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Original poster

Shall I offer an A level student a home?

47 replies

NellietheNumpty · 07/01/2021 20:29

I received an email from a local school to see if I can help. They have an A level student who has had to leave the family home because of DV. They are over 18 and have urgent accommodation needs.
There is a bit more to this but I want to hear some honest views.

OP posts:
Original poster
NellietheNumpty · 07/01/2021 20:56

@Parsley1234 Exactly. This person would be out of reach of school friends, funds..... Even if they can be housed in the next day or so.

OP posts:
weebarra · 07/01/2021 20:58

I know it's not quite the same, but care experienced young people can find themselves in a very bad place when they are no longer 'looked after'. It's very difficult for those young people who, for example, are some of the minority who get to university, after university terms end.
I would support this young person if you can.

planningaheadtoday · 07/01/2021 21:00

It was pretty bleak for 18+ year olds even before covid. They are housed by the council until 18 in a supported shared house type arrangement as it's the cheapest. At 18 they often fall though the huge inadequacies in the system due to lack of funding from government. And this was before covid.

Copperblack has given you some good advice.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General education
HelloDulling · 07/01/2021 21:00

If you have spare room, perhaps a spare bathroom, and don’t have too many house rules, yes, you absolutely should.

Parsley1234 · 07/01/2021 21:05

It’s really intense out there - every day people are turning up to out offices it’s very depressing and it really depends on whom you get to help you you cd be lucky My team and I try our best and go above and beyond however not everyone does though

Bigtroubleinlittletrousers · 07/01/2021 21:07

Yes. Could be very positive for both of you. I have volunteered with a charity for homeless teenagers and thank god that there are people around who will take the risk of doing so. I know that if anything had happened to me whilst my kids were teenagers they could have ended up in such a situation and would wish that someone would have a kind enough heart to help.

indieschool2000 · 07/01/2021 21:10

Do you know the young person at all? Do you have children at the school?

It would depend on my own family situation what children I had and their needs. It would also depend on the young person, what additional needs they had, do they have behavioural/mental health problems that you might find yourself dealing with but perhaps don't have the experience for?

I would be concerned about 'dump and run'. Social services would see them as being in a 'safe place' and therefore would not be interested if there are any problems - e.g. young person going out all hours, drinking etc.

However, if you think you get a full picture of what this young person needs and you can help them, then yes, I would help. I am assuming because they are so vulnerable they would be allowed to attend school every day? I would get that in writing from the school.

waddlemyway · 07/01/2021 21:16

My OH slept rough for around three months at that age. Sometimes on friends’ sofas, sometimes under bridges. One day his then girlfriend’s dad wanted to drive him home and when OH couldn’t give him a straight answer as to where he lived, the dad copped. They took him in there and then for a few weeks till he could get himself sorted. He ended up staying a few years. It literally changed his life around. He once told me he never knew that empathy even existed till he lived in that house with that family. So if you have the space and the patience, and it sounds like you already have the heart, please strongly consider giving this kid the chance to get the grades and learn that there are good, caring and supportive people out there. It could quite possibly turn their life around or at the very least set them on the right track.

Original poster
NellietheNumpty · 07/01/2021 21:16

Thanks again for all your replies. As you can see I need to make a quick decision.
To reiterate I have had lodgers for over 20 years. I have been contacted by the school because of this. I live in a close knit community and it is known by the local school that I will give substantial support. As I mentioned I supported an anorexic 1st year university student recently.
Because of the confidentiality and the speed needed on this one I wanted to use the hive mind.
As lots of you have said we hope someone who stand in for our child if they were ever in need.

OP posts:
Thamesis · 07/01/2021 21:24

OP I think it would be amazing if you could do this. You sound experienced and as pp have said, it could make a huge difference to this person's life Flowers

Serenschintte · 07/01/2021 21:29

I think I’d want to meet them first. Have a chat and talk about ground rules.
But in theory if you can help them and are in a position to do so.

LynetteScavo · 07/01/2021 21:35

Yes I would.

What are your main concerns?

Original poster
NellietheNumpty · 07/01/2021 21:37

@waddlemyway
Your story has made up my mind for me. We are due snow tomorrow I no one should be sleeping rough. @Copperblack I will talk to the school about this option once the dust has settled.
I am so glad I have you all to talk to. I hope between us we can support this pupil.
Sorry to those of you who asked questions which I have left unanswered I am sure you can imagine why.

OP posts:
Bargebill19 · 07/01/2021 21:41

Yes would be my answer. I can guess how this has come about, as it has happened to a friend (as the adult) and to me (as the child).

You will never truly know just what a difference you will have made.

Original poster
NellietheNumpty · 07/01/2021 21:41

@LynetteScavo
A great question. A school pupil is a different lodger to a university student I don’t know enough. I knew someone like @Copperblack would come along and advice. I don’t want to cut someone off from support by being naive.
It was also the COVID complication with the lack of face to face meetings and the risk it brings to my home.

OP posts:
Lucieintheskye · 07/01/2021 21:52

I've no advice but could you put them up for a night and investigate more the day after? The poor love would appreciate a safe place for the night, and wouldn't be much bother for just one, I'm sure they'd be willing to be extra careful with distancing etc (I know that's no guarantee, but in these circumstances it would have to be make a best of a bad situation).

You're a very kind person to even consider this option, though it's understandable if you don't feel it's safe.

hiredandsqueak · 07/01/2021 22:05

One of my dd's friends ended up homeless during A levels. She was seventeen and essentially social care weren't interested. She went to live with a school friend's family but from what dd said it was tough on them all as they didn't foresee it being a longterm prospect and her parents offered no financial support and the girls' friendship struggled. She moved out into private rented accommodation and worked full time in a supermarket when her friend left for uni.

Redsquirrel5 · 07/01/2021 22:14

I would do it. You could ask for a trial period say 3 months on both sides. It would give the young person breathing space. As you have had experience I can understand why they might have approached you privately. There was a similar request on our local county council site. 16-18year olds requiring supported accommodation.

I did have my BF youngest son for about six months in a house I owned. My second son lived there and had known BF son since he was a baby. I gave him reduced rent and told to let me know if he needed any help financial or otherwise. I checked in with him every week to 10days.His parents were working abroad. He went for six weeks but didn’t like it so I said he could come home and live there. We did say he could live here, though we didn’t really have the room. It worked out fine and now he sometimes lets me babysit his lovely children.
It was different in that I knew him well but I think if you meet them first it will help both of you. The three months will give you an option if anything doesn’t work. It will probably only be for six months anyway. It could be a wonderful life line for someone. Good luck.

Gilead · 07/01/2021 22:19

I’ve done this a couple of times. Don’t forget clothes, rules, washing, the boring stuff.
I don’t regret having done it.

LynetteScavo · 07/01/2021 22:35

There are many reasons you might say no (DS asked me if his 19yo friend could move in with us recently- there were a few of reasons I didn't jump to say yes, the main one being I think he is genuinely better off where he is)

If the young person has applied to university, but has no support to help them get there, I can't think of anything more satisfying than helping them make the transition. More than once I actually cried when DS1 was going through the process of applying to uni and sorting out accommodation, etc, because I know there are DC who don't have the help he did, and it's really not fair. I don't know why it got to me so much, but it really upset me that some might not make it to university just because they don't have the support when applying.

bushhbb · 07/01/2021 22:57

As someone who recently (last month) had to leave my family home, this would be really nice if you to do

Especially as you're someone with experience with lodgers, you'll know what to do in terms of rules, and I'd imagine it's something you're comfortable with

Also very touching story @waddlemyway thank you for sharing

DishingOutDone · 07/01/2021 23:01

There's a charity scheme called Nightstop in some parts of the country where people volunteer to make a spare bed available to a homeless young person, normally a teenager, at short notice for a couple of nights whilst other arrangements are being set up. What the OP is describing seems to be a more informal but similar arrangement and if she can keep this young person safe long term then she is a complete hero.

With Nightstop the charity does the risk assessment on both you and the young person, but you don't get to have a look at them first and say "I want that one" ...!! Hmm

uk.depaulcharity.org/nightstop-about-us/

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