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Original poster

Inconsolable child

28 replies

Mummylou1983 · 08/01/2021 22:19

Hi, need some advice please! Each time my daughter returns from the childminder she can't get out of the car quick enough to get to me, but once we go in our house, she starts crying so so much and is inconsolable. This can go on for up to an hour before she settles herself and calms down. Why does she do this?

OP posts:
OppsUpsSide · 08/01/2021 22:20

How old is she?

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 08/01/2021 22:20

How old is she? Mine did this in reception and year 1! I firmly believe it's because they spend all day being in their best behaviour that when they're in their safe place those pent up emotions just come pouring out. They're just a bit too little to process emotions

Original poster
Mummylou1983 · 08/01/2021 22:25

She's nearly 2. She cries a little when the childminder collects her and then as soon s they drive away shes fine. Soon as she gets home, she's completely inconsolable. I try cuddling her but that doesn't help. I tried ignoring her for afew minutes today but that didnt help either

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Original poster
Mummylou1983 · 08/01/2021 22:26

Btw, I work nights so shes asleep for most of the time shes with the childminder

OP posts:
Janedownourlane · 08/01/2021 22:31

She's relieved to see you but can' really verbalise how she feels so the emotion comes flooding out as tears.

InTheLongGrass · 08/01/2021 22:32

Might not work if it's over a nightshift, but I'd try feeding her as soon as she gets through the door. Yoghurt? Crumpets? Toast? Would all be quick and fairly easy to have on hand every morning.

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 08/01/2021 22:32

She's probably burnt out OP. It's a phase, I say let her get in with it. Sympathise but don't over-coddle. Has she been going to a childminder for long? And is there anything you're particularly concerned about?

Janedownourlane · 08/01/2021 22:32

Can't

Original poster
Mummylou1983 · 08/01/2021 22:37

The childminder feeds her b4 fetching her home so all my daughter wants is more milk.
Shes been going to the same childminder since she was 9mth old, but it's only the last month or so where shes inconsolable on returning home. Today she wouldn't even let me comfort her.

OP posts:
Cakecrumbsinmybra · 08/01/2021 22:39

Have you spoken to childminder about it?

Enb76 · 08/01/2021 22:39

Has she dropped a nap recently?

Original poster
Mummylou1983 · 08/01/2021 22:40

I dont know if it's worth mentioning that I'm a single parent with no family, and my girls' dad doesn't have contact, so all she really has is me? Could this be to do with her behaviour?

OP posts:
Original poster
Mummylou1983 · 08/01/2021 22:41

Not as yet but I'm going to give her a call

OP posts:
Enb76 · 08/01/2021 22:51

Could this be to do with her behaviour?

I doubt it - she doesn't know any different at the moment so she won't pick up that she's missing anything. It's far more likely to be a phase. Try not to worry too much - in a couple of months this will have been a blip.

Original poster
Mummylou1983 · 08/01/2021 23:00

Thanks everyone for the replies

OP posts:
Chanandlerbong01 · 08/01/2021 23:05

Have you had any time off work that’s broken the routine recently?

2bazookas · 08/01/2021 23:07

I'd be worried about the childminder. Ask you child if the childminder is her friend and what sort of games they play.

ifchocolatewerecelery · 08/01/2021 23:07

We've just had a really stressful Christmas period with all the Covid uncertainties. There's no way she's not picked up on that. Hugs, something to eat and something to drink (sucking and chewing are nature's soothers) might help and then it's just riding it out by constantly reminding yourself that this too shall pass.

ssd · 08/01/2021 23:10

This would worry me.

Cantdoitallperfectly · 08/01/2021 23:16

Could you try and change the routine in the morning, take her to the park for 10 min before going home (I’m sure you just what to get home after a night shift) just to see if that will get her out of the habit of crying.

I was a single mum and my DD used to howl when I dropped her to nursery and was exceptionally clingy, it was awful and I blamed the situation with absent Dad and single parenting, she’s a bright and confident 9 year old now. I know it’s a worry for you - do have a chat with the childminder.

NewYearNewLockdown · 08/01/2021 23:20

@Mummylou1983

I dont know if it's worth mentioning that I'm a single parent with no family, and my girls' dad doesn't have contact, so all she really has is me? Could this be to do with her behaviour?
No.

Definitely speak to the childminder, maybe a new child has started who she doesn't like for example.

converseandjeans · 08/01/2021 23:30

Might there be something scaring her - new dog, new boyfriend, another child being mean?

Otherwise I would guess she's worn out and relieved to see you.

OppsUpsSide · 08/01/2021 23:33

Google attachment theory. Based on your updates I think it’s probably a fairly normal, age appropriate response to her situation as far as she understands it and can express her feelings. But you might find something helpful in terms of how best to support her/get through this phase.

Canyoncall · 08/01/2021 23:35

My DD did this at exactly same age - discovered later that she was being physically and verbally assaulted by “caree” - look for clues

Original poster
Mummylou1983 · 08/01/2021 23:54

@2bazookas

I'd be worried about the childminder. Ask you child if the childminder is her friend and what sort of games they play.
When I mention to my daughter that her 'Aunty' is coming to pick her up, she always smiles and points at the door. She never looks scared or worried
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