How many friends do you have?

[FatherChristmad]

Just watching something trivial on iPlayer and one character asked another how many friends did they have.

Got me thinking, I don't think I have any. I've got colleagues and passing acquaintances but not friends, no one outside of family I could count on

Even if I look at my many friends on Facebook, none of them are real actual friends. They are family, past and present work colleagues, a few old school friends who I wasn't that close to, the odd neighbour, spouses of the above and the rest are people I've met online over many years some of which I've met in real life but most I've never will.

I'm not hugely social so I suppose it's not a real shock. Is this abnormal?

1. Three close.

I am 50 now and have about 6-7 really close friends, a similar number of good friends and a wider circle of other friends who I have met at various stages of my life from school and university through to the present day via my children's schools and work. I was orphaned in my very early twenties and have no siblings so I have always really valued my friendships and worked hard at them.

Best friends I could tell anything to - 3
Great friends in contact with regularly - 8

1 best friend who I can call anytime, we see each other/speak several times a week
3 close friends, 2 of whom live in another country- I would call them in a crisis and we're in contact at least once a month
5 or 6 friends through work/DC's school. We go weeks or months without seeing each other if there's no 'reason' i.e. work or school/DC activities

Not including family;
Best/v close friends, can rely on for anything, anytime; 5, 4 from school and stayed so close, and 1 from my previous workplace
Friends, people I spend social time with but maybe wouldn’t tell absolutely everything; probably 10, 12?
Friendly acquaintances, would have a pint with but not call for a chat; bloody loads. Combination of working in agriculture and being a former young farmer. That shit sets you up.

These threads seem to come up fairly regularly on here so you are certainly not alone.
I always find them reassuring because I find others like me, and depressing because I find others like me 🙄

One partner, a handful of acquaintances, nobody I would consider close enough to describe as a 'friend'.

'Friends' simply offer nothing I either want or need. I find other people fickle, overly demanding, and generally more of an annoyance than a pleasure, so I deliberately avoid 'friend' relationships by design.

I have a lot of friends and a few close friends. Quite a few best friends including dh and exdh. My adult dss and their friends like to hang out with me. But I'm very sociable. Plus I like to help people.

I've always made a point of contacting friends even if I haven't heard from them in a while. Not in a pushy way just to check up. It's amazing how many people get so down they don't bother with anyone. Even worse now. So please check on others you just never know what's going on. A simple text or message can make such a difference just to know they're being thought of.

@XDownwiththissortofthingX

One partner, a handful of acquaintances, nobody I would consider close enough to describe as a 'friend'.

'Friends' simply offer nothing I either want or need. I find other people fickle, overly demanding, and generally more of an annoyance than a pleasure, so I deliberately avoid 'friend' relationships by design.

I bet you like animals though?

1 person that I regard as a true friend. Another I recently met on the school run who is a newish friend but don't know her too well yet.

I prefer my own company and close to my family so don't need or want much more than that tbh.

At least 10 close friends. People I can rely on in a crisis, would confide in, but I work really hard at friendships, I have small family, no sisters or cousins.

Close friends, I would say 4

Mates, I would say a fair few, but these are mainly around a hobby. If I didn't do the hobby I'd still go for the meals out, but they tend to be once or twice a year

My sister.
3 best friends who are like sisters.
Several more close friends.
Lots of colleagues & cousins etc who are mates.

Not many. I have a tendancy to move places and also get hurt easily with bitchy and gossipy behaviour. So I am happier the way I am. One example is a friend who bragged constantly without realising and made me feel inadequate. A connected friend mother died and she moaned about having to run out and do a small job to support her. So I felt then she would moan if I ever needed her. Its hard to explain so I have become a bit self reliant. Which isn't good either.

Best friends - none.
Close friends - 4
Good friends - 10
Friends - 20
Acquaintances - loads

I don't have transient friends, like so many seem to have.

None and it suits me fine. I enjoy my own company and apart from the children and my husband I enjoy time with my cats.

None

About ten good friends that I could depend on in a crisis. Maybe another 15 who aren't as close but who I would consider friends rather than people I am friendly with.

I believe people tend to have lots of friends if they, and their friends, have stayed in one place - no college or moving for jobs. Friends are lovely but you gain from moving and experiencing new things too. I have friends but lots of them are people I probably wouldn’t meet, let alone befriend, if I was moving here as an adult. They are people I picked up through my years and through different experiences. Whilst it’s nice to have these people in my life it can be difficult to be seen as who I am now. They still see me as the teenager I was when they met me and that can be stifling. I find these friendships are due to our shared history, more like a family relationship, than friendship.

I think my point is that the reason you don’t have friends is likely to be circumstance rather than a personal issue.

1 best friend, known each other since we were 16. Lives 45mins away.

DH. Also known each other since we were 16.

Two or three other Mums at DD's school who I chat to if we're there at the same time. Probably not "friends" but I could rely on them in a childcare emergency or similar.

A couple of people online who I've known for years, met in real life, etc. They don't live near enough to see each other regularly.

I think my point is that the reason you don’t have friends is likely to be circumstance rather than a personal issue.

I think there's something in that. I certainly know people who have stayed in one place and are still part of the same group from school. One or two had life changing shit happen to them (divorce; serious illness) and that changed the dynamic with some in the group.

It also depends on effort though, and on luck. I've moved around a fair bit but make a real effort for my 4 closest friends. I try and check up on other friends and acquaintances as well but that lapses sometimes.

to everyone who misses friends in their lives. It's true that some people are just takers and not worth the continued effort.

hi yeah , i sepreated from my kids dad who i was with fromwhen i was 17 to 34 - since moving made a few companions but none of them stuck - and since losing my job after spinal surgery a few years ago ive been really isolated - tried social media to connect with people but not really anything that sticks when people have pre formed friendship groups

its been great raching out and even just reading the threads on lockdown that other mums feel the same - and feeling it a bit right now

all my aqauintnces from my time with my ex are his pals so its been a lonely ride but i suppose you trade one thing for another x

thanks for the feedback everyone

feeling a little less in lockdown alone