Being kept up by bf snoring. He refuses to sleep in another room

[SpotlessMind88]

I’ve always had problems with my boyfriend snoring. While I was pregnant it was Terrible and it’s getting like that again. My baby is 3 months old, wakes every hour during the night and I’m breast feeding. instead of getting an hours sleep while the baby sleeps, I’m being kept up by his snoring. I asked him to sleep on his side to try and Allieviate it, but he just falls onto his back again.
I just asked him to sleep in the living room because I can’t sleep due to his snoring. But he refused. I’ve been awake since 10pm when I went to bed, it’s now midnight and I’ve just done my first of many night feeds. It’s not practical for breast feeding to be in a different room to my baby but he is refusing to sleep in another room.
Any thoughts?

Yes. He's probably not bothered to talk to the pharmacist about otc prevention aids, nor consulted his GP either, has he? I say he is a selfish pig and this is a deal breaker.

It would be a deal breaker to me.

There is no room in my life for someone so selfish.

Either that or wake him up every time and I mean every time. As soon as any snoring starts wake him up. Eventually he will choose to sleep elsewhere in order to get some sleep - and then you will too.

Tell him he has a choice, sleep in the living room when asked or sleep alone permanently elsewhere? Maybe it will shock him enough to realise.
Also check how many decibels (app on phone) that sent my dh to the dr when he realised how loud it was.

My DH has a bad snoring problem and we bought a mouth guard online that basically holds your lower jaw in light tension to relieve snoring. My DH said its painless it just takes a little getting used too but it did really help! Might be worth a try. Failing that i wear foam ear plugs.

Is he prepared to anything to reduce the problem?

Who wants to have to sleep on a sofa when there's a bed?

Unless you have the ability to sleep in different bedrooms, then yabu.

However, I say this as someone who has made it clear she will never share a bedroom again! So if I moved in with someone there would need to be two bedrooms for the couple plus the necessary numbers for the children! Whereas you've accepted the status quo really from the get go given this has been an ongoing issue.

Oh my god I feel your pain !
My DH snores and it’s infuriating. I dig him in the back every time but he just goes back to sleep and I’m left awake and fuming.

This is the main reason I don't live with my partner of 6 years. No way I'm sharing my bed with a snorer. If it was gentle snoring I could maybe sleep through it, but it's so fucking loud the whole bed vibrates.

If he stops when he is on his side, then sew a tennis ball into the back of his PJs so it is uncomfortable for him to lie on his back.
Otherwise wake him up every time, you may get yelled at though. Along with that, tape Him so he knows how bad it is.
DH recorded himself once, to see if he had sleep apnoea, it was a revelation to him.

@FlibbertyGiblets you’re spot on. He hasn’t gone to the GP or anything. While I was pregnant he at least went in the living room, he gave up smoking. Now he is back smoking and refusing to go in the living room.
@SadderThanEeyore I think you’re right. It’s not much to ask for him to sleep there.
He said I “can sleep anytime”. I guess he thinks while I’m at home all day with our 3 month old I’m just sleeping. She hardly sleeps throughout the day, she has small cat naps lasting 15 mins max. I guess the house gets cleaned, baby gets fed, washing gets done, food gets bought and cooked by little fairies while I’m sleeping anytime I want.
@MotherExtraordinaire we live in a one bedroom in east London that we privately rent. I would love to be able to afford more than one bedroom, not really realistic right now. I was made redundant due to covid, I’m on maternity allowance now. Good to know you can pick and choose how many bedrooms you want in a property though

I wouldn’t have a smoker any where near my baby ☹️

He shouldn't be smoking anywhere near a young baby.

He sounds like a bit of a pain the ass tbh.

Wake him ever time he wakes you, and keep waking him ever few minutes to tell him he's still keeping you awake.

Get rid.

He's a selfish arsehole who refuses to recognise your basic needs. You have precious little opportunity to sleep, and he's wilfully ensuring you can't use those opportunities. Sleep deprivation is a form of torture, and he's making damned sure it's inflicted on you.

Why do you want to be with someone who cares so little for you?

I wouldn’t want a smoker to be sleeping in the same bed as my baby, snoring or not

The fact that he snores is irrelevant. Lots of people snore and manage to have happy, respectful relationships.

The fact that he does not care about your lack of sleep in the slightest whilst you are the one feeding through the night, plus chooses to smoke when you have a 3 month old despite knowing that that is a risk factor that could cause her death, would mean he would 100% no longer be my partner.

If he has such little respect for you both now, that isn't going to get any better.