Rubbish at making female friends always - met a girl on a friendship app, how often to contact?

[Truly2435]

I seem to very easily befriend guys but struggle with women (girls at school and now women). I made the effort to join a friendship app and had a few matches. I initiated hello to a few of them. A lot will respond for a few messages and then go quiet. One girl responded enthusiastically to general small talk about background, hobbies etc and she asked me my WhatsApp - we texted on WhatsApp and I suggested we could meet up after lockdown to which she seems to enthusiastically agree to. Since, it’s been just how’s your day going type one or two messages for the day after we spoke. I said I was feeling a bit blue about starting work again and she said ‘me too!’ But nothing else so I didn’t want to force further convo (as I already did once before and she enthusiastically responded but I didn’t always want to be the one doing it in case she responded out of politeness)

She said she signed up to the app as she moved to a new town near me and all her friends are based in the city she used to live in.

What now? No one knows when lockdown will end so can’t meet up any time soon. I don’t know if it’s fine to leave the convo dead for a few days in a female to female friendship context or it’s like dating and we gotta keep the momentum going?!

Sorry for such a silly question but friendships with women for some reason don’t come naturally to me so any advice from fellow women would be much appreciated.

Bump

Personally I would wait for a bit. I don't think you need daily contact. But then again others may disagree. I am quite hands off with messaging. Much prefer face to face. Maybe wait until you have something specific you want to chat about? Or could you suggest meeting up for a walk one on one. Would that be allowed within the restrictions where you are?

Oh dear... seems so artificial making frienda on an app. I'd rather make friends via common interests or situations - eg. Voluntary organisations, activities, facebook groups or courses. Could you do that instead? At least you'd have something to discuss as a starting point or something to do together?

It's so hard I think to meet and make friends in adulthood so good on you for being proactive. I think leave it a few days, or wait until you have a good talking point. Nothing is happening at the moment apart from returning to work so they are maybe preoccupied with that. Longer periods might stimulate more convo when you do speak?

I also generally find males easier to befriend than females. I do have some female friends but I feel like they don't understand me or I'm always last on the list to get invited to stuff, contacted etc. I'd love to make new friends.

A bit of a tangent - there was a fantastic thread a while back about 'meh' friends (which my friends make me feel like) wish I could find it, it brought me so much comfort.

What app was it? I could do with making some new friends.

I think anyone would prefer to meet in more 'natural' circumstances like a hobby etc but it's the same as online dating, is it not? Sometimes especially in this climate you have to take a different direction.

Could you meet for a walk?

@Justtickingboxes

Oh dear... seems so artificial making frienda on an app. I'd rather make friends via common interests or situations - eg. Voluntary organisations, activities, facebook groups or courses. Could you do that instead? At least you'd have something to discuss as a starting point or something to do together?

Um....did you miss the entire country being in lockdown?!

I'd try and get a flow going OP but I have never used a friendship app. I'm glad to hear they exist though. I might need to join.

I think you have to let her message you next; maybe you can have a zoom chat and a wine or something but let her come back to you

what makes you feel more relaxed about men?

@AcornAutumn the website next door is pretty good, everyone is really friendly though at the moment we can only meet for walks.

@Branleuse I'm swiftly going off male friendships! They seem to be too crass and I don't like it. Sorry that's a sweeping generalisation but I prefer female company. In a socially distanced sense.

OP just text or call her when you have something to say, friendship should develop naturally.

I just wondered what the difference was, if someone seems to befriend men easily, but not women. What do you do differently, as it seems that you do know how to make friends

I have never gone out with the aim to make friends with someone, so I think it is hard to say, but maybe once a week for contact? What interests do you have in common? Could you arrange to meet for a Zoom chat about your shared interest in the next week or so?

I’ve recently done this via the Bumble BFF app. Some do fizzle our but I’ve got 2 girls that I talk to via messaging most days. Just little chats about what we’ve been up to. We take it in turns to message first it seems so I guess if it’s always you messaging first, hang back a few days and then you’ll know if they are to be an actual friend or not. It should be a 2 way street.
Would recommend this way of making friends though. I don’t have many friends or opportunities to meet new people as wfh and obvs Covid. This has been a good alternative and is certainly less stressful than OLD. 😂

My best female friend I probably message every day or two and it's fairly even who messages who. I don't even think about it tbh. If I've got somethimg to say to her then I say it. My closest male friend maybe 3 or 4 times a year 😂

I am definitely going to look into these two sites. Mumsnet really can be a mine of information can't it!