Is flirty texting cheating?

[simplesmith]

I don’t really know how to handle this situation so...
The past 3 months I’ve been asking my partner if anything is going on with this woman he works with. He’s been so secretive when he’s been with her, but he’s been meeting her to go for walks with her and my son when I’m at work. He admits sometimes that he’s seen her, but other times he says he’s just going to a local park, right next to where she works. I came home before Christmas and found her hair in our house on my little boys toys (Velcro so her hair stuck to them). We fell out so much over this and I told him how miserable it made me but he went mad at me for even thinking anything. Well a few nights ago I found texts on his phone to her, he’s saying he loves her and misses her all the time. He told her he can’t wait to take her to his special places to make it their special place, he told her that she’s his ‘escape’. And in the mean time he’s been so cold and awful towards me, he’s laid in bed at 5am and set alarms just so he can text her before she leaves for work, but then when I’ve woke up at 6am with my son he’s so mean. They had been talking this way for months.
Would you stick around with someone after this? After months of them making you feel like you’re being paranoid and making you feel bad for it. We’ve been together for 6 years and I’m just lost.

Yes of course this is cheating, I think you need to move on I'm afraid.

Christ OP that’s horrendous. Knowing this must be heartbreaking for you. Kick him out, he doesn’t deserve you or your lovely son.

My ex, who I still love, professes to be single but he’s absolutely not, and tells me he loves me everyday, inundates me with gifts and sends me videos of him wanking. If he were doing that to me he’d be gone in a heartbeat.

Gosh why can people be so awful!
I did end it when I first saw the messages, I told him and he tries to swear they’re just friends but will admit the text messages are “over friendly” in his words. But I did try to end it, to which he reacted by writing a suicide note and running off in the middle of the night. So I had to get all out family out looking for him, so now I’m torn because I do love him but I can’t trust him. But I don’t want him to suffer for my sons sake. Believe it or not, my life is never dramatic so this is strange for me.

OP
That isn't flirting.

That's is so far past flirting- flirting is just a tiny dot in its rear view mirror.

I would dearly hope I wouldn't stay. Staying isn't possible unless you lower your sense of self worth to dangerously low levels.

You, like every human being on the planet, deserves better.

As pp just said, this isn't flirting.
He loves her, misses her ??!!
He is taking you for a fool.

Am sorry but I would walk away.

Sorry this is happening. This is absolutely not flirty texting. This is someone having a relationship with someone whilst still in a relationship with someone else. All the best to you in moving on (and up!) from this train wreck of a man!

It is cheating. Staying with him would be insanity and misery. Don’t let him manipulate you with suicide notes and fleeing into the night. That’s all it is - pure manipulation.

I came on here to say flirty texts aren't cheating but BIG RED FLAGS that cheating is likely to happen...

However, your post is about way more than "flirty" texts! He's actually saying he loves her, and wants to be with her. He's allowing her to spend time with your son without consulting you. He is basically trying to eliminate you from his life.

If he's not already physically cheating he soon will be. What he is definitely doing is being a complete and utter arsehole to you, completely disrespecting you and showing your son that it's okay for people to act like that.

I was also thinking that flirty texts probably aren't cheating yet.

But OP these aren't flirty texts.
They are way passed that.

Tell him if he loves her so much, to pack his stuff and go live with her.
You deserve so much better.

He wants it both ways. Hence the suicide talk and running away. He wants to stay where he is as it's comfortable - but also wants the other woman. His coldness to you is because it's not you he thinks about - it's her. Have you asked him what he'd do if you had done this exact same thing?
He's totally disrespected you. It's not how you treat your wife or mother of your child.
If your child was grown up and came to you with this what would you say?
It's time to give him a reality check. Tell him to move out. He can see her all he wants but needs appointments to see your child

Flirty messages? No, OP, this is cheating and disloyalty. Your Partner is lying, gaslighting and manipulating you.

He is obsessed with this OW. They are having an emotional affair and it is likely physical, or soon will be, if he is bringing her into your house. How dare he defile your home with his girlfriend. He is despicable for involving your little boy in his infidelity.

He doesn’t care about you and is determined to continue cheating. The suicide threat was a total manipulation. If he threatens that again, call the police.

Kick him to the curb, OP. Staying with him will mean a life full of anxiety and uncertainty. And this is a toxic relationship model to expose your son to.

Flirty messages to me is like sending ❤😘😉 and having cheeky jokes, but not telling someone you love and miss them. Although he might not physically cheat, he is emotionally by saying these things.

I would love to say that I would send him packing, but easier said than done when your not in the thick of it! What i would say though is, dont allow him to manipulate you in to staying if your strong enough to walk away. Think of your son, he wants to see you happy too!

I stand by if someone feels it OK to cheat on their partner, have the decency to end the relationship before moving on. Dont humiliate and embarrass the partner by cheating on them.