How to I protect my daughter from pain

[GRMA]

2 Years ago my daughter’s boyfriend (we will call (A) left her 3 months after their 2nd child was born, they had been together 4 years, it left her heartbroken and raising 2 boys aged 18months and 3 months, they were in the process of buying a house together which the agreed to complete and she moved into it with the boys, (A) moved into a new house with a new girlfriend within 6 months again breaking my daughters heart again.
Over the last 2 years they have continued to stay friends and shared the parenting, I cannot take that away from (A) he is the perfect daddy and the boys adore him, my daughter over the last year has started to come out of shell she has set up her own business and even went on a few dates.
My OH and I have fully supported her throughout both financially and emotionally, I have spoken to (A) many times and although part of me does not trust him anymore, part of me can see how she looks when she talks about him, My OH on the other hand hates him with a passion and has not spoken to him at all and rants and raves every time he comes to the house to pick the boys up and it takes me hours to calm him down after, he keeps saying he has burnt his bridges with him
This is my dilemma, When the 3rd lockdown was announced last night I texted my daughter and asked her if it would affect (A) having his visiting days to be told (A) has split up with the girlfriend and they are talking about getting back together, but at this moment in time she is just thinking about it, can you imagine what my OH said OMG the air was blue.
I dearly want to support her and let her decide her future, but it will be so awkward on get togethers if (A) is there also. OH is not the one to confront and talk to (A) as he feels its not of his business but that doesn’t stop him ranting,

What is your feelings??

My feelings aren’t what matter here.
Nor are your OH’s. Ultimately your DD will make her own decision, and you have to continue as you have been: listen, support and be there. Nothing else will make a difference here.

She will do what she wants to do. On paper it doesn’t look good but you can’t stop it I’m afraid. Just be there for her and help her see the pros and cons but let her work it out for herself ultimately

She's an adult, and while you can listen and give your POV, ultimately it's her decision, regardless of whether you or your DH think it's a good one.

And the end of your post suggests that you are less appalled by the prospect of your DD getting back together with her ex than about how awkward it will be at 'get-togethers' if her ex is there, which is completely irrelevant and suggests an odd sense of priorities. If your DH can keep his temper around A, or acknowledges that it's none of his business, then he needs to be able to keep him temper around you. Stop taking hours to calm him down. Tell him he's making the situation worse for you, and that he should go for a run or get a punchbag or something.

Thank you, she is my world and I know she has to make the decision herself I just don't want her to be hurt again, but I see all your points.
@TeaEgg At any "get togethers" I just don't want it being awkward for her sake, but I get your point, I need to learn to walk away when DH starts ranting that way he may shut up quicker lol :)

Husband may have to accept him back into the family and it’s quite possible that son in law will make amends and be a faithful, good and loving partner to your daughter once more.

How old is she? I am assuming she’s an adult?

Your husband has to learn to respect her wishes and behave in front of him. You need to accept your daughter will make her own choices. Even if they are bad ones.

@Bluntness100 daughter is 34, yes a grown adult and yes I accept she will make her own choices, we all learn by making mistakes hopefully it will be as @Soutiner says he will be a good loving partner once more.

You can be 34 and still make bad decisions. Carrie Symonds for example.

34!!! Bloody hell I thought she was a teenager the way you talk about letting her decide her future!

@Howmanysleepsnow

My feelings aren’t what matter here. Nor are your OH’s. Ultimately your DD will make her own decision, and you have to continue as you have been: listen, support and be there. Nothing else will make a difference here.

Can't say it better than this.

In the nicest possible way, could you be too involved?

She is your world, you say, but maybe it is time to back off and let her make her own decisions?

Obviously, you can still be there for her

FWIW your OH instincts are spot on