Co-parenting

[Daneinuk]

Hi I have a son from a previous relationship, and I really want more children, I have thought about donating sperm, but I can't live with the thought of not being there for my children, so I looked into Co parenting, which I love the idea about, and I have thought alot about it which got me thinking, wouldn't it be an amazing idea to help lesbian couples having children, given that they would be willing to raise the child together, 2 mommies and 1 daddy, still AI, and living separated, but all get together for Christmas, birthdays and possibly travel together with the child/children, in theory this seems like a healthy and amazing way for a child to grow up and like a good solution for everyone, but we all have different perspectives so I might be the only one thinking this is a good idea, what do you think?

Kind regards
Patrick

No. It's a road to disaster - there have been several court cases where these kinds of set ups have gone totally tits up

You'd all be thinking of yourselves rather than the actual child brought up in those circumstances

I think any blended family is tricky tbh. How do you resolve differences in opinion and parenting style? That is hard enough with 2 people. I don't think any parent with a good bond with their child would enjoy being seperate from them for significant periods. That is something that happens as the best option in a tricky situation, not by design.

I grew up with my parents separated from I was born, but they managed to stay friends but with 2 different parenting styles, which have each given me alot, I like to refer to what they each give as tools, in the toolbox, this can be different skills and abilities, like the ability to see things from many perspectives and have a greater understanding of many things.

Tho I do understand what you mean that it could go the other way aswell, if communication isn't good between all party's and the well being of the child isn't the highest priority then it could lead to a terrible childhood with bad consequences, but isn't that the case in all relationships regarding children?

It is the responsibility of the parents or guardians to make sure that the children are the priority and their needs are met, while preparing them for the world.

Unfortunately there is alot of cases with single parents where the child isn't the highest priority, but also where the single parent simply dosent understand to be a parent, even tho they have the best of intentions.

That would lead me to draw the conclusion that no matter how many parties are involved, then the success of the child is based upon whether or not the parties are in fact good parents, but what do you think about that?

Kind regards
Patrick

It sounds bloody awful, and also slightly like you're fishing for a receptacle for your sperm on here.

Is there a reason why you don't want to be a full-time father in the context of a conventional couple relationship?

It does seem odd to be setting out to father and raise a child under what would generally be considered less than ideal circumstances. People co-parent because relationships haven't worked, in the main. A lesbian couple don't actually need an extraneous father figure to bring up a child, either

No I had an amazing childhood zadiezadie loving parents, great traditions and experiences, and no I'm not fishing, I'm trying to expand my horizon, I'm well aware that there is an endless number of different opinions about everything out there, and when I noticed people use this forum to hear what others think then I thought I would do the same.. No matter how well one can swift perspective then there's nothing like the opinions of other people, well at least not if your open minded, which I am hence why I'm here, my opinion is not shizzled in stone, and all of your input help me expand my opinion on this matter, the one who thinks he knows everything knows nothing, so I like to think I only know a small part of what I want to know, I think that's healthy, don't you think so?

Sadpapercoutesan, I would like to be a full time parent, but my experiences with relationships has made it hard for me to have trust, i dont act on it, but it has left its scars which unfurtunately has left me not enjoying being in a relationship as I used to.

As mentioned above I do have a son who is nearly 2 years old, amazing wee man, he is my precious, unfurtunately his mom has proven to be a bit selfish, she is from South Madagascar, and after we had him, she decided that she didn't want him to grow up this far from her family, so she tryed to kidnap him, I just came home from work one day and she had packed a bag and left, I started calling the embassy, the police and social service, luckily they managed to stop her in the airport with a one way ticket, this has let to us going to court, they have confiscated her passport, but she is now trying to take contact away from me, so that she can legally leave the country with our son, in which she is not succeeding, but this was right before the first lockdown and the court has been too busy and closed, so I have just got a court date in May, that means I will not have seen our son for 1 and a half year when they establish contact in May, this irresponsible and selfish behaviour of her's has let me to the way I feel now.

I don't know if that justifys my feelings or simply explain the path I'm on, but it is what it is, I feel sorry for my son that he has to go through thinking his dad is not there for him, and then having to start all over, I know it will be good again but the question lingers will this have caused trust issues in him or something deep inside him to always make him feel like he is not good enough and thats why daddy is not there, will daddy just suddenly disappear again, maybe I overthink it but I hope it explains..

My mission from May will be to validate him and make him know that daddy will always be there..

I hope you enjoy reading or this gotta suck.

But so ya I want others to feel the love you feel when you have child, hence why I'm thinking a lesbians couple would be ideal to help, since the process for them can be a bit long, tiring and expensive.. Basically do good for someone who at the same time do good for you.

Kind regards
Patrick

Allright now i see how that last bit could look like an ad or something fishy, but I can assure you I'm not interested in what I'm talking about, simply developing an opinion about it.

Kind regards
Patrick

I think the idea that any two parents can work out differences is untrue - there isn't always a simple answer to what is or isn't the best parenting decision so two people who both love their child can still disagree.

Kids do adapt to different rules in different places, but there are more profound differences of opinion that are more different to resolve - for example if one parent wants to leave a baby to cry and the other believes it is damaging to do so, or if one parent believes their teenager should have the right of privacy and the other wants to check their phone. It is hard to accept something you feel is harmful is happening to your child when they are with their other parent, but all these decisions come within the bounds of reasonable parenting. I think conflict is very common.

In honesty, if I wanted a child and didn't have a partner I think I'd go it alone, that that would be significantly simpler that the situation you describe and would also means you aren't having to miss your child half the time.

Thank you stompythedinosaur I think that your right, and the part about different parenting and how it's hard to accept something you feel is harmfull, I hadn't thought of it like that, but your abselutely right.

My first thought was to see if there was a way to do it alone.

Kind regards
Patrick

Surely you need to just focus on the child you already have for now rather than adding more children to a difficult situation.

Snuggybuggy thank you

Stay away from women and lesbians, neither group is here to bloody facilitate your desire to be a part time parent for the second time and leaving the dog work to women.

WitchesNest you sound really offended, you should maybe calm down a bit, first of all I would never take less than half the responsibility and time with my child, you sound like your struggling with something your self, you have my sympathy.

I am developing an opinion about the matter, that's what I'm here for not insults.