Any ideas for dd's medical appointments?

[ChooChooCho]

Hi everyone, just looking for a little advice.

My DD has had a lot of medical appointments since birth, for a ongoing condition and for investigations. My "problem" is, like a lot of young children (I imagine) she absolutely hates them. The usual process is a quick chat, examination, then in depth chat. When they do the examination she screams, fights and gets extremely upset, and carries on until we leave the hospital.

Before covid, her dad would come with and take her after the examination, to shush and calm her while I talked to the doctor's. However now it's one parent only, I'm finding it extremely difficult to have a conversation with a screaming child in my ear.

I've tried everything, shushing, patting, toys, pure bribery of biscuits and my phone. But simply nothing will stop her screaming and clawing at me.

Any one got any ideas? Would it be okay to ask the doctor to write down their "findings" incase I can't hear anything important? I've wondered if maybe there was some sort of chaperone nurse who could take DD if I need to talk about important things, but I doubt there's anyone spare to do that sort of thing?

Next pediatrics appointments is next week and I'm dreading it.

Is there any way they can cover most of the in depth chat before the examination? Obviously it depends on the specifics of your DD's condition but that might be worth a go?

Ask the doctor to phone you after appointment?

Take something new to the appointment, say a glow stick etc - something that she hasn't seen and use that to distract her.

How old is she?

Unfortunately for the majority of appointments they have to examine first. It's a lot of looking at her condition, seeing how it's changed since last time.

Taking something new might work, I like the idea of a glow stick. Thank you.

She's nearly 2

Do you get letters after each appointment? Could the key elements be put in the letters?

Whenever my daughter sees her paediatrician the paediatrician sends a summary letter to the GP/other professionals after the appointment and we receive a copy. Most of the other doctors she sees do the same so usually a letter follows in the post after every appointment. Maybe worth asking if they do this and if so could they please send you a copy?
My daughter was the same and I had to let her have dummy/comforter although it didn’t entirely calm her. She also used to enjoy looking at the photos of herself on my phone, although needed help so this worked better during an examination than a chat with the doctor. She’s three now and so much better but it is so hard when they are little and frightened

Yes we do get a letter, it's when they ask me questions that's most difficult. I suppose I could ask them to ask me all the questions first and then use their letter afterwards. I hate being an inconvenience, I don't want them to think I'm being difficult. Silly I know.

Sometimes they give us things to do, different exercises and such. So if they say do x starting immediately and we don't get the review letter for 3 weeks, that's not much use.

They won't mind too much if I ask to just note that down for me will they??

Ohh that’s a tricky age. Within 6-8 months though it should get a lot better, as she will be more able to understand an explanation of what’s happening, and also will become more fascinated by screens so they will distract better.

I think asking the dr to call you is worth a try - you could even just walk around the block with DD in a buggy straight after the examination and have the call on your mobile as you push, if the dr wants to speak straight after the exam.

Failing that, I can only suggest some sort of major distraction like giving DD a piggyback round the room or bouncing on knee while singing as the doctor talks - Pausing to answer questions!

I have had similar situations where I’ve had older DC (SN) having appointment and refusing to wait quietly while I talk and sometimes baby DC2 in tow too. Doctors are used to it but I understand the fear of missing or failing to mention something.

Hi, I work in a childrens hospital and this is so common. It's trauma - she associates the examination with pain/distress so panics and cannot calm down. Do your hospital have a play team? It is useful to be referred to them as if this is likely to be long term then she could do with some support. You don't say how old your DD is but can you play act the examination on a teddy? Sometimes children bring a toy to me and I will do everything ( check weight, blood pressure etc) on them first. Please PM me if I can help at all! Oh also, we are allowing both parents if necessary so if your child becomes upset your husband will most likely be able to wait outside the room even if not allowed in to the consultation and can whisk her away as usual!

@ChooChooCho

Sometimes they give us things to do, different exercises and such. So if they say do x starting immediately and we don't get the review letter for 3 weeks, that's not much use.

They won't mind too much if I ask to just note that down for me will they??

My baby has regular appointments, any exercises we are given are written down for me as stickman pictures with a few words describing each one. I am pretty grateful for this as it is easy to forget what is said, a few weeks later we get the typed up report with actual photos of him in the positions he needs to be in for each exercise.

Can you use the voice recorder on your phone? We do that for DP's oncology appointments if I am not able to attend too.

Sorry I've just seen she's almost 2. This is a really good age for play acting with doctors kit etc. Basically anything to give her a positive association. A lot of my tiny patients are like this, old enough to remember they don't like it but not really old enough to have it explained. It might help to start building her up to it a few days before.. "the Dr will feel your tummy, then mummy will give you a special treat. Would you like a lollipop or a magazine?" Then the focus is on the treat for after. Then again in the consultation room you can say, remember the dr feels your tummy then your treat. It's good for children to know what's coming rather than not knowing they will be coming to hospital etc. Obviously if there are communication or speech issues this has to be altered slightly. I meant to say last time, I have often taken children out of the room in their prams while the parents chat but if this isn't an option some of our consultants don't mind parents audio recording so they can listen back later. Hope it all goes okay!

Does Peppa pig on your iPad not work?
Or chocolate buttons..,

All lovely advice, thank you everyone

Great idea about acting it out on toys, her favourite Shaun the Sheep will be getting examined over the next few days

I'm also looking at some sensory fiddle type bracelets online, she loves putting things on her arms, so I could whip that out.

Cocomelon have a doctor check up song might be helpful
What about a light up toy like a spinner or a homemade sensory bottle... The imagination tree or pinterest have lots of good ideas on how to make them

Last time I put Duggee on my phone and she threw it at a poor nurse

It's a bit of a pain but anything wrapped up is usually a hit! So 2 or 3 little things wrapped might distract her long enough to calm her down! It will be fine, good luck x

Hi OP,
I have a similar issue with my DD.
Honestly I gave up trying sensible things. I just let her watch things on my phone (Peppa pig etc) with the sound off.

Have you thought of having a wrapped up present for her to open afterwards? I would have a shiny box with a lid, and is put a few fiddly things in it, maybe some chocolate buttons, a bead bracelet, a mini book, a little Shaun the sheep, a torch etc. for her to open and explore while you chat.
She might be too young but when mine had injections they held the present in their hands and knew they could open it as soon as it was done.

Have you asked the hospital whether they can allow you to bring an extra carer for DD given the circumstances, OP?

As a PP suggests, I'd also recommend asking for the play therapist to contact you before the next appointment to explain the issues and see what they can suggest. If they don't have one, I'd explain the problem to the clinic manager or DD's main nurse/clinician beforehand as they will assume you're fine with it all unless you ask for help.

Poor thing. I think it's developmental. She can't verbalise her feelings well so is lashing out.

I'm a dentist and more importantly a mum, and most children get past it. My stubborn toddler patients more often than not come skipping in as they get older. Lots of patience and love and a bit of whatever it takes. Some Great ideas here for you to try. As she gets older she will hopefully understand but try not to make a battle of it. Lots of genuine praise if she does well (they spot a fake a mile off). Unfortunately children will take their fears out on their mothers.

Sometimes I suggest dad brings them into surgery. They soon behave!

I've never heard of a play therapist, it's certainly worth looking into!

Thank you again everyone

Firstly the doctors will be more than used to it. Pre pandemic I had consultants whipping out their own phones to play things to help entertain DS!

If she is showing signs of disliking hospitals (rather than just getting bored) ask them about play therapy at the hospital to get her used to things.

Could you do an appointment to do the physical checks needed and then schedule one via attends anywhere or whatever the system the hospital uses to do the in-depth talking?