What is your quality of life like in comparison with your parents?

[Isla2021]

To me quality of life is about having a good balance between family life, work and leisure and being able to have CHOICES in life to make life easier/better, I.e holidays, weekend breaks, a comfortable home being, being able to afford hobbies for children etc. Family also means a lot to me and to me having those close to me increases my quality of life incredibly ❤

I am sure this is subjective as to what this means to you.

But I would like to ask the question what your quality of life is like compared to your parents? Do you think your quality of life has directly been impacted by the way you were raised?

As a child- My own parents both came from poor backgrounds, one of my parents unfortunately grew up in an alcoholic home with deaths of family members at young ages and has suffered tremendously, I am very fortunate that I have had a good upbringing and although we were never wealthy, my parents owned their own home, I felt incredibly loved and we had an annual european holiday. I never had expensive clothes/toys (charity shop purchases) but actually this never mattered i was happy.

When my parents were the age I currently am (early 30s) they were able to purchase a 3 bed semi, in a nice town outside a big city centre on 1 average salary. Myself and my DP both earn well (much greater than the income of my father) yet we are having to make a lot more sacrifices to save for a house deposit than what my parents ever have done- we have a fantastic life but I feel pressure to be able to withhold a career, save for a house, wedding and have children before fertility decreases. We do not have the same free cash to be able to travel the same (although on the other side of the coin, travel is more accessible than it ever was in the 1980s). I could argue though that my mother was a house wife and didn't get the same opportunities I did to be able to study and have my own career- and my job does provide me with stability and I find it rewarding.

Bit of a ramble but interested to hear your answers =)

No agenda, tues night discussion to distracted me from the news!

Before or during covid?

Before, I would say much the same. Comfortable house, foreign holidays, theatre, able to buy what books and clothes I want. Free to move anywhere in Europe.

Now, my career is being sacrificed to homeschool my son, and I haven’t been anywhere fun since February. And Brexit means I have far fewer choices on where to live.

My parents were both doctors, they worked very very hard and bought very very smart, retired at 50 and ended up with a lot of money and a beautiful, huge farmhouse in the countryside.

DP and i work a lot less hard and make a lot less money, but benefit from my parents' generosity - we had help with our house deposit and are currently living with them while we have our kitchen extension done, which they are also helping us pay for.

In a nutshell, our lifestyle is a little more frugal than my parents, and a lot less frugal than DH's parents.

I think mine is harder. They are happily married, own their home, had good jobs, holidays etcc

Where as I married a cheater, am getting divorced, single mum to 3, council house, working full time but can't afford holidays etc

My mother's parents had a large farm, land and an associated thriving business and a house on the Pimlico/Belgravia borders. Mother inherited most of it and has spent most of it.

I got a modest leg up at 21 largely because my parents were wholly dysfunctional. I managed to buy a flat, in London, at 21 with that help but had to give up a lot of freedom and work like stink to do it and to make a successful career.

DH's parents sound similar to yours. Bought a three bed semi in 1960 and were very privileged compared to the majority. But were both born v poor and couldn't leave behind scrimping and saving and congenital meanness that it sucked the joy.

DH needed a leg up in his late 20s before he started earning high fees. Fast forward and we could buy out my mothers' lifestyle hands down due to DH's graft rather than my privilege.

The DC are 26 and 22. DH's success makes them trustafarians. Let's hope they don't go the way of mother. One may I suspect.

My parents married young, bought a house in their 30s and only my DF worked. He worked very hard and provided but because my DM refused to work and spent so much we rarely had holidays or even fairly ordinary things. They divorced when I was an adult.

I've always been a single parent and first bought when I was 37. I inherited my work ethic from my DF.

Much better but then I'm mid 50s. Both DH and I were brought up in poverty, I wish my DM had been able to do what I can, buying whatever I want in the supermarket.

My DC have never gone hungry, been cold in bed or gone without any of the things that would have been luxuries to DH and I growing up.

I had more education opportunities. My parents both do/ did what are now degree level jobs eventually but didn't go to uni. Where as it was a lot easier for people from working class backgrounds to go to uni.

On the other hand they definitely saw uni as a way to get a job rather than being about education. When I did my masters it was entirely self funded. They just didn't get it. So more education opportunities but not the same support as somone who is from a middle class background.

Getting a job and keeping a job is way harder. They both had jobs for life type employment. They really don't understand the constant pressure of applying for temp contracts all the time. On the other hand I am socially in a much more free position to work in a precarious sector because I've chosen not to have children. I work in the cultural sector which my parents definitely think are not for the likes of them. I think as they came from quite working class mining communities what you could be and do are quite limited. I've had less of this, but still felt lots of imposter syndrome!

I think the biggest difference is in buying a house and pensions. They lived in very cheap social housing after they were married and bought a house easily when in early 20s. They have made lots of money from property, both their own and investment. Benefitting from the massive property booms. They now live in a house worth 650k and have more cash from a property sale last year.

I do sound jealous of this, I am. They haven't worked particularly harder than us it's just a generational difference. There are loads of their generation ( now in their 60s) who have benefitted from massive increases in property prices. I'd just like it if they could acknowledge that rather thank thinking they pulled themselves up and worked harder.

I’d say similar, they moved house because the rates were killing them, but moved to a good sized 3 bed semi and were able to pay off the mortgage, although dad retired on virtually half what I earn, despite working from 17 in the same industry. They probably couldn’t afford my area, housing is approximately double what it sells for in their area.

Similar-ish. At our ages they had 2 DC and both worked FT in professional roles with middling salaries and good pensions, as do we. They owned a lovely house and afforded some (limited) years of private school for me and sibling. Our salaries are a little higher, while our house is less good (though they helped with deposit, or we prob wouldn’t have one at all) and private school is def not on the cards - because those are two things that have grown in cost way faster than incomes. OTOH we had much better pre-kids travel opportunities, and eat out much more, as that is cheaper nowadays. We also have better maternity leave. I’ve never been asked if I had my husband’s permission to open a bank account. And as a professional woman with kids I’m in the majority in my organisation, not a tiny minority like my mum was!

My dad worked very hard during his career and retired before I was born (he was 56 then). My mum married him when she was early 30s and had me and my brother in late 30s.

They hired au pairs when we were kids and lived in a lovely big house near London. Both my brother and I went to private schools until we were 16.

I am pregnant with my first child and own a nice house in Cheshire with my husband, but definitely can’t afford the luxuries my parents could!

We're better off.

My dad worked but mum never did after having kids and money was tight. Dh and I both work and I earn more than him. We have no mortgage to dh having compensation for an accident that left him an amputee which bought our house outright.
We have a uk and an abroad holiday each year that we save hard for and look for good deals. I went on one foreign holiday as a child.
We eat out for birthdays and have takeaways on payday but never had that as a kid.

I don't have to make my kid's clothes, and after growing up embarrassed often by my clothes or shoes, they have far too many things to compensate!

We've had fewer kids! So they have a bedroom each.

I had the chance to go to uni and got the first degree in the family, DD is now at uni but will have a load of debt I didn't accrue (grants instead back then!).

Financially there's probably not much difference but my family have certainly been a lot more harmonious than the one I grew up in. The family I grew up in kept up appearances but were very dysfunctional and it was a nightmare. It's made a huge difference to quality of life that the family I've made for myself get on well

My parents lived very differently to me. They met on holiday and spent their life together prioritising holidays, which made for an exciting and well-travelled childhood. They were financially hit in the recession of the 90s though, and made some terrible decisions with money. So it always felt like boom or bust. They were very fiery and dramatic and I grew up very stressed.

We rarely travel as a household, we are cautious and save our money. We love being at home together and (to be honest) don't go seeking excitement like my parents seemed to. Plus whereas I was a very meek, only child... my 2 kids seem to be more demanding in terms of where we go and how much entertainment they need on a holiday. They're having a very different, more settled and calmer upbringing.

My life was better in terms of money, holidays abroad before covid.
But not in terms of child free time. I feel my mum had it easier as we all played out she didn't need to be heavily involved.
We have an only child and it's definitely more involved.
Mum also had alot of sisters etc to share the load. I have nobody except partner who isn't great with young people, so it's heavy for me.
Also my mum was more maternal and young at heart so enjoyed it. I'm an old minded sort and find it difficult.

Neither of my parents went to uni. My mother is very clever and ambitious but made terrible relationship decisions and everything was quite unsettled until I was about 10. My father and his wife are shocking with their finances and have saved nothing as far as I know.

I have a great CV and made quite a lot of money, but now I'm divorcing my abusive ex and my entire future is up in the air!

All that aside, from a purely material standpoint, London is insanely expensive compared to where I grew up. They were and are more materially comfortable without a doubt

Plus "I think the biggest difference is in buying a house and pensions."

Absolutely this. The prices of renting and buying relative to salaries is immense and impacts greatly on quality of life.

Also, the pensions they had are unimaginable now.

They haven't worked particularly harder than us it's just a generational difference. There are loads of their generation ( now in their 60s) who have benefitted from massive increases in property prices. I'd just like it if they could acknowledge that rather thank thinking they pulled themselves up and worked harder
I agree with this but even so I'm youthful and healthy where as they are getting old and frail so I'd rather be me😁

My early baby boomer parents’ childhoods weren’t as good as mine on those kind of measures eg had to room share with siblings, no central heating/ double glazing, lack of material things, lack of foreign holidays etc.

But my parents’ adulthood was so much better than mine- cheap desirable suburban housing with excess space, big garden, 2 cars, no debts, holidays, shorter working hours, shorter commute, free childcare.

What annoys me even more is that they are in total denial about this!

I’d have much rather raised D.C. in the 80s/90s to now.

Our lifestyles at the same life stage are about the same. Except my DH and I have needed to be millionaires to provide that lifestyle for our family. In comparison my parents only had very ordinary jobs and medium salaries to provide it for theirs. Mum worked, but not much. Dad was home from his job at 5pm in the dot...

My parents married young and had kids young. My mum had her last child by 30 (4th baby). I had my first at 29, second at 30 and am currently expecting a third at 34. I went to college, and a red brick uni and have a good job. I work part time whereas dh works full time. We earn enough that unexpected costs are not an issue and we have our own home (mortgaged). We have a lovely four bedroom detached house out in the sticks with a decent sized garden, I would love to be more central but we cannot afford to get anything similar to what we have now and would end up in a small flat with zero garden space (not appealing). We tend to go on holidays in the uk as kids are very young but go away most bank holidays for a weekend break. I have savings, dh does not. I prioritise having a massage and facial once a month and we have extras like Netflix and a basic sky package which my parents would have not been able to afford.

My parents bought their own home on dad's wages alone, a 3 bed semi a 20 minute drive from the city centre, close to a train line. It has a huge garden and was extended about ten years ago and now has four double bedrooms with a huge kitchen to boot. They bought the house when dad was 35 and it was paid off by time he was 55. We will not be mortgage free for a long time but I have started to overpay. They have had one joint holiday abroad whilst married and my dad has been back to the country of his birth three maybe four times. They didn't have uk breaks either, holidays were spent either with grandparents or daytrips. Unexpected expenses had to be budgeted for as were birthdays, special celebrations. We always had food on the table and everything we needed but maybe not wanted? I don't remember asking for much though compared to a lot of kids nowadays.

We also eat out more as a family or did pre covid. We never went to restaurants as kids with the whole family as it would have wiped out a lot of dads wages.

I would say on the whole we make enough money to spend on ourselves as well as providing for the kids, my parents are just getting the chance to do that now.

My inlaws had a different experience to my parents and had two kids. They bought and sold lots of flats and had lots of business ventures. Sadly they lost a lot of money and their flat is still mortgaged. They were able to provide dh with what he wanted and needed and budgeting was not an issue. I think this contributes to dh'd laz attitude to money, I often tell him that he has delusions of grandeur and that there will not be any range rovers in our future!

My quality of life is different from my parents, who came over to the UK 50 years ago.

My parents married young and worked very hard in 'blue-collar' jobs until they both retired at 55. They were able to do this by spending every spare pound they had on clearing the mortgage, which they did in 8 years (mortgage term was 25 years). But as a result of this, myself and my brothers didn't have the fancy brands etc that my peers had and only went abroad once (a family treat after the mortgage was paid off). We were seen as poor but I realised when I went to university that my parents were just resourceful and I fully understood why they did what they did (my older siblings unfortunately have chips on their shoulders about our parents).

I went to university (undergraduate and postgraduate), met my husband there. We held off marriage and kids in order to establish our careers and get on the property ladder. Husband and I are in professional roles; I'm the higher earner whereas my mum was a SAHM for 16 years before getting a part-time job (although she did occasionally piecemeal sewing work when at home). By the time I got married at 30 my mum already had 3 kids. I had my kids in mid-to-late 30s, which did initially concern my mum.

We have more disposable income then my parents did and we have a better balance between family life, work and leisure (holidays, treats for kids etc). That said, we'll probably not retire before 65 (husband's hoping we'll retire by 60) and I don't know if we'll have a similar income when we do retire.

Dad keeps telling me to make overpayments on mortgage rather than having savings but the industries we work in are precarious so one or both of us could lose our job. It's taken a while to get my parents to understand that there's no such thing as a job for life these days.

It's a very mixed picture.

My parents had a nice house in the suburbs, went on lots of foreign holidays, to the theatre, opera etc. My df worked in a job with a culture of business account lunches and a company car. My df retired/redundant at my age (52) and my dm kept working for some years.

However, my df left school at 15 and my dm at 18. Both would have loved to have gone to university but didn't see it as an option for them.

My Dh and I both went to university. My Dh is self employed and has always saved money, especially early in his career when he had a good earning potential. We are much more financially secure than my parents at this age. However, my df has chronic illness which stops us from travelling easily and restricts diet and lifestyle.

My parents are still living independently in their mid 80s despite some illness.

*my dh has chronic illness

Seriously you are asking this question now?

It's totally shit compared to theirs at this moment in time.

Normally without being in the middle of a pandemic it's much better.

I know some young people who complain that they have it so hard and their parents had it so easy.

“ My parents owned their own house in their late 20s but it’s so hard for me now, I’m still sharing a flat with my mates “.

They forget that their parents both left school at 16 and went straight into work. They got married at 20 and still lived with their parents while saving hard for a deposit on a small flat in a provincial town.

They didn’t have a car, designer clothes, foreign holidays or nights out clubbing. They went to the cinema or the pub for a couple of drinks.

So by 26 they had been working for 20 years between them and had saved hard for a lot of that time.

When they moved into their first home it was furnished with second hand items, hand me downs and gifts. They had to save for new items or get them on tick.

Their complaining son took a gap year to go travelling, then did a “fun” course at university ( funded by his parents of course ). Lived with friends in London ( most expensive place in the country ) looking for fun part time jobs in his fun career and playing in a band with his mates, spending all his spare cash on socialising and holidays.

He thinks it’s incredibly unfair that he doesn’t magically have a deposit for a flat in London now he’s in his late 20s. He obviously thinks he should get it as a reward from the universe for staying alive for 28 years.