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Bloody DH's bloody perfect family and friends

24 replies

LaMarschallin · 05/01/2021 21:39

Maybe I should have put this in the coronavirus topic. But the corona part is a bit of a symptom not the infection per se. To use topical language.
Or maybe it should be in AIBU.
But I actually don't think I am.
And I don't want people shouting at me if it turns out I'm wrong.

Several times DH has criticised things about me that he excuses in family and friends.
Fair enough, he doesn't have to live with them like he does with me and I don't want him falling out with people.
But he won't even admit in private that they may occasionally be less than perfect.

Anyway, I'm feeling really grumpy today. We honestly have followed the guidelines to the letter. Especially as DH had some risk factors.
I've said idly a couple of times that I'm not sure we know anybody who's been as strict as us. Just the usual little things.
He's adamant that his family and friends haven't slipped at all.

Well...! In November when it was okay to meet up with another household, we made arrangements to meet a friend of his who lives alone.
Friend didn't want to come to the house - basically wanted to visit three different pubs in our town. Hmm...
Then, the tiers changed and it wasn't going to be okay so friend suggested he come anyway and we pretend to be from one household. Makes joke about how easy it is to get your phone number wrong on track & trace tee-hee.
DH not happy to do this but explains that friend wouldn't really have done this, he was just frustrated at thwarted plans.

Anyway, his family are behaving. Obviously.

Rings his DB at Christmas. DB tells him how he's imported his MiL from the north of England to Wales for Christmas.
No way around it - there was a terrible flood in her house beginning of last year; insurance dragged their feet and - would you believe it?* - her house became full of workmen just before Christmas and is un-liveable in.
Me: But she's got three other grown children all living in the same town as her?

DH: Woff Woff Sure it must be legit... er.... somehow.

Anyway, Christmas-wise, I left my grownup daughters' presents on.their doorsteps and they did the same for me and DH (their stepfather).

Son in law's birthday is this month - next town, 7 miles away.
I asked - not very hopefully - whether we could leave his present on the doorstep.
So, a 14 mile round trip but no contact at all.

I was expecting a "no" (probably rightly) but he reacted as though I suggested going around licking discarded used facemasks!

So I'll get the present sent straight to daughter's address (warning them not to look at the receipt).
For health reasons I'm not driving at the moment as I'd have been jolly tempted to go by myself.

It's not the silly little breeches of rules (maybe it should be?) it's the double standards that kill me!

*Hint: I don't Smile

OP posts:
LaMarschallin · 05/01/2021 21:40

Bloody hell that's long!
Sorry Blush

OP posts:
LaMarschallin · 06/01/2021 11:37

Hopeful bump as I'm still peeved today (and really bored as well).

OP posts:
leafinthewind · 06/01/2021 11:41

Your DH doesn't sound very nice in these stories... Do you have the money for cabs? Sounds like you need a bit more independence from him so you can make these decisions for yourself and then justify it afterwards. Like his friends and family do.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

SleepingStandingUp · 06/01/2021 11:44

So did he want to go in to see SIL or did he not want to visit at all?

MamaTookMyEyebrows · 06/01/2021 11:47

Meh he’s defensive at perceived criticism of his family and friends. That’s all.

SleepingStandingUp · 06/01/2021 11:48

Does he criticise you alot in normal life? Every time he moans, I'd try and find a correlation with something good family have done.

I can't believe you did that!!
Well I assumed you'd be ok when Mary did the same

Etc

And decide if I still wanted to be with him

LaMarschallin · 06/01/2021 11:49

Generally he is nice. It just seems a real blind spot with him and he's really annoyed me by being so gullible.
I don't want to LTB or anything Smile

I do have money for a cab but it would provoke a row. Suspect I'll just get the present sent to SiL's house.

Truthfully, I wanted to get it off my chest and have it confirmed that, in this particular aspect, he's being an arse.

OP posts:
LaMarschallin · 06/01/2021 11:53

SleepingStandingUp

So did he want to go in to see SIL or did he not want to visit at all?

Definitely wouldn't have gone in - I wouldn't have either.
My tentative plan was to be driven the 7 miles to their house, leave said present on the doorstep - without seeing them - get back into the car and return straight home.
Which is what we did at Christmas.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 06/01/2021 12:00

Yeah he is, Def call him out on it every time

LaMarschallin · 06/01/2021 12:15

Yeah he is

Thanks Smile

Although I know I would have actually been breaking the rules ( non-essential journey from our small town to a slightly bigger town), I really didn't think my idea was as bad as his reaction implied.
So I suppose I was also wondering if I was BU, but - as I said - I'm too much of a wimp for AIBU.

OP posts:
RubyFakeLips · 06/01/2021 12:23

Personally, would tell him that it pisses you off that he can’t extend same generosity spirit to you as he clearly does to other people.

Make him see from your point of view, doesn’t mean he won’t stop. I imagine he just feel defensive of people, and this probably extends to you.

But you are right!

fairislecable · 06/01/2021 12:28

If the car is not used the battery will go flat. So in the interest of car maintenance and sorting 2 jobs at once he should support you in delivering the gift.

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 06/01/2021 12:29

Seems to be that he wants to give the benefit of the doubt to everybody else, but not to you because he's in the same house and can't fool himself.

Whythesadface · 06/01/2021 12:55

Why don't you just get a courier to collect them from you and drop the at the other house?
We did this at Xmas.

YoniAndGuy · 06/01/2021 12:58

'Could you stop constantly making excuses for your family and friends? It makes me cringe a bit and makes me think a bit less of you, and them.'

Palavah · 06/01/2021 13:01

Tell him he can either make excuses for his friends and family OR be holier than thou about your choices/F&F.

Not both.

Sparkletastic · 06/01/2021 13:26

I'd pull him up on his hypocrisy and double standards. It's him not you - YANBU

CaffeineInfusion · 06/01/2021 13:36

Is this a recent marriage?

He sounds a bit set in his ways...

Shoxfordian · 06/01/2021 13:42

What’s the point of driving there to leave a present if you’re not going to see them? Just get it delivered

He does sound a bit of a knob though

LaMarschallin · 06/01/2021 13:44

CaffeineInfusion

Is this a recent marriage?

That's impressive intuitive Smile

Yes, nearly a year now. His first.
I had known him 20 odd years though but as a friend and work colleague.

OP posts:
LaMarschallin · 06/01/2021 13:55

What’s the point of driving there to leave a present if you’re not going to see them? Just get it delivered

Which is what I will do.
Originally, though, I had another present in mind which I would have bought locally.
And I would have liked to wrap any present up nicely etc, although I realise that may seem a bit OTT.

OP posts:
Whythesadface · 06/01/2021 13:59

Look up some sites and tell him it's day light robbery for £3 max of petrol, but tell him that your sure he will feel the money is well spent so he keeps his principals.
However this does mean that as your DH is morally grounded , that your sure he won't want to break any rules in the next 2 months.

LaMarschallin · 06/01/2021 14:07

Look up some sites and tell him it's day light robbery for £3 max of petrol

That just might work... Smile

However this does mean that as your DH is morally grounded , that your sure he won't want to break any rules in the next 2 months.

Honestly, yes.
I know he found it incredibly difficult to say "no" to the friend I mentioned, but he didn't for one second consider going.
Not sure how much is morals, tbh (although he did used to sit on an ethics committee), and how much is fear.

OP posts:
giantangryrooster · 06/01/2021 14:09

We have a saying you may use 'double standards are double good eh' followed by a hefty eyeroll Grin.

Tell him, if he thinks you are being unreasonable and others saintly, you can prove him right, if that's what he wants. What a miserable old goat Grin.

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