Catastrophising about household things...

[Munkeyface]

Does anyone else do this?

I've noticed over the last few years this happening.

I have a full time job in a medical profession which is obviously stressful at the moment. I am in a senior position but I literally have no anxiety about this at all.

Have children but again do not overly worry beyond normal parenting.

However, I spend my days worrying about the electric tripping, waking up to a leak. Going home from work to problems within the house.
Every sound I hear in the house I have to investigate.
Reports of snow in the morning have me paranoid will wake up to a broken boiler in the morning.
I wait for phone calls from my cleaner to tell me something has happened.

My search history is full of 'where to find stop Cock' what to do if you have a leak?
How to prevent burst pipes etc

For context, we had to have a new boiler a few years ago which led to some issues with air in pipes etc. Had to call company out on a regular basis until various issues sorted.

We now have a few issues around house which need attention. Nothing major just dripping taps etc.
I am terrified of calling anyone in to look at them because in my mind
Something will go drastically wrong.
We will end up with no mains water etc!
My husband altered the heating times last weekend and I literally had a breakdown. Uncontrollable tears and IBS symptoms.

My husband thinks I am being ridiculous and blames it on hormones. To the point that I don't talk about my fears which is worse as they are all bottled up.

I am 43 so possibly peri menopausal.

Has anyone else experienced this or just me going mad!!

If it’s hormonal, you might notice a rise and fall in these feelings across your cycle.

If it’s more constant it sounds like it’s becoming an anxiety disorder. That isn’t necessarily something that’s caused by or linked to stress- it’s as much about patterns of thinking. CBT is very effective at deconstructing thought patterns and giving you back peace and control in your own head. You could ask your gp for a referral.

Oh bless you. It's not hormones. It's stress. Your brain is diverting the worry away from the things that you are dealing with but cannot control, to things which you could control, if you were prepared enough. It's a form of fight or flight. You can't fight the virus anymore, so you are fighting against household disasters, which haven't happened yet.

I worked briefly in a very stressful job which I totally hated, with unsympathetic colleagues, and no idea what I was doing. I started having to double back to check that I had shut the front door, convinced that I had left it open. They started having to go back again for a second time to check the iron/cooker/hair straighteners were off. And then it was the upstairs windows. . . .

I would be hyperventilating going to work on the bus, trying to decide whether to get off and check something, or go on. As soon as I left the job, of course, the door was miraculously never worried about, the iron didn't cross my mind etc. etc.

Hopefully understanding what you are feeling and why can give you a bit of breathing space. Show this to your unsympathetic husband too, if it helps.

Bless you for what you are doing at work. The pressure must be relentless. Please know that what you are doing is making a huge difference to many, many people who you may never meet again. and for you.

I was going to come at it from a house angle...

I get how you feel about things around the house. Having had a house first then my own flat but myself for 13 years, I found out that I hated anyone doing anything to the house in case something went wrong.

My solution was to find a professional handyman that I trusted, get an understanding of everything that needed doing so that it stopped frightening me, stay out of the way while he did the jobs so I didn't see my house being taken apart....and lastly, get my hands on every inch of it myself. Seeing it, scrubbing it, every corner top to bottom, made me less afraid of it.

I would get to grips with the issues you have, get a good tradesman in who you can always call, get insurance sorted and do maintenance regularly so nothing fails.

Others have come from an anxiety perspective tho i see.... for that, how about asking yourself whether you've ever had your world fall in on your head? The symbolic meaning of fearing some great catastrophe? They say if you fear it, its because it once happened xxx i do hope this is not the case tho, and you've just got some nooks and crannies to get in, in your lovely house??

That's the thing. I'm not stressed at work. I have a very supportive manager and a great team. Our services hasn't hugely been impacted by covid although we do see covid patients.

I live a nice comfortable life in a nice home. No money worries, no marital issues. To an outsider I have the perfect life. Apart from these crazy constant intrusive thoughts!

I have similar thoughts and they're exhausting. Our house is old and I'm constantly worried about the electrics, gas and water. I've actually just arranged for an electrician to come and do a full check because the worry is consuming me. I've always been a worrier, though.

OP I almost posted something very similar yesterday! I believe another anxiety disorder needs to be added to the DSM-house related anxiety disorder! Which is totally me! And I know a number of friends who experience it too! So I experience very similar thoughts and feelings to you however mine are mainly related to anything plumbing related! Anything to do with plumbing and water makes me feel REALLY anxious. Like you, this is based on when I first moved in to my house a number of years ago and had a number of leaks/radiator fell off the wall and the central heating system emptied out into my dining room, and our boiler in the loft leaked last year and down through the ceiling! We're extending at the moment so the plumbing discussions etc have felt really stressful, although I'm much better actually than I thought I would be, mainly because I trust our builder with my life! I have got much better over the years and have come to conclude that whatever goes wrong in a house it can always be fixed. Yes it might be messy and a pain in the arse but it can always be fixed. I read that every home costs 1% of its value a year to maintain, so I expect to spend X amount a year on the house and anything less is a bonus! Im totally aware that I'm an anxious person and if I wasn't worrying about that I'd probably be worrying about something else, but it doesn't make the house anxiety any easier to deal with! X

Omg yes. It's electrical fires for me.

@Missingthebridegene

OP I almost posted something very similar yesterday! I believe another anxiety disorder needs to be added to the DSM-house related anxiety disorder! Which is totally me! And I know a number of friends who experience it too! So I experience very similar thoughts and feelings to you however mine are mainly related to anything plumbing related! Anything to do with plumbing and water makes me feel REALLY anxious. Like you, this is based on when I first moved in to my house a number of years ago and had a number of leaks/radiator fell off the wall and the central heating system emptied out into my dining room, and our boiler in the loft leaked last year and down through the ceiling! We're extending at the moment so the plumbing discussions etc have felt really stressful, although I'm much better actually than I thought I would be, mainly because I trust our builder with my life! I have got much better over the years and have come to conclude that whatever goes wrong in a house it can always be fixed. Yes it might be messy and a pain in the arse but it can always be fixed. I read that every home costs 1% of its value a year to maintain, so I expect to spend X amount a year on the house and anything less is a bonus! Im totally aware that I'm an anxious person and if I wasn't worrying about that I'd probably be worrying about something else, but it doesn't make the house anxiety any easier to deal with! X

I'm so relieved to hear I'm not alone!

It is ridiculous.

Plumbing is a major trigger for me too. We live in a big house with complicated central heating system etc.
Everything is working fine at the moment but we've had issues in the past.
The worst being 'water hammer'. Horrendous noise every time the toilet flushed.

We actually have a plumber coming to look at a shower that isn't working. I'm dreading him needing to turn water off in case he can't get it back on or it effects the boiler in some way!
I'm sat her feeling sick with nerves about what tomorrow will bring.

OP I totally understand. I felt sick all day the other day ahead of a conversation I needed to have with our plumber about radiators!!!! Do you have a regular plumber you use? One thing that helps me to cope is I really read up/aim to understand then I feel I have a bit more control and can have more fully informed discussions with whatever tradesmen I need to talk to! Do you understand your heating system? If not do you have a regular plumber who is familiar with your system who you could book just to have a sit down conversation with about everything? Xx

@ReallySpicyCurry

Omg yes. It's electrical fires for me.

That's one of my big ones. I love awake worrying about it.

I do this, gradually driving myself mad, we just moved into a new property that has gas central heating and I'm convinced that I can smell gas all the time, I get the strangest looks from my toddler when I'm sniffing around the living room like a bloody dog.

We also have a water hammer issue at the moment, waiting on a plumber to come round but it drives me mad, I'm scared to use the washing machine because I can't control the valves on it and stop the banging like I can with the taps so I spend 3 hours freaking out until the machine finishes. I can't think of any useful advice but you're not alone.

@NeedCoffeeToSurvive

I do this, gradually driving myself mad, we just moved into a new property that has gas central heating and I'm convinced that I can smell gas all the time, I get the strangest looks from my toddler when I'm sniffing around the living room like a bloody dog.

We also have a water hammer issue at the moment, waiting on a plumber to come round but it drives me mad, I'm scared to use the washing machine because I can't control the valves on it and stop the banging like I can with the taps so I spend 3 hours freaking out until the machine finishes. I can't think of any useful advice but you're not alone.

It got to the point with me that I was scared to flush the toilet so would either hold until desperate or wait to someone else flushes as I couldn't bear the thought of hearing the sound.

I feel sick every time someone in the house has a shower.
It's been months since the water hammer last happened! 😩

My husband thinks I am being ridiculous and blames it on hormones. To the point that I don't talk about my fears which is worse as they are all bottled up

Why is it whenever women are suffering from stress or just reacting to unereasonable behaviour we are told its "hormones", usually with a dismissive tone. You are in a very stressful situation, I'd guess you are displacing onto plumbing but being dismissed as hormonal won't help you.

Does your workplace have any services (confidential) around counselling or support for stressed staff? Do you have anything you do entirely for yourself and away from the family/work? Even if its just a long walk or virtual book club?

@C8H10N4O2

My husband thinks I am being ridiculous and blames it on hormones. To the point that I don't talk about my fears which is worse as they are all bottled up

Why is it whenever women are suffering from stress or just reacting to unereasonable behaviour we are told its "hormones", usually with a dismissive tone. You are in a very stressful situation, I'd guess you are displacing onto plumbing but being dismissed as hormonal won't help you.

Does your workplace have any services (confidential) around counselling or support for stressed staff? Do you have anything you do entirely for yourself and away from the family/work? Even if its just a long walk or virtual book club?

But it is ridiculous, I literally sobbed for an hour after the heating timer incident, That is not normal. I am an intelligent level headed woman in all other aspects of my life. Literally deal with life and death and remain calm.

It's a physical response of panic

Yes, not quite as extreme, but I do suffer with this. It's gradually improved over the years but I still have to avoid reading threads/articles about things that have gone wrong with other people's houses, worry that tradespeople will find things that are properly, seriously wrong with the house, the thought of selling it and someone's surveyor finding all sorts wrong with it fills me with fear. I don't know why I'm like this. I dread doing the insurance every year because all the questions set me off again.

Sounds like worry / generalised anxiety disorder
Responds well to metacognitive therapy
Check it out !

@Munkeyface Slightly off topic here but you said it's been months since the water hammer last happened? Do you mean it comes and goes? If so it could be as simple as water clogged air chambers in which case you could try draining the system, we're hoping this is the issue with ours because it's an easy fix, failing that an unsecured pipe again being an easy fix. We're also hoping it's maybe a matter of high water pressure as ours is stupidly high, although our stop tap is inconveniently inaccessible so we can't even turn it down to see if it helps.

But it is ridiculous, I literally sobbed for an hour after the heating timer incident, That is not normal

Its not ridiculous its typical of the kinds of responses people have when under severe stress and anxiety. its a symptom of a problem which needs help, just like a blood dripping from your arm is probably a symptom of a cut which needs a plaster or the sore red fingers which may need antibiotics.

I think CBT techniques would really help you. They helped with my anxiety and catastrophising. It's about understanding your automatic thoughts and beliefs when faced with a situation, and examining those with evidence supporting them and evidence against them, and reframing with more helpful thoughts.

In my experience it's important that you keep practicing the techniques when you're feeling fine, so that when you you encounter the anxiety/crisis, you can automatically draw on them to support you.

Here are a couple of the 'models' that I find most helpful...