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Original poster

If you had newborn who wouldn’t be put down, when did it improve?

22 replies

Dramacoats · 05/01/2021 11:02

Baby is 4 weeks old. He eats and sleeps really well but will only sleep when being held. As soon as he is put down he grizzles and then screams. I’ve tried Moses basket, cot, bouncer, play mat etc and it’s the same. He will sleep in the Pram if we are walking but wakes as soon as we stop. If your baby was the same did it suddenly get better? I’m looking for reassurance that it won’t be like this forever. I’ve ordered a sling so at least might be able to use my hands again

OP posts:
Yecartmannew · 05/01/2021 11:16

When she started crawling. I think she suddenly had more important things to do with her new mobile life than spend it attached to the boob 🤣

BiddyPop · 05/01/2021 11:27

DD was similar, spent a lot of time in the sling, I did a lot of walking, and a lot of just sitting pinned down by baby.

She was DX'ed with reflux at her 6 week check - and making the effort to keep her well burped and then keep her upright for at least 30 minutes after each feed really really helped. (We also used infant Gaviscon a bit, but it was hard as I was bf'ing). So I used to keep jobs like making the bed until after the 2nd feed of the morning - when I propped her up between the pillows and we'd play games with sheets going over her head etc, so I got the job done and wasted lots of the time needed to keep her up without me having to hold her up.

And she did sleep better once she'd had that 30 minutes upright (as some milk was digested out of her stomach, so there wasn't as much pressure on the faulty muscle (which wasn't able to properly stop food getting back up into the oesophagus from the top of the stomach - and once it was in the stomach, it had mixed with stomach acid so tended to burn as it went back up) nor as much milk filling up the entire stomach to spill out of the top of her stomach back into her oesophagus (pipe that takes food from mouth to stomach).

Also, once she got good control of her head, she could sit in her highchair (we got one that could lean back a lot, and also had a removable tray) so that also helped reduce pressure on me to always hold her.

Mogwaimug · 05/01/2021 11:32

Honestly, when I went back to work full-time when he was six months old.

Mine had reflux and hated being laid flat. He would only sleep for 30-45 minutes at a time but longer if held. I held him for naps, let my house and life go to shit for a while and generally accepted I never got a break until DH got home. He slept through from 11 weeks though which was a saving grace.

His reflux did improve when we weaned him. Thank god.

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WankPuffins · 05/01/2021 11:41

When they started crawling. But then they would still only nap on me.

My four months old is looking to be the same way as the other two.

They have all had reflux though as PP dc. So they napped upright on my shooulder.

Original poster
Dramacoats · 05/01/2021 11:47

That’s really interesting about reflux. What were the signs other than not being happy laid flat? I’m not sure if that is our problem as he rarely brings his milk back up although he does suffer with wind and I do have to burp him well.

OP posts:
canihaveacoffeeplease · 05/01/2021 12:10

I'm holding my 5.5 month old who won't sleep alone right now as she sleeps....

LemonSquirtInTheEyeOfLife · 05/01/2021 12:19

While awake, as soon as she started crawling, about 5 months I think. We joke that there's a big gap in the photos until about 2 years old, because she learned to crawl, then walk (& run) then whoosh we couldn't get any of her, just a blur as she ran away.

Night & nap time was a lot harder. Still needed us until she was about 4. Thankfully, once she was properly asleep for the night, that was it. She started (intermittently) sleeping through at about 4 months, & most nights by 2 years. Wouldn't self settle though. It's not that surprising really, DH & I are both insomniacs.

RobynNora · 05/01/2021 12:21

Hang in there! I have an 11 week old who has just woken up from a nap in his crib! I napped in my bed at the same time - bliss! He wouldn’t have done this a month ago so, for me, things definitely became better!

A sleepyhead in the crib was a game changer for us. Plus swaddling and loud white noise for sleeping. And a bouncer for awake time. His preference is still to be held by us constantly like most newborns but I now put him down periodically. Good luck :)

spiderlight · 05/01/2021 12:24

Six weeks was a big turning point for us, partly because I realised that a big part of the issue was that he was cold. We also discovered at about that point that he would sleep in a pre-warmed Moses basket if we had the hoover running right next to it, so we did that for every nap for several weeks and then gradually transitioned him onto Jean-Michel Jarre and Gregorian chanting, both of which he'd sleep to as long as we started off with the hoover and moved it gradually away while turning up the music over about a ten-minute period. It's amazing the things you discover through sheer desperation!

Newdonewhugh · 05/01/2021 12:27

After I went to osteopath at about two months. Who actually said there was nothing wrong with baby but that I seemed very stressed. We came home and from that day. Voila! He would go down on his back for a few minutes!?

Sheleg · 05/01/2021 13:55

Mine will only sleep on me, at 17 weeks. I've just given up trying to settle her elsewhere. I see myself as a sort of mother ape, with my young hanging off me at all times, like in nature programmes Grin

Original poster
Dramacoats · 05/01/2021 16:51

Ah yes I definitely feel like a mother ape too Grin. I’d hoped you’d all say it got better by 6 weeks but looks like I need to settle in for the long haul. I actually have two older children who could be put down so this is all new to me and so much harder because they need attention too.

OP posts:
hotchocdrinker · 05/01/2021 17:20

My daughter spent the grand total of one hour in her lovely crib... she liked sleeping on me but I did managed to get her into a proper cot at 8 weeks. There is hope!!

GlowingOrb · 05/01/2021 17:27

Once she could scoot around on her own, she didn’t have to be held constantly unless she was sleeping or needing to sleep.

Respectabitch · 05/01/2021 17:31

When he could crawl at about 6-7 months, basically. I'd got him in a Moses basket for evening sleeps by 4 months, but he still preferred to be carried and snuggled until he was independently mobile. He was a big time sling baby who basically lived in there and is still very snuggly and a bit clingy now aged 6.

I suspect he may have had some silent reflux but it's hard to know. He definitely much preferred being upright in arms to being flat. He would tolerate lying down if it was snuggled against my side in bed; otherwise, nope.

PivotPivotPivottt · 05/01/2021 17:31

I can't remember exactly but after an extremely hard newborn stage where I couldn't put her down my daughter was self settling and sleeping 12+ hours from 12 weeks. She was a great baby and the clingy, not wanting put down stage didn't last long at all i won't mention her toddler years

SparkyBlue · 05/01/2021 19:38

Being brutally honest she only improved after she started walking at 18 months .

TeaEgg · 05/01/2021 19:42

@spiderlight

Six weeks was a big turning point for us, partly because I realised that a big part of the issue was that he was cold. We also discovered at about that point that he would sleep in a pre-warmed Moses basket if we had the hoover running right next to it, so we did that for every nap for several weeks and then gradually transitioned him onto Jean-Michel Jarre and Gregorian chanting, both of which he'd sleep to as long as we started off with the hoover and moved it gradually away while turning up the music over about a ten-minute period. It's amazing the things you discover through sheer desperation!
I like how wonderfully niche his musical tastes were! Now imagining you sitting beside the Moses basket experimenting with a bit of Palestrina or Byrd and the baby starting to grumble and you zipping back to the chants. .. Grin
TokenGinger · 05/01/2021 19:47

DS was like this and it was so hard. I really struggled. A sling did help so I could at least make a sandwich. He wouldn't even go in his pram for a walk. When we switched to the pushchair, tilted upwards, he was much better. We found a lot of it was down to reflux. Lying down was uncomfortable for him.

He got much better when he was around 4 months and we got a jumperoo (he was very strong on his legs, had incredible head control and sitting unaided). He was so happy in that, it kept him entertained. It literally changed my life. It was the best purchase we made.

I feel for you, OP. It was such a tough time. Xx

User0ne · 05/01/2021 19:52

How many 12 year.olds do you see who constantly need to be held? 8 year olds? 3 year olds?

It's totally normal baby behaviour. Even after it improves initially it will come back in fits and bursts only to peter our again. Your stamina for it will improve

Chicchicchicchiclana · 05/01/2021 19:57

I think improved after 6 weeks (ie. would sit in bouncy chair for half an hour or so when awake), better by 3 months when we had some sort of routine going, a lot better by 6 months.

The newborn stage is terribly hard! I've seen people say they love it but can only assume they enjoy being trapped on the sofa or bed 24/7.

Irre247 · 05/01/2021 20:03

I was going to say “when I got a sling” Wink

It does get better, it’s just hard not having your hands when chaos grows around you!

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