Pushed out at dads house

[Blu13]

So basically my 8 year old keeps coming back from his dads, telling tales about his dads partner not being nice to him. The list is endless of things I’ve been told Such as taking photos down of him which makes him feel left out and keeping the ones up of their baby girl instead. I find myself at a cross roads knowing what to do for the best here because I want to keep the peace and a lot of it sounds pretty petty but not petty to a child. He’s constantly being told to apologise by his dad and nana by saying he’s letting his family down when he goes for his behaviour. and he’s now got to the point where he’s crying 3 nights in a row after stopping there and he doesn’t even want to go. I don’t know what to do? Please help

Similar here (years ago) and it started to spill over into attention seeking behaviour at school on the Monday after a weekend visit at his fathers and the school picked up on it and referred him to a family psychiatrist which was a really eye opener.

According to him I was wrong to force my son to go. My daughter wa happy as her father and his new partner has baby girls which she was allowed to help with and my son was completely alienated and left out during visits.

He said that my son was 9 and capable of making Busby own decision not to visit if he didn’t want to so I said he didn’t have to go and the relief for him was great.

My daughter still carried on visiting and they both continued to see their grandmother, their fathers mother. Importantly, my sons attention seeking behaviour at school stopped!

Listen to your child and don’t force them to go if they are unhappy.

that’s nasty, taking his photo down. No wonder he
Feels pushed out. I would contact dad and tell him how your son feels

Have you tried talking to them. It might not be like that , the frame could be broken or something. 8 yr olds can be rather dramatic and if they are feeling sensitive they could be taking it the wrong way

Any chance his dad would be reasonable about having a chat about it? I sort if get the photos thing - when we had our second dc we had to taken down some of the large number of her photos so we could have an equal number of dc2, could that be what is happening?

I'd raise it with his dad. And if the arrangements are not court ordered I'd give him the opportunity not to go. Poor little thing.

Thanks ladies. I really appreciate your advice. I’ve spoken to his dad which I was really nervous about doing and we’ve come to an agreement where he just sees him on his own for a couple of hours in the week to get him used to going again but obviously only if my son wants to go. Your totally right not to let your child go if they don’t want too.

My SM did that with the pictures and as a child it really hurt. My grandmother told her off and she put up a really horrible picture of me with my eyes closed

I’m glad you’ve spoken to him and he is seeing him by himself. It might have been a shock to hear that his son didn’t want to go. Sometimes kids can fall down the cracks in blended families and it’s really important that doesn’t happen.