the case for having 1 child

[bookiecurls]

Theres a chance I could only ever have one child. Can anyone make me feel better about this and tell me what are some good things about only having one?

I love having one! Dd is 6 and a very happy little girl. She's been to the same childminder since she was a baby and is very close to her childminder 'siblings'. She says she likes not having brother or sisters because 'nobody messes with my toys'!! Dp and I are both one of 3 and, while we love our siblings, we also have our fair share of squabbles and bitterness over family issues. My 2 best friends are both only children and are the loveliest people I know. My theory is only children don't grow up bickering so don't have that 'edge' those of us from larger families do.

I am an only child as is my DS and much as initially I would have liked him to have a sibling he did not! He has all my emotional and financial resources and has a brilliant group of friends who have supported him. Most of his friends have siblings but are not necessarily closer to their siblings than he is.

He also really enjoys his alone time and because it's just him, even as an adult, we spend time together and go on holiday.

I honestly dont think as a single parent I could have managed the logistics of two. As it is I could take him wherever he wanted to go.

My experience of only children are that we are not selfish because we do not have to share. Some of the most selfish people I have ever known were part of a big family.

I worry that he will struggle when I'm older or gone but I've raised a self sufficient adult who has always known he is adored.

My only is super-sociable, but also happy in her own company, but is great at making friends and valuing others. She loves spending time with us, and gets opportushe wouldn’t if she had siblings (eg after school activities never clash with siblibgs!). Obviously I’m completely unbiased....!

Generally she doesn’t really see the “point” of younger children, just sees them as mildly irritating creatures she has to put up with when they’re her friends siblings. She’s perfectly nice to them, but in a resigned “I’m being tolerant” way. She doesn’t “get” squabbling and sibling relationships, but I can’t see how that’s damaging to her.

We have one child for a variety of reasons. DS is never lonely, he can't miss siblings he's never had, and he has lots of friends. He's great at entertaining himself, and we never have the hassle of sibling fights and rivalries, and we have a really great bond as we play together a lot. The lockdowns are a challenge, but we manage his need for social contact through video calls and walks with his friends (allowed here). I don't know any different so I've no idea what's easier or harder if you have more children, but I know this is right for our family, and DS is a healthy, happy boy

There’s no need to ‘make a case’ — the only thing that makes it feel anomalous to some people is the still-prevalent myths about spoilt ‘lonely onlies’. Which, I should point out, largely derive from the work of a US psychologist who died in 1924 and who also believed in racial eugenics, that African-Americans had a ‘diminished evolutionary inheritance’ characteristic of ‘lower races’, and that girls should be educated for motherhood and boys for leadership.

Not someone whose views I’d take at all seriously.

There’s no need to ‘make a case’ — the only thing that makes it feel anomalous to some people is the still-prevalent myths about spoilt ‘lonely onlies

Probably the worst thing about having an only child is having to justify yourself to “well meaning” family & friends who: 1.) think you are cruel for having an only, 2.) have never bothered to listen to you & understand your reasons for having an only

@Toffeefee23

There’s no need to ‘make a case’ — the only thing that makes it feel anomalous to some people is the still-prevalent myths about spoilt ‘lonely onlies

Probably the worst thing about having an only child is having to justify yourself to “well meaning” family & friends who: 1.) think you are cruel for having an only, 2.) have never bothered to listen to you & understand your reasons for having an only

Oh, agreed. I was happily childfree till the age of 39, cue the usual questions about Regrets and People to Look After You in Old Age. Then when I had DS, it turned overnight into Lonely Onlies and You Must Give Him a Sibling.

Why can’t people just let it drop & accept some families are very happy with an only