Is anyone else surrounded by soul sucking dementors?

[AzaleaMania]

I am a glass half full person and I completely accept this may be annoying to other people. However I also work hard at helping other people, supporting them and talking things through, calming then down etc. People come to me for this both personally and professionally.
However I am finding it really bloody irritating when people CONSTANTLY bring the mood down. I'm on a number of work and personal what's app groups and mostly stay in the background, occasionally sharing a nice picture of snowdrops I've just seen or a cake I've baked or something.
I have had a bloody awful time recently, really intensely stressful, so have others but frankly not to the extent of my difficulties. I'm finding all the people who are like soul sucking dementors REALLY difficult. So, I put a picture of a snowdrop on and someone says something like "they look small, probably an omen of the crap year 2021 will be" and then people pile on to moan, and declare how UTTERLY FED UP they are everything is terrible like misery is a competitive sport. It just brings everyone down?! Why not comment on the whiteness of the flower or add a daffodil emoji or something?!
I know the irony of me posting this here, but I am wondering if there are other people swimming like salmon against the stream of relentless negativity? These people are friends, family and colleagues so I can't cut them out really!

I feel the same, life is hard but I prefer to put energy into finding the positive. I feel very lucky that I am wired this way. I chat to a friend once a week who is so negative, she shoots down any positive view points I have. I don’t think I can cope talking to her anymore! I am not trying to live in denial, I just think it’s ok to try and talk about positive things!

That's EXACTLY it @pandapop17! I agree about putting energy into finding the positive not the negative. And the thing I've found is that, yes some comes naturally to me, but I also work at it! Because the only other option is to expend energy focusing in the shit and who wants to do that?! Except, it seems like a lot of people actually do?!?!

The thing that bugs me particularly about my friend is that I will listen to her views but she immediately shoots mine down! I am happy to discuss other viewpoints but she won’t. Dementors is the right description! I don’t think I can carry on with our weekly catch ups.

Yes there's a lot of it about. I change the subject. But tbh I can get arsey with people if they continue to carry on whinging.

I had a friend moaning the other she was so tired and had been so busy. She'd looked after her 3 cats and had done 3 hours in a charity shop the whole week. I'd just finished a 24 hour shift yet was looking forward to my time off and felt positive. I had to bite my tongue

Show us your snow drop pic I'm sure it's lovely.

I’m pretty fed up of people saying that they can’t stand the way things are at the moment. The only way we can change them is by adhering to the rules and hoping to get everyone vaccinated.

I found the first lockdown so hard, because I was very resentful about life being changed and curtailed. If you can change your mindset though and take pleasure in small things, I think it makes your outlook brighter. I’d love to look at pictures of snowdrops , or cute animals, or children doing funny things.

I don’t want to be miserable, so I have to find some pleasure in the things I’m allowed to do, rather than complaining about the things I’m not, or worse, ignoring rules, thus prolonging this for everyone.

The other week *

They've always been around on MN.
AIBU to go NC with my mother, she locked me in a cupboard for my first 10 years etc...
D: How could you, my mother is DEAD. I'd give anything to have my mother lock me in a cupboard for 10 years. You'll miss her when she's DEAD!

Fortunately Covid is a nice distraction to them and they can hunker down in the Coronavirus section to accuse people of MURDERING GRANNIES for wanting their children to be educated, being exempt from wearing masks, leaving the house for more than 30 minutes, buying non-essential foods and sitting on benches.

Yup, DH and his mother are like this. He's getting better now, starting to realise when he's doing it and making an effort to stop, but I'm fairly certain if world peace were announced MIL would respond with, "ah, but what about all the people in ammunition factories who've lost their jobs?"

It drives me nuts. Especially right now, we should be appreciating all the little things that make it bearable, rather than shitting all over them.

Yes completely agree OP.

My FIL in particular has an interesting habit of taking any bit of good news you might have and twisting it to either find the negative in it or (even worse) strongly imply that you are showing off by sharing good news with them. Not just me who noticed it, my husband has always been bothered by it. Consequently we limit what we tell them...and then my in-laws wonder why they don't hear much about our lives.

One of our friends is married to a man so negative we always felt quite low after spending time with them. We'd love to no longer spend time with him but we both love our friend - interestingly she's a really positive person so we both wonder how she copes with it. Opposites attract I guess.

I can also identify with people implying to me how lucky I am (again, surprising considering I'm the one with relatives in hospital with covid, about to lose my job and have recently been diagnosed with health issues myself). I am lucky! I have great kids and a nice garden!

The problem I have with this is that things really ARE shit. So when people post pictures of fluffy animals and beautiful flowers on social media it can just feel really trite and superficial. Great for you that you are able to focus on small things. Not everyone can do that, or wants to. It's not necessarily the best way, it's just one way of coping.

@AzaleaMania

I can also identify with people implying to me how lucky I am (again, surprising considering I'm the one with relatives in hospital with covid, about to lose my job and have recently been diagnosed with health issues myself). I am lucky! I have great kids and a nice garden!

You have a great attitude. Keep it up.

@GoodAsMyWord I agree, things are shit. And i am not some sort of Pollyanna figure trying to jolly everyone along even at a funeral. But, people consistently pointing out the shit over and above everything else is unnecessary and brings everyone down. I am aware its shit, more so than many! But I can breathe in cool fresh air, see the birds flock over my home, enjoy a glass of chilled wine, savour the taste of a chicken curry and thank my stars that I am not homeless or living in abject poverty in the Yemen. I want to be able to feel how good the raon feels on my skin and communicate that without someone trying to suck away my joy!

@GoodAsMyWord

The problem I have with this is that things really ARE shit. So when people post pictures of fluffy animals and beautiful flowers on social media it can just feel really trite and superficial. Great for you that you are able to focus on small things. Not everyone can do that, or wants to. It's not necessarily the best way, it's just one way of coping.

No, true, people don't cope with things the same way.

The way I see it though is, if someone is trying their best to focus on some small positive in amongst everything else, the kind of people who respond to it with misery and negativity are just being cruel. They're denying others their coping method.

They don't have to like the positive stuff, but they can just ignore (especially on social media) rather than pissing all over it.

Im feeling similar, ive got a whole load of crap going on, but I end up being used as some kind of sounding board for people with problems. I just don't need it

Personally I find the series of dementor threads bring the mood down about as fast as Donald Trump arriving at a party.

It's just thread after thread of you all moaning.

Thing is... you've now started a thread which is a big moan about people who moan ;)

I have a few in my life. I have gone very low contact with the ones in my private life the ones in my work life I keep at arms length.

[quote AzaleaMania]@GoodAsMyWord I agree, things are shit. And i am not some sort of Pollyanna figure trying to jolly everyone along even at a funeral. But, people consistently pointing out the shit over and above everything else is unnecessary and brings everyone down. I am aware its shit, more so than many! But I can breathe in cool fresh air, see the birds flock over my home, enjoy a glass of chilled wine, savour the taste of a chicken curry and thank my stars that I am not homeless or living in abject poverty in the Yemen. I want to be able to feel how good the raon feels on my skin and communicate that without someone trying to suck away my joy![/quote]
This is exactly how I see things!

Well, that is, until things get to a certain point, and I get into a bad mood myself (quite rare) and then sometimes I just want a big moan. And someone walking in on me at that point would think I was being very negative, when 90% of the time I'm very much "glass half full".

Depending on my frame of mind I can flip from "why can't you all just be more positive?!" to "Ugh, everything is so s**t!"

Really what I think I usually want is someone to share in however I happen to be feeling at the time! I understand it's a balance. So you just need to seek out people who have a similar outlook to yourself.

There's a difference between someone having a grumble when things get on top of them, and people who continually and deliberately exude negativity. If they want to do that on their own time, fine. But why do they have to drag others down?!

I'd appreciate photos of flowers, beautiful sunrises, rare bird visitor to a bird table. Small joys go a long way to counterbalance the crap things that happen. My view is we might have to take the rough with the smooth, but you don't have to focus solely on the rough. Why would anyone want to do that? I don't understand it...

And while I'm here, this is a snowdrop variety 'Grumpy' which is just so funny and frankly adorable. His face!

@nicknamehelp

I have a few in my life. I have gone very low contact with the ones in my private life the ones in my work life I keep at arms length.

Yep I agree with this. Try and keep as low contact as possible to maintain my own sanity, and where I have to have contact try and keep as minimal as possible. It took me a long time to realise that I was actually empowered to do that

Yes, been through a really crap time myself and still going through it. I don’t tell people the full extent as I don’t want to bring other people down but my word, some others. Stop enabling it, well that's what I try to do anyway.

Have you tried spelling out the positive? I think it's quite easy to get into spirals of negativity, especially in a group setting. But someone (sometimes it's me, sometimes it's someone else and I'm grateful) who comes in with a positive response can actually be really helpful. DH and I are especially good at doing it for each other.

So on a WhatsApp like that a comment I'd make to bring the tone back up might be, "well, I'm totally taking heart from the fact that I've spotted the first sign of spring. It's a small thing but its perked me right up today."

I have a friend whose facebook is great for this. She puts up really funny little comments or observations, taking the piss out of herself (or her DH). This morning she had something amusing about her husband's decision to let their DD make the first stab at cutting his hair in the absence of an open barber. It was very funny and it definitely lightened things this morning.

Having said that, I'm not sure that a picture of snowdrops would immediately make me feel positive so I do have some sympathy for your friends/family/colleagues at this point!

I've been there - particularly at University. There was also a competitive depression contest it seemed at times, not to mention depression gatekeeping. As a generally optimistic person I got assigned that role so when I did get depressed, Team Dementor dropped me like shit of a shovel.
I'm not in contact with any of them anymore - odd that. People need to enhance your life not drain it. I'm all for people disagreeing with me and discussing issues but I cannot tolerate it when people only want to shoot everything down and disagree with you on almost a contrarian basis.