daughter and veg!!!!

[antdec]

I'm at my wits end with my 10yr old daughter. She only really eats 'beige food', rarely eats fruit or veg unless its carrots. i've just cooked a roastie, beef with all the trimmings, cooked chicken for her as she doesn't like beef, accidently put some peas on her plate, she went mad when i said she needed to eat them, it was literaqlly 1 fork full! we had a stand off, she started crying and kept saying over and over that she doesn't like them, in th end i put them in her drink! childish i know but seriously, if i did this as a kid i'd have been grounded!
not sure what i'm asking for, just a rant i s'pose.
we are very alike and do clash, i know it probely seems silly and i'm over reacting but i don't feel like i'm 'the parent' at all. i've taken her phone of her and were both in different rooms sulking!!

So you know she doesn't like them, then tried to force her to eat them, then inexplicably put them in her drink?
What planet are you on?

What veg does she like? Carrots are nutritious, you can roast them or make a soup with them.

You put peas in her drink? Sorry, it sounds like you’re at your wits end and I do sympathise but you really do need to get a handle on the fact that you are the adult in this relationship and you should be modelling the behaviour you would expect from her. And I agree, it doesn’t sound like you’re being the parent here!
Go and talk to her, apologise for being petty and try and make peace.
Does she help with offering ideas of what she would like to eat? Has she always been faddy with food like this or has she generally eaten a balanced diet?

Please don't make food a battleground - it will stress you out and will potentially lead to all sorts of issues for her in the future. Food was a massive battleground between me and my mum when I was a similar age and, unsurprisingly, I've grown up to have a long history of eating disorders because my view of food is so caught up with the idea of control. Just leave her be - serve something she'll eat, don't stress about what she doesn't.

I agree about not having food battles. If you look at what she’s eaten over a week it’s probably fine. If you don’t harass she’s more likely to try.

Sounds like my daughter who is now 14 and just been diagnosed autistic - might be worth seeing why she won't eat veg rather than forcing them on her.

Have you tried roasting veg, rather than steaming them? Have you tried sweet potato wedges or roasted parsnips, they are both quite sweet.

I had the same problem with ds and fruit. After tea, we'd watch TV and I put bowls of sultanas or satsuma segments or raspberries on the coffee table and said nothing. . After a while DS helped himself.

Then apple chunks or blackberries. Got there in the end.

You put peas in her drink....?

How are you cooking them? I remember my parents would only ever boil the shit out of vegetables, no seasoning or anything apart from over cooked watery veg. I used to hate it. Until I was about 20 and realised how you could actually cook veg and then ate everything.

Another thought op. Cut the top off a couple of red or yellow peppers, strip out the seeds and pack the middle with sausage meat and a little parsley. Put the tops back on and put them in a dish with a tiny bit of oil, and then bake them in the oven for an hour.

Then encourage your dd to try pepper and meat together - sweet and juicy, and pretty effortless to make. I serve them with garlic bread which DS loves.

@ShirleyPhallus

You put peas in her drink....?

How are you cooking them? I remember my parents would only ever boil the shit out of vegetables, no seasoning or anything apart from over cooked watery veg. I used to hate it. Until I was about 20 and realised how you could actually cook veg and then ate everything.

Pretty much what I was going to say.

How you cook and prepare vegetables makes a huge amount of difference. It can change taste and texture and even appearance quite significantly. "Hiding" veg can also be easily done depending on the type of meals you'd usually make. Peas for example in the blender with a bit of mint makes a lovely pea puree that doesn't taste of peas. But if you've got a kid who likes slime or anything like that a drizzle of that over plain meat, or mashed potato or something they will eat can be one way of getting some extra nutrition in. Or even something basic like adding a drop of food colouring to mash can make things more exciting.

we had a stand off, she started crying and kept saying over and over that she doesn't like them, in th end i put them in her drink! childish i know but seriously, if i did this as a kid i'd have been grounded!

Come on, op... This is insane behaviour. You want her to act reasonably but then you put peas in her drink? You need to get a handle on your own behaviour before you expect your child to.

Let her ear carrots, try making fruit smoothies, just stop making this an all out war. This is not the hill you want to die on.

I overheard a specialist saying pick your battles one day. From then on I did and eating fruit and veg has gradually made it on her list of choices, very very very gradually but it's getting there peacefully.

14yo ds isn’t a fan of veg. He’ll eat raw carrots, cucumber, lettuce and occasionally mushrooms. He also doesn’t like gravy, so his roast dinners are dry, with raw carrots on the side and a dollop of ketchup! I genuinely can’t be bothered arguing over food, as forcing him to eat things isn’t going to make him like it.

I do grate veg into pasta sauces (onions, mushrooms and courgette grate really well), we get through an awful lot of carrots and cucumbers as accompaniments, and he will eat some fruit (apples, grapes, strawberries and tinned mandarins mainly), so I make jellies with fruit in, always have his favourite fruit in the fridge so it’s there if he wants it, and I also make smoothies regularly as he’ll happily drink them. He’d always choose beige food over fruit and veg, but his overall diet is ok when I look at the week as a whole.

Who calls a roast dinner a 'roastie'? If that a thing now?

Anyway; you chucked the peas into her drink? Jesus OP, what are you doing?

What sort of veg do you give her the option of eating? Have you tried soups (blended)? Those are an easy place to start and you can pack them with veg.

Have you tried things like roast butternut squash? What about beans? You can get tins of different beans and make smooth bean burgers. What about sweet potato falafel?

I'm not a massive fan of plain boiled veg. I will eat most steamed stuff but much prefer actual dishes made from vegetables with spices and textures etc.

Also, how do you approach it? If shouting at her and arguing with her and then resorting to childish antics like tonight are the norm then she is never going to behave like an adult over dinner because you dont.

Nobody ever wanted to drink peas, OP.

She likes beige food and carrots. So give her beige food and carrots , and build up what she will eat gradually. I'd give her a multivitamin supplement, but I wouldn't push it with the food. I wouldn't like to be forced to eat something I didn't like.

Will she eat soup? If you gave her that a couple of times a week it would get her some goodness without forcing her to eat veg.

There aren’t many adults who don’t eat vegetables so she will grow to like them or tolerate them in time but I understand you want her to have that nutrition now.

I really really should encourage mine to eat more veg but I just cannot face that battle with them.

I have vivid memories of my parents making me eat food from earlier or even the previous day etc and it was just such a fight.

pureed fruit can be turned into ice lollies,

Just an idea, but my DD (who is older now) always really liked raw veg. So raw carrots, peppers. mushrooms, sugar snap peas, baby corn - maybe let your DD try them raw and give her the option of raw rather than cooked veg? Maybe with some nice dips?

Just an idea. Otherwise, don’t sweat it too much, she’s young and the more you push the more she won’t want them. The last thing you want is her developing any food issues.

Likewise fruit - try making chocolate dipped strawberries maybe? Or smoothies?

I would get her cooking main courses in a really positive way (get her to choose between recipes that look fun) and take away all pressure and emotion .
My DD is 14 and slowly making progress still. We reached a stage where she was happy to have everything put on her plate but didn’t have to eat it - no pressure or stress went with it but just a clear explanation that was what I wanted.
She even ate a Brussels sprout yesterday and tends to try most things now and it’s taken years and years

I also make it easier by blending food in. DD loves curries for example so today I softened onion and aubergine together with spices and blended it . When she wouldn’t eat broccoli I could blend it and hide it in shepherds pie no problem etc. It just gave me peace of mind she had a wider range of foods that way

My two are like this. They eat carrots and broccoli, sometimes sweet corn - that's it! So everything I make now has something hidden in it, eg chicken cacciatore last night had the vegetables and tomatoes slow cooked and puréed before I added the chicken and cooked prosciutto. They had no idea and asked for it again! You have to be sneaky sometimes 😉