Loneliness , young adult, posting here for traffic, tried mental health.

[Listener2021]

I have name changed because members of my family also use this site.

Please, does anyone have any advice. I have just been talking to DS(28) at present living in a large city 60 miles away, working 3 days a week, 13 hour days, covid testing. (His grad level job vanished in March last year before he could even begin.)
He is living in a shared house with 2 others, they are ok but not friends and keep themselves to themselves.
He is so lonely. His friendship circle seems to have vanished to 2 or 3 people. As he says, they don't really need him. They are in couples, or living with family.
He is desperately lonely. He has self harmed before and is talking of it again. He doesn't know where to turn for company. And he is all skyped out.
He would do voluntary work if he could, he did a lot in the summer with the local wildlife trust, but of course, that's gone now.
He says he is pointless.

He is so down, I don't know what to do to help him. He's had some therapy, he's talked to Samaritans. He needs people his own age.

Can anyone offer any advice?

Thank you.

It's impossible to avoid zoom/skype for human contact during lockdown.

1. has he seen his GP or anyone else for mental health support?
2. is he able to get out of the house daily for fresh air and exercise?
3. is he a member of any local mutual aid groups /community action groups? He would make local contacts, be able to help others in need which might give him a sense of satisfaction and stave off some of his own loneliness. Even collecting /dropping off groceries or having a chat from the end of the drive with people hwo are shielding, for 5 minutes, could help.
4. any hobbies or interests? Facebook groups I'm in for outdoor activities have continued to be v chatty. I'm sure there's similar for cookery, crafting, gaming, Diy, fitness etc. You can still meet up with another person to run, cycle or walk.

It must be hard for you to see him unhappy from so far away.

He’s not alone. He’s struggling in his way but we all are to some extent. It will get better, things will open, job opportunities will come again and he will find his people. Just hang on in there.

How awful, first of all my understanding is you can travel for such circumstances as preventing him harming himself. If he’s working 3 days a week, would he benefit from coming home for a few days, just to have some company and home comforts? I don’t know if his job would make this unsafe.

Alternatively, can he look at moving to another house share, maybe one whee they are looking for someone more sociable?

It is such difficult circumstances at present and sounds as if he is between a rock and a hard place.

Can he just come home and pack it in for a few months? It's not a career that will suffer from leaving it for a few months. It might be harder to be home but it might also be easier, depends on his personality. I'd want him home and then me and him getting a good routine going just to get through the next few months.

So sorry to hear this op. I think he should get an appointment with a gp asap to get some help. I understand that NHS are looking for volunteers for the vaccine roll out, perhaps he can volunteer for that ?

Echoing a PP to say get involved with NHS volunteers.

There are lots of networks out there beyond samaritans
CALM is one I'm thinking of that I think is aimed at men.
He is not alone and he will get through this.

Thank you.

Community action groups are worth suggesting, thank you.
His hobbies are mostly music (he plays guitar) and wildlife. He has done a lot of voluntary work with eg badger vaccination teams etc.

Because he is covid testing he doesn't want to risk coming home between shifts (even if it's allowed, but not sure about that) because of bringing back infection.

He says he dreads coming back to his childhood bedroom at his age. He had a difficult young adult life with us, and so did we with him. He was very angry about some things, and is still, and we were strict about eg cannabis use, which we hated and fought. He's stopped using it now. I hope he doesn't start again.

When this all began he signed up to volunteer with the NHS- nothing came of it. He worked in a Nightingale that took step down patients, worked for a hospital cleaning agency. He is working for an agency now. They are not very caring employers- they are frozen in carparks all day at the moment, with an unheated porta-Kabin place. It all sounds miserable.

Has he had a look on the 'nextdoor' app? I know there are several people in my local area who are open to chatting , meeting (under usual guidelines) doing shopping, checking on people etc. It might be worth signing up on and checking.