Can't cope with autistic ds

[HateLife21]

I can't do this. I don't want to be his mum. He's only 3, this is just going to get worse as he gets bigger and stronger. I can't see a way out. I have no optimism for the future. Just wish I could go to sleep and not wake up

Please don’t despair, I felt like this when my ds was small, he is 13 now and has improved a lot. When he was little his needs were all consuming.
Everything is magnified at the moment and he will be feeling anxious without fully understanding what is going on.
Do you have any support op? Ask for a social care assessment and he will be able to go to a free nursery place soon which would give respite. Ask your coucil about short breaks.
You need to take time for yourself so you don’t burn out

I completely understand how you feel. I have 2 ds' both with autism and theres a 1 year age gap. The early years 3-8 for me was extremely challenging. I was a single mum, I tried to reach out for help (not in UK) and even when I felt I couldn't bare another day no agency or organisation did anything.

I was beyond my limit, I didn't know how I'd see another day.

The boys would run down the street naked, they'd killed our pets, they'd broke my arm, pulled my hair out, tried to poison themselves, self harmed, tried to throw themselves Infront of trucks and cars everytime near a road... You name it, every day behaviour. We tried medication but it did absolutely nothing. We saw a psychiatrist... Said he couldn't help. Saw psychologists for years which my kids would constantly run in and out of so was pretty pointless.

It is so so hard.

Definitely reach out to services where you are and access help and support.
My kids are now 12 and 11 and their behaviour has improved so much. They have behaviours but nothing like they used to.

It does get better.

You are doing what is probably the most difficult job of them all, and I am sure that you are doing it well

LunaLula, you can’t say that, that’s appalling. OP is just understandably at the end of their tether. Why on earth are you talking about fostering and adopting?

OP, I get like that with much older and NT children, so please don’t feel bad about how you feel. I am so sorry you are struggling, and lockdown must make everything a million times worse.

As others have said, hopefully things will get better - three isn’t a great age for any child, and it will be so much harder for you.

You have my sympathy and understanding, as does your DC.

@LunaLula83 I really don't think telling a mum at her lowest ebb that she should have her child, who she certainly loves to the end of the earth underneath her grief and exhaustion, adopted out is at all helpful.

@HateLife21 first of all well done. You've got him this far, you've got him a diagnosis which will be really helpful for him. I know you are probably worn into the ground and feeling too exhausted to even seek help- is there anyone who could give you a short break?

Do you have a portage worker? If not, reach out and get a referral. There will probably be a local Parent Carer Forum/ Group who will be able to signpost you.

Look up your local Special Needs nursery and get in contact with them. They may be closed, but you could get the ball rolling to get him a place after lockdown.

It would be great to apply for an EHCP for him now. You can do it as a parent but there should also be a local Early Years SENCo who can help you. If you start now he will be able to be considered for Special School as his first placement. This will massively help you as they will support you as well as him.

Have you looked at 'Safe Space' beds? They are very expensive, but there are organisations you can apply to for funding for them. Having one might help you to get more sleep- as I imagine sleep is an issue?

So sorry you are feeling so low- it is incredibly hard and I'm sure you are doing a great job even if it doesn't feel like it.

Link to a version of the safe sleeping space

@LunaLula83 did you really just say that? This is not what the OP needs right now. She was simply asking for support (which thankfully she is getting from most).
If I thought this was the kind of response I was going to get in my hour of need I wouldn't even post on mumsnet. OP please ignore that comment. Not helpful.

LunaLula83- what sort of advice is that? Get them fostered or adopted, is it really that simple to you?

This lady, is asking for advice, please go and see your GP ASAP

Its okay to need help, it will get better. Xx

Not all parents love their children, even deep down. That's why some men walk away and on to the next relationship.

Miffyliffy's contribution is far more scary describing DC who killed pets and broke her arm. For the OP who is at the end of her tether, the prospect of nearly 10 more years of even worse behaviour than her 3 year old has now must be terrifying.

I hear you. This is hard. Children with disabilities and their families are the hardest hit by the covid restrictions. Do you have any support? Is DS dad about to share the load? Is your son in nursery? He’s vulnerable due to his disability so you may be able to access a place. Get in touch with your health visitor. They’re still around, though they may not visit but you can phone and ask if she can help you access a nursery place.
Keep to a routine as much as possible - have you got a visual timetable for your DS? You can make a simple one with photos - breakfast (photo of his cereal), shower (photo of the shower), play (photo of his toys)..... try to keep things as predictable as possible for him. It also helps to break up the day for you.
You are doing a fantastic job under intolerable circumstances. Please ask for some help.
The national autistic society has helplines and they will still be running. Their webpage also has loads of information and support.
Sleep when DS sleeps if you are up at stupid o’clock with him. Everything else can wait.
You’ve got this, one day at a time.