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Original poster

Alcoholic DP handhold please

26 replies

Twinkletwinkledeathstar · 06/01/2021 15:59

NC for this

DP has promised to quit drinking alcohol and after his drinks last night, he’s woken up and hasn’t had a drink all day and seems to be determined.

I’m so happy as he is a functioning alcoholic however his drinking has caused issues with us.

Problem is, I feel so bad already. He is feeling awful and twitching already pretty much non stop. I of course won’t but I almost want him to drink as I know it will make him feel better.

Proud already but feel so sorry for DP. Can anyone give any advise or at least a handhold. Watching someone I love suffer isn’t easy at all

OP posts:
Lemonpiano · 06/01/2021 16:01

Going cold turkey is dangerous if he's a heavy drinker. He shouldn't be doing that without medical supervision.

Has Al Anon been suggested to you previously? (Not AA for him, Al Anon for you).

ZooeyS · 06/01/2021 16:02

I don't know much about alcoholism but if he's twitching and feeling really awful, it sounds like he might have been drinking a huge amount. Has he ever spoken with a doctor about stopping suddenly? Is it safe for him to do so?

Geppili · 06/01/2021 16:03

How much has he been drinking? It can be dangerous for an alcoholic to go cold turkey. Have you and he got any medical/psychological support?

Geppili · 06/01/2021 16:04

Seriously, my enabling mother threw out all my step dad's booze and he had a fit, broke several ribs.

ApolloandDaphne · 06/01/2021 16:05

I agree with pp. I can be really dangerous for an alcoholic to go cold turkey. He needs to get medical advice for this if he is feeling awful and getting twitchy already. How much has he been drinking daily?

ohsuzannah · 06/01/2021 16:11

Yes, it's dangerous. He could have a seizure and needs medical supervision if he's serious about giving up. Good luck to you both.

Original poster
Twinkletwinkledeathstar · 06/01/2021 16:13

He won’t speak to any doctors or support, I’ve tried so hard. His condition to stop was I let him do it his way or not at all.

He drinks from when he gets up at 9am till 1/2am.

OP posts:
Lemonpiano · 06/01/2021 16:24

Oh, op, this is not a solution. You can't fix him.

Original poster
Twinkletwinkledeathstar · 06/01/2021 16:28

@Lemonpiano

Oh, op, this is not a solution. You can't fix him.
I’m not trying to fix him, he’s the one making changes but I can support him as he does this.
OP posts:
Frownette · 06/01/2021 16:29

He needs a strong B vitamin complex for starters but also medical advice.

He might need a drink a day until he gets some help, is this doable? You may have a very hard road ahead of you so I hope you have help yourself

Lemonpiano · 06/01/2021 16:31

I’ve tried so hard. His condition to stop was I let him do it his way or not at all.

He needs medical supervision.

If you're not taking care of yourself and in denial about how dangerous this is then with respect you're not in any position to provide any kind of support to him.

Frownette · 06/01/2021 16:33

I'll never forget trying to assist someone with a medical detox last year, it ultimately failed after I'd left but at the time I was terrified he'd have a seizure.

mindutopia · 06/01/2021 16:39

I am not a medic, but someone who drinks from 9am-1/2am every day should not be trying to quit cold turkey on a whim with no medical input. Beyond that, it's simply not going to be successful. If it was that easy to quit, he wouldn't have to drink all day every day and would have stopped already. It sounds like he will need support when he starts to struggle and you probably need to consider if you are really the person to be providing it. You can't fix it and it seems an awful burden to put on you right now - especially when life is already so stressful at the moment.

theThreeofWeevils · 06/01/2021 16:40

His condition to stop was I let him do it his way or not at all

And wjile some of his twitching and suffering might be genuine, he is carefully setting himself up to be given 'permission' to continue when you break his rules by recruiting external support/advice/assistance. Addicts are cunning lile that.
And then he will keep reminding you that he 'tried'.

ApolloandDaphne · 06/01/2021 16:40

You say he is a functioning alcoholic but how can he be functioning at all if he is drinking all day every day? Does he hold down a job?

BritInAus · 07/01/2021 02:53

Everything @lemonpiano, @mindutopia and @thethreeofweevils have said.

This isn't a sustainable or sensible plan.

I hope you have support, OP. Being the partner of an alcoholic is horrific. I say this with experience.

TheOneLeggedJockey · 07/01/2021 02:58

Do you have children?

I can’t understand why anyone would hang around and put up with this.

I’m sure you will now say you love him, as if that’s some kind of rational for a miserable existence.

dottycat123 · 07/01/2021 03:24

I work in mental health liaison and closely with local alcohol services, if he is twitching he could be experiencing withdrawal symptoms and should have a drink. Alcohol withdrawal needs planning with a reducing regime which if planned with support can be done at home. He is at risk of seizures and developing a wernikes encephalopathy which untreated can cause irreversible brain damage. He needs a drink and to plan this with home support.

SD1978 · 07/01/2021 03:26

Be aware that seizures are pretty common, and most likely will happen on the next 24-48hrs if he is withdrawing. If he insists on doing this, and won't seek medical assistance to do so, you need to make sure he is someone with him at all times to call an ambulance when he starts seizing, so they can give him diazepam.

AlwaysCheddar · 07/01/2021 07:31

Does he have a job?

AlwaysCheddar · 07/01/2021 07:31

I assume he doesn’t/can’t drive?

Brinksmanship · 07/01/2021 07:33

He needs to engage with support and services to do this.

He’s manipulating you. And he’s doing this like this so as to set himself up for failure with your connivance.

Walk away for your own good.

FippertyGibbett · 07/01/2021 07:36

Just be aware that he might be trying to get you to ‘allow’ him to drink.
Alcoholics can be very manipulative .

Buttercupcup · 07/01/2021 07:43

I’m sorry you and your partner are going through this OP Flowers
However I say this as a HCP with years of experience in addiction and liver disease NEVER stop drinking alcohol cold turkey if there is any level of dependence it is incredibly dangerous. This level of drinking needs a medically managed detox. Depending how long the drinking has been going on for I would also highly recommend getting liver function assessed. The first step in tackling alcohol dependence is acknowledging you have a problem and then seeking the appropriate help. Tackling it his way, appreciating we don’t know the full story, it appears he may not have fully acknowledged what is going on and taking a ‘my way’ approach is he retaining control I’m not sure this attempt at detoxing is going to end well unless he seeks help.

BritInAus · 07/01/2021 08:15

Thinking of you, OP. The road to sobriety is not smooth, fast or easy. It is, sadly, not that often successful in the long term.

Some wise words someone gave me about a year before I was ready to leave my alcoholic ‘D’P - it’s their choice if they drink or not. If they want help or not. All you can choose is if you want to stick around or not - but if you decide to stay, know that they will always be an alcoholic - whether they’re currently drinking or not.

I hope all the best for you both, but I also hope you have real life support for yourself. It could well go pear shaped and I hope you are ok. Happy to PM if you like, I have been where you are. X