olds aren't capable of that much....you'll hear on here all sorts of people saying "Oh my 9 year old can cook a three course dinner" and things but most can't.

A typical 9 year old can make some toast or a sandwich...put their clothes away (some with more arguing than others) Tidy up, help with washing up etc.

Do you have any specific concerns?

He needs a lot of direction and is scared of being on his own, so won’t go upstairs if no one else is there for example.

Most recently he had a bath in the late evening and put PJs on (where as usually he has one after school and puts ‘day clothes’ on) so when it can to bed time he changed into another set of PJs instead of thinking - oh I’m already wearing PJs I don’t need to change.

I don’t know what is the 9 year old and what is the ASD.

Not downplaying the condition but that is exactly the sort of thing my mature, sensible 11 year old would do.
Last night we sent her to bed at about 9. Kisses, good night etc. At 11 she came down to show us the drawing she'd been doing on some app, having completely forgotten she was meant to be going to sleep!

To be honest, my DD who is 12 could quite possibly do the PJ thing...she does have ADHD though. The going upstairs alone thing...not at all unusual in my experience.

Both my children have had and continue to have some nerves about that sort of thing.

My autistic son is 17 and only now can I see him being able to live independently. When he was 9 I struggled through every day while he bounced about all over the house, did very little in school and needed direction and intervention at every stage. A few years later I can see that he will be able to live without me. He has since been through high school and left with 5 A at Higher with a year to spare and is going to (but living at home still) university in September.

The PJ thing could be the ASD - the routine of putting PJ's on before bed. But that's not really a problem is it? It doesn't matter if he gets through an extra set of clothes because of his routine.

The being scared to go upstairs on his own and needing direction doesn't sound unusual for a 9 year old. 9 is still very young and you wouldn't expect a huge amount of independence really.

Really you can't know how he will be until he gets a bit older. Just perhaps start teaching him certain things like how to wash up, put his clothes away, maybe hoover etc. But at 9 I think children are so varied in their abilities there isn't really a normal. You will have a better idea when he's 15/16.

Thank you for the replies, will just have to see how things go, I’m worried about secondary school will he be able to get the bus on his own (service bus not school bus) and find his way from classroom to classroom.