So sick of myself

[TheOriginalNutty]

Didn't know where to put this hence it being in chat.

I am so so sick of myself being so unmotivated, lazy, and just meh when I'm at home. At work I'm fine.

I used to be like this all of the time and I know when I was on here years ago I did peoples heads in with my moaning and inability to change things and rightly so. So much has changed since then and I am proud of me for that but then there seems to be this other side of me that just will not sort itself out.

I work mon-fri in a very busy NHS admin role and despite not having much confidence in my own abilities I think I do a good job. I'm always there early, always well dressed and professional and in the rarer quiet moments I will always busy myself doing something. I work with lovely people and feel very lucky to have ended up where I am.

At home I am the complete opposite. I get home around 5:15, cook dinner or lately order takeout, shower, and sit on the sofa channel hopping until about 10pm when I go to bed and scroll on my phone for about an hour before going to sleep. Week nights I generally sleep ok.

Weekends I don't set an alarm so I wake and get up anywhere between 8:30-11. I'll eat breakfast and then sit, and sit some more, might get dressed but not always, possibly chuck some washing in and that's it. I don't have tv on in the day so might have music on but I just end up wasting the whole day.

It's not that there isn't anything to do, there is so so much to do. I'm halfway through decorating the kitchen, in-fact the whole house because I tend to get half way and stop. I'm 3 stone overweight and have every diet cookbook under the sun yet I'll probably cook something g out of it once a month if that. I do zero exercise my diet is awful.

This week I've been off work because when I got in on Monday morning I had a high temp so I was sent home and I'm waiting on a covid result. Pretty sure I don't have covid as I do lateral flow testing twice a week and I had the covid jab last weekend so I think it was just a reaction to that. Anyway my point is yes I have felt a bit rough but I still could have done some stuff. I have done absolutely nothing except take the Xmas tree down. I've moved between my bed and the sofa the whole time, oh and the bath.

I can't work out why I am like this. It's almost like my brain thinks 'no don't do that because then you won't have any time to chill' but all I do is chill. I clearly like the routine of having to go to work and being at work but once home that stops and I turn into a lazy slob.

I need to change this and now but I don't know how to make the changes stick.

Any words of wisdom would be much appreciated

Life is a bit rubbish for most of us at the moment. If lounging around at home, not making any extra demands on yourself is what you find yourself doing, that's possibly what you need to be doing right now.

You don't sound particularly concerned about the possibility of catching / having caught the virus, but I'd imagine going to work right now must be quite mentally/ spiritually taxing. On top of the relentless bad news. Give yourself a break.

Oh, and recipe books won't help you lose weight. Eating less is all! (Give up meat, invest in a regular veg box delivery, never allow takeaways or shop bought snacks into your house. I'd usually say exclude alcohol as well, but things are bleak right now.)

Fingers crossed for your test results.

I’m lazy and love downtime... I have a reward system :)
Put laundry on, make coffee, read 1 hour
Hang laundry out, make coffee, one episode
Spray and wipe kitchen, another episode
Hour walk, home exercises, luxurious shower
Scrub bathroom, beauty treatments

You get the jist!

I book and pay for a lot of things in advance which forces me out too, love once there!

Thank you both for your replies

I would be concerned if it was covid but more for others than myself. I had it back in April and it was rough but nothing like other poor people have had.

Today I have forced myself to get up, Chuck my hair dye on and actually get dressed. This in turn has mean I have done far more today so far than I have done all week.

Wish you could motivation lol

You sound like me.

I work in a care home and by the time I've done my shifts (12hrs 3x a week and a 6hr once), I feel fit for nothing. It's such an exhausting time both physically and mentally. I think it's the constant needing to be vigilant ALL the time, plus my care home locked down way before the government decided to so we've been in lockdown for about 10 months and taken it seriously. Still most of us got covid 🙄. It's not even the fear of us getting it that exhausted us, it's the fear of passing it unknowingly to someone very vulnerable.

I think you have to give yourself some grace to be honest. It's hard at the moment. I literally force myself to get out for a walk on my days off and after my short shift. Half hour if it's all you can manage, you might find once you're out then you want to keep going. Then reward yourself with a bubble bath and tv, or chocs or whatever it is you enjoy.

Hope you feel better soon.

I can identify with this, in normal times I would say having people round helps to give you that accountability and motivation. Maybe some kind of online support group would help a bit.

Oh my goodness ......... "my brain thinks 'no don't do that because then you won't have any time to chill' but all I do is chill. " This is me in a nutshell! thank you for summing up my mindset for me.

but with me I can waste a whole day off moping around the house in a bad mood berating myself for not doing jobs when I should have just enjoyed doing nothing!

I think i have slight ADD which means procrastinate for as long as possible (usually right up until a deadlne) before lighting a rocket up my backside but sometimes I get really into it and spurs me on to do other errands.

What I've found helps is living with other people so i dont let domestic duties be forgotten, I also hava a wonderful best friend who we spur each other on and ask each other what we have planned to achieve.

Good luck!