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Little advice please:(((

9 replies

sunshine54321 · 18/01/2021 16:03

Hey guys. I hate writing this but I'm out of my depth. After having 2 missed periods, nausea and vomiting I decided to take a pregnancy test today. It's positive. But here's the bad thing. Me and the baby's daddy were best friends. Just there last week we fell out. I now have him up for charges against me for one time domestic abuse. I regret it so much as I forgave him instantly after it. Now he's out on bail pending further inquiries and one of the rules are we are not allowed to contact each other. The police also have took his phone. I regret reporting him so much I miss him so so much for one time. How am I supposed to tell him I'm pregnant now if he has no phone and a strict no contact in place. Please give me some advice. I'm 20 years old btw Sad

OP posts:
EggBobbin · 18/01/2021 16:08

If it really was one time then it would just have been the first time.

sunshine54321 · 18/01/2021 16:15

@EggBobbin

If it really was one time then it would just have been the first time.
It was the first time Sad
OP posts:
Thisendsnow · 18/01/2021 16:28

One time too many.

You absolutely did the right think in reporting it and pursuing charges. This feeling will pass - you need to have a think about the practical side of things now for yourself and potential child. You've already been strong once, you can do it again and again

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Elieza · 18/01/2021 17:05

There’s nothing wrong with having a zero tolerance policy for being hit or beaten up.

We don’t know who started it or who had the first blow, but if you raised your hand first to hit him you could be the reason he hit back? Or was it all him and you were protecting yourself? Apologies if it was all him, I have no idea and do not want to offend.

You weren’t dating him, you were best friends. So I don’t know how that bodes for the future.

Presumably you both got the horn one day and had sex. Perhaps lockdown stress or something was affecting you both. Or he couldn’t meet girls at the pub due to covid and was sexually frustrated and decided a friends with benefits situation could be what he needs just now and you were convenient? Who knows.

He doesn’t sound like he is husband material if he hit you though.

In my experience when they hit you they are so sorry and promise while crying that it will never happen again. Until it does.

I don’t think that’s the best thing to bring a child into. Especially if you hit him first.

So you may have to have a good think about what you want to do. Your choices appear to be:

Have a relationship with a guy who may beat you or your child.

Walk away from him and keep the baby. If you can afford to do so. Your career options could be limited though.

Have the baby and give it up for adoption.

Speak to the doctor and see what options you have at your stage in pregnancy. A couple of pills may be all you need to move on with your life.

Sorry you’re in this position.

peboh · 18/01/2021 17:14

If you want to keep this baby, then you need to be very careful with this man in your life. Social services can and will take a child away from a family with a history of domestic violence...wether it's one time or twenty times.
If you don't want to keep the baby, then you have options but again all of them should be made by you far away from that man.
Though honestly he's more a boy, because I can't call any male who hits a woman a man.

sunshine54321 · 18/01/2021 17:18

@Elieza

There’s nothing wrong with having a zero tolerance policy for being hit or beaten up.

We don’t know who started it or who had the first blow, but if you raised your hand first to hit him you could be the reason he hit back? Or was it all him and you were protecting yourself? Apologies if it was all him, I have no idea and do not want to offend.

You weren’t dating him, you were best friends. So I don’t know how that bodes for the future.

Presumably you both got the horn one day and had sex. Perhaps lockdown stress or something was affecting you both. Or he couldn’t meet girls at the pub due to covid and was sexually frustrated and decided a friends with benefits situation could be what he needs just now and you were convenient? Who knows.

He doesn’t sound like he is husband material if he hit you though.

In my experience when they hit you they are so sorry and promise while crying that it will never happen again. Until it does.

I don’t think that’s the best thing to bring a child into. Especially if you hit him first.

So you may have to have a good think about what you want to do. Your choices appear to be:

Have a relationship with a guy who may beat you or your child.

Walk away from him and keep the baby. If you can afford to do so. Your career options could be limited though.

Have the baby and give it up for adoption.

Speak to the doctor and see what options you have at your stage in pregnancy. A couple of pills may be all you need to move on with your life.

Sorry you’re in this position.

Thank you for your comment . I never hit him he hit me first. And he was sexually frustrated to the point where he used me . Feeling so lost Sad
OP posts:
BIWI · 18/01/2021 17:21

Why do you keep posting this? Is one thread not enough for you?

Elieza · 18/01/2021 17:46

Honestly, if it were me I’d go to the doctor and take the pills ASAP.

You are young and have your whole life ahead of you. You don’t want to waste it with a violent man who uses you.

He may have been your best friend before but he’s crossed a line now.

If you’ve missed two periods presumably you are 12 weeks or under. The time to act is now.

Apologies if this is not what you want to hear. I’ve been in your position twice and have been to the doctor twice. This may not be your choice though.

Do you have support to keep a baby? The life of a single mother is hard graft, especially with no gran or other family members to help.

Chunkymenrock · 18/01/2021 17:50

A relative of yours could write a simple letter informing him of your pregnancy. But as a pp said, I wouldn't go ahead with it in your situation.

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