Primary age DCs and WhatsApp and TikTok

[bigbeachedwales]

Just a quick qu. DS has just turned 11. Has WhatsApp and Tiktok. Big users of both. He often has friendship issues but only tells me when things have escalated. Since he's had his phone about 6 months ago, I check it nightly for messages, videos etc to make sure all is ok with what he's messaging and what others are messaging to him. He knows I do it and is fine with it. He says it makes him feel safer. I told my friend I do this. She has dcs the same age and she was shocked. Says it's their private life and should be private. I said I don't want my 11yo to have a private life. What does everyone else in the same situation think? If it helps, we live rurally in wales and his school class is v small. They'll all be going up to the same v small high school in sept.

I'm shocked he has WhatsApp and tiktok tbh, you do realise he's too young?

They both have an age rating of 16. 11 is far too young.

The secondary school DH works in has just banned TikTok for safeguarding reasons (its a boarding school so they can do so in term time)... I would think you’re doing the bare minimum.

And the very fact that he says you checking makes him feel safer shows why children should not have them.

I did check dd's phone at that age, but she was not allowed either app anyway.

11 is way too young.

My kids have whatsapp but only communicate with family or approved family friends. I do spot checks. They are 10 and 13. I tried out tiktok and deleted it as it wasn't appropriate for them - no way! You're doing the minimum, I'd delete tiktok, control whatsapp and tell your friend to get a grip on their parenting (kindly) :-)

No privacy - they’re so young they need guidance and support. I’d be encouraging him to come to you before things escalate. Whatsapp useful at the moment, doubt tiktok is helping anything.

Too young. Mine are 10 and have iPods nit phones so they can only use iMessage and FaceTime I check the messages regularly.

They had tiktok for a couple of weeks in lockdown1 but then that momo thing came out so I got rid. They won't be getting it back anytime soon.

DS is 13 and has WhatsApp. Tiktok is not permitted.

Suggest both you and your friend sign up to an online child internet safety course. How on earth did your friend think things like grooming happen?

My 11 has both and I check hers as well. It’s the way they communicate with friends especially in lockdown.

I agree with you, my friends dd is 8 and has TikTok.
Awful

It is too young for TikTok but my 11 yo ds also has/had it. I did the same as you with checking etc. Lots of kids in his class have it.

My ds is naive & sensitive & it opened his eyes somewhat. He would often restrict himself or ask us if he thought something might not be age appropriate! He told neighbour friend who winds him up often to fuck off & then got really upset that he'd said it. After a while he decided to delete TikTok himself as he was wasting a lot of time on it.

He is going to get a lot more independence come Sep when he goes to big school & It's given us the chance to broach conversations about things in the media that we wouldn't otherwise have.

My daughter might be a bit of a different character & im not sure how we'll deal with her

My 12yo has neither though most of her friends do have WhatsApp. I think you’re being sensible to check, and I absolutely wouldn’t stop. An 11yo needs care and protection, and opting out of that for ‘privacy’ reasons leaves them dealing with things by themselves that they’re just not ready for.

I wouldn't let a primary age child have Tiktok. WhatsApp didn't bother me, it's just messaging. I used to check who all the contacts were, and if DD got a message from anyone she didn't recognise, she brought it to me. It only happened once, and was from an older cousin who had changed her phone number. I checked the messages to begin with but over time I didn't feel like I needed to.

DD 10 has WhatsApp for staying in touch with school friends during lockdown. (She’s not on there that much though, to be honest.). I’m logged on on my laptop and will check the messages every 10 days or so. It’s usually completely inane chatter.

Most of them seem to be on TikTok but hell will freeze over before she has that. She’s not allowed unfettered access to YouTube either, which most parents seem to be very relaxed about as well. 🤷🏻‍♀️

DD (13) has WhatsApp since she is 11.5 and without it there would be serious issues communicating with school friends and out-of -school groups. They don't email and you can't group text.

But, we have strict rules in place, she knows we check the phone on a regular basis. There was a large blow-up a year ago and since then DD is more careful what and especiall how she posts. Yes, she is entitled to her privacy and we don't read each message but she is also still a child who has to learn about life and how to navigate social media.

TikTok is mentioned often but every time we talk about it and the rules she would have she stops. She knows about security settings and why they are in place and how things can go out of hand.

The amount of bullying that goes on over what'sapp is unbelievable. Having it at primary school is too young. IME even 13 and 14yos aren't mature enough to use it, so why would primary children manage?

@ALightFromTheShadows

The amount of bullying that goes on over what'sapp is unbelievable. Having it at primary school is too young. IME even 13 and 14yos aren't mature enough to use it, so why would primary children manage?

I know this can be a problem, and it's a huge problem, and I'm not downplaying the importance of being vigilant.

But on the other hand, the majority of children aren't bullying or being bullied on WhatsApp. If they only have their actual friends on there, it's mostly inane chatter and sending each other daft emojis.

I have no problem with WhatsApp - Snapchat I think is much worse. Some children are nasty & I think it's really important to keep an eye. Ds is 11 & finishing primary & I find it helpful that he can be in touch with school friends.