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Original poster

Help please!

20 replies

Piperjay · 10/01/2021 08:17

Hello... please help me. I am currently under section in a mental unit. I have bipolar which has been getting really bad. I asked for help myself. My children are staying with my friend who's like my mum. My daughters nursery rang social services on me.which has devastated me. My friend who has them has been told by a social worker that if I am in here for 20 days and over, that my children will go to foster.... please for the love of God can anyone tell me if this is correct? All the nurses I have believe I am being treated disgusting by them and that this isn't true. Any help and advice welcome. Please be kind. Its the first time I have asked for help with my m.h because of the fear of s.s. I was assured that because my kids are not at risk that they wouldn't be called anyway.!

OP posts:
FippertyGibbett · 10/01/2021 08:21

I don’t know the answer to your question, but I would guess that SS would go to the home of your friend and simply check that your children are well and being cared for in a safe environment.
They will want to keep the kids together and in a familiar environment, they won’t rush to remove them unless there’s a safeguarding concern.

Soutiner · 10/01/2021 08:24

I think you need legal advice and possibly some kind of documentation that authorises your friend to care for your children in your absence.

?

Original poster
Piperjay · 10/01/2021 08:27

Yes all this has been done. They have done police checks and all that. It's this 20 day foster rule thing that's hurting me.

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 10/01/2021 08:32

That seems odd. I am a retired SW but in Scotland where things are different. If your friend has been visited and no care or protection issues have been raised then it would be in the best interest of everyone to leave the children there. I would try to make contact with SS to talk about this. Would the staff help you with this?

Lennie16 · 10/01/2021 08:36

Hi if children live with your friend for over 28 days it’s called Private fostering- children’s services would have to complete checks on your friend and see the house to ensure it’s safe for the children , if all is well and it’s safe the the children can usually stay there. It’s just a title and usually doesn’t affect the arrangement. Children’s services just have to ensure that the decision about where you left the children while you were unwell is a safe decision. Concentrate on getting well and stable so you can go home and start caring for your children . Try not to keep worrying, I know that’s not easy but you need to get well.

squeezeapplesmakejuice · 10/01/2021 08:38

Unfortunately it's true op. If they are not with a direct relative( aunt or grandparent as examples) the ss will get involved.

Cissyandflora · 10/01/2021 08:41

I don’t know anything about the 20 day foster rule but I do know that even if your children did go to a foster home, you could still have them home with you very quickly. When your mental health has stabilised. I have seen this with a friend. She was sectioned. Her child went to a foster home. She had treatment and came out of hospital and worked with mental health nurse and social workers and her child was back with her in about 10 weeks total.
You can get through this and if your friend isn’t able to look after the children for whatever reason, a foster home can be a safe and positive experience. You must be feeling really panicked but try to stay positive. I send you good wishes.

Original poster
Piperjay · 10/01/2021 08:41

Thank you

OP posts:
squeezeapplesmakejuice · 10/01/2021 08:43

Take care op. How do you feel about nursery ? Is the trust broken or can you get past that?

squeezeapplesmakejuice · 10/01/2021 08:50

My local sure start centre has posters up to tell parents that if a child stays with them that is not a direct relative ss would be informed
As it comes under private fostering rules.

TeenPlusTwenties · 10/01/2021 09:05

They aren't going to take children from a home where they are well looked after to put them in foster care. It wouldn't be 'in the best interests of the child'. Anyway, they are short of foster carers as it is.
They will want to check the home and carers though.

TheLevyEyebrowsFancIub · 10/01/2021 09:11

I just wanted to say I think you were bloody brave to get help, I also think that shows that your priorities lie with your children, that I hope your DC can stay with your friend but that they will be with you again soon when you are feeling better. Huge hugs and respect to you Xx Brew Cake

Original poster
Piperjay · 10/01/2021 09:31

The trust has broken for sure. If I had broken my leg they wouldn't have called them. I have 2 friends in the whole world because of things like this...

OP posts:
Original poster
Piperjay · 10/01/2021 09:31

Thank. I don't feel brave. Feel like a failure:(

OP posts:
CarrieMoonbeams · 10/01/2021 10:34

My God OP, it sounds like you've been through such a lot (and still going through it). Your love for your wee ones really shines through and I hope it's not too long before you can get back together.

I have no advice because I don't have children myself, but I'm guessing I'm old enough to be your mum, so I'll send you a wee hug from a chunky little Scottish lady! Flowers

squeezeapplesmakejuice · 10/01/2021 10:50

@Piperjay

The trust has broken for sure. If I had broken my leg they wouldn't have called them. I have 2 friends in the whole world because of things like this...
Is there anyway your children can stay with a close blood relative?
Cissyandflora · 10/01/2021 11:25

I think your close friend sounds as good as a ‘blood relative’ so as long as the children are safe and cared for that should tick the social workers boxes.

You are clearly very concerned about your children. That shows you love and care for them and they are your priority. The social workers will see this. You have asked for help. You are taking help and advice but are most concerned about your children. This is all quite positive. You are unwell through no fault of your own and you recognise that.

Try not to panic. Just seek the reassurance that the children are ok and then concentrate on your getting well. You won’t have to be separated forever. I wish you well.

Original poster
Piperjay · 10/01/2021 11:50

Thank u. My dad is from dumfries:)

OP posts:
Original poster
Piperjay · 10/01/2021 11:53

No my mums dead, my dad as schizophrenia and my sister is far away. The trust issue isn't with my friend its nursery. They had no business calling them. I was assured by all that nobody would call them because my kids are safe. It wasn't till my 2nd night here, 8pm, that the social worker called Me. I think that in itself was a very dangerous and irresponsible thing to do with me being on suicide watch

OP posts:
Mumoftwo367743 · 04/04/2022 10:49

What happened in the end If you don’t mind me asking.

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