Teen girl and trans friends???

[AGirlHasNoShame]

I don’t post much but I’ve been here a long time, name changing along the way. I am massively sorry if I offend anyone with this post and I would love to know if my thoughts on this have any relevance. My husband has been working away for a couple of months and I’ve no one to discuss it with.

I have an only child, a daughter who’s 13. This is relevant as I’ve never parented a teen before, bloody uncharted territory!

Over the last year I’ve noticed she has mentioned several of her friends have ‘came out’ as gay or mostly bi and I’ve just shrugged it off as normal teen experimenting and curiosity. I’ve assured her that love means love and no one can help their sexuality. She was happy with this and her views when she spoke of these matters made me proud.

But over the last couple of months she has began mentioned an alarming amount of her female friends have no declared themselves trans or non binary. We have had discussions around why it might be important to realise that these children may or may not be trans in the future and that doesn’t matter but some of these friends might be confused/undiagnosed LDs/ following the crowd/ influenced by social media or dare I say it attention seeking. I’m not massively well versed on this subject and it’s all new to me and I’m struggling to basically say to her ‘Look there is nothing wrong with your friends if they ARE but they probably aren’t’ without sounding uninformed or phobic or unwoke or whatever I am. I am happy to be corrected or shown my errors if need be.

Is this a thing now? Where there seems to be a massively disproportionate number of girls in particular declaring this? How do I parent this properly so my daughter understands that she can be herself without having to ‘declare’ ANYTHING if she doesn’t want to? How do I know what’s safe online and what’s pushing agendas onto susceptible teens if in fact that’s what is happening? I am clueless!

I don’t have the answers but I’m glad mine aren’t teens in this day and age!

It is a thing. My daughter is the same age. One of her friends is bi, one is gay, one is trans. We talk about it as and when it's brought up and she's very accepting as am I and our house is a safe space for her and her friends as some of their parents aren't as accepting.

I think being honest with your dd is the way forward. Teach her everything you know about trans ideology and why it is harmful. Explain how social media promotes this, with kids attempting to educate other kids. Make sure it's you who is the educator to equip your child with the skills they need to keep themselves safe. Discuss the issues, make it part of your dialogue with her. See what she thinks. Point out the dangers. Make sure you're her go to person with any worries questions or concerns. Don't judge her, gentle debate and discussion will help her reach her own conclusions. Explain why this is happening right now and who does benefit it, and who ultimately doesn't. No conversations or ideas off topic. Teach her to judge for herself what is harmful. Ask for advise on topics if you need it yourself on the feminist forum / women's place / ovaritt. Keep reading and up to date with it yourself. Think critically always. You don't need to get in to battle with anyone about it, just gather the information you need to keep your child safe.

Sounds like you are handling it correctly to be honest. I’m not big on affirmation of something that could easily be a phase. I tell my younger children everyone has the right to be who they want to be and to love everyone for who they are, but medicine can’t change a girl into a boy or a boy into a girl.

You are doing fine. Keep reiterating to her that no dramatic decisions or declarations are needed. That young people of her age don’t need to be giving so much headspace to this subject. She can be friends with anyone, and she should nod and smile and say something kind when her friends come out with this stuff, but at the same time she shouldn’t take it too seriously.

Oh and it’s not just girls on the bandwagon either!

It does seem to be ‘a thing’, my daughters friends started talking about sexuality and gender around the same age, my dd declared she was bi and then pan sexual at the age of 14, she’s now almost 17 and still describes herself as ‘pan sexual’ despite showing no interest in being in any relationship with anyone, I think one of her friends is bi and she knows several gender neutral kids in her year. She talks about it less now, for a while it seemed to be all she would talk about but I kind of ignored most of it (she knows I don’t care what she wears or who she ends up dating).

I have told dd that there’s no need to label anything and she just needs to be herself, wear what she likes, be friends with who she likes and dates who she likes, she’s just dd and I don’t need to have a label for who sexuality or gender.

You might find this an interesting read, OP:

www.amazon.co.uk/Irreversible-Damage-Transgender-Seducing-Daughters/dp/1684510317/ref=nodl_

I read it because I'm a teacher (secondary) and I see a lot of (usually undiagnosed) autistic girls who are going through this. It's a modern social contagion, fuelled by the internet and social media.

I agree with you that lately there has been a massive trend in young people, particularly girls declaring themselves as Trans.
It's such a difficult thing to deal with, as you said ths vast majority are not actually Trans, I guess a mix of puberty and emerging sexuality is confusing some and some are just looking for attention.
However in that mix are some genuine Trans kids who are going through a living hell on a daily basis, so it's not as simple as just dismissing everyone.
It sounds like you are actually handling this well, talking and offering your opinion about her friends is great.
If you have concerns about your dd becoming oved curious then I would suggest keeping an eye in her internet usage, there are definitely sites that will encourage confused youngsters along a certain path, others you really would not want her visiting at all.
Chances are she has no real interest anyway but if she ever did she will be glad of your support.

Yes same here. My dd's friend has announced herself as non binary, and has rejected the name she was born with an now likes to be known as the name of a foodstuff, can't say what as it might be outing but the whole thing is ridiculous. I would say it's just attention seeking.

Google Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria

My child came out as gay at 14, then declared they were non binary at 15. I have 2 nephews who were my neices.
My nephews have social workers and have counselling, its not as simple as " hey I'm trans and gonna change certain bits of my body".
The biggest problem i have is remembering the correct pronouns because, you know, 15 years of he/him and son is a hard habit to break.
I have googled information on non binary. I'm hoping this is a phase, but meanwhile support them. Them being gay has never bothered me, my mother was gay, so I was prepared.
You can only support your daughter, its freaking hard, even if she follows the current "trend". Keep listening and learning with her.

I would just chat with her about how she is feeling about it and be lovely and supportive to her. There is a big different between trans and non binary, and I have lots of friends (as a 40 year old very cis heterosexual married woman) who are one or the other. It's not really a big deal. They'll figure it out as they go and I would see it as a sign that your dd is very thoughtful and openminded and obviously has lots of friends who trust talking to her about things that may be difficult to talk about).

This does seem to be a thing at the moment, and mostly with girls from what my 14 year old ds says. I think it's a worrying trend and attention seeking for some of the children. Ds tells me there's a girl at school who is a girl some days and a boy others depending on how she is dressed, because obviously wearing a skirt makes you a girl and trousers a boy. The teachers have to go along with it as well.

It's not really a new thing but is just more obvious now as there's a way and a willingness to talk about it.

when I was young I wanted to be a boy. Why wouldn't I want that? Boys had adventures. they could go further afield on their bikes. they learned to drive earlier than girls. they grew up to be bigger and strong and have more interesting jobs.

eventually I learned that this was all just sexism and there was nothing the matter with me growing up to be a woman.

the sad thing is that so much of what I saw decades back hasn't really changed all that much.

This is all really helping, I appreciate every post.

Whether it’s right or wrong it’s made me feel so much better to know this isn’t just a ‘my daughters’ circle thing.

I need to educate myself more on this, so in turn I can educate her.

It’s so worrying hearing stories of her young friends binding their breasts and falling out with people who have forgotten which pronouns they are using that day.

At the end of the day, whoever or whatever she becomes or is will be supported and loved. I just worry about how exposed they all are to things that I would have had no interest in at their age

I can’t help feeling that the big, ignored issue is how entrenched gender stereotypes have become. It’s a difficult time to be a young woman, with so much pressure about how you should look and which “girly” behaviours you should demonstrate.
I see a huge number of girls who want to rebel against the stereotype but in doing so are labelled “non binary” or “trans” rather than just being allowed (by themselves, their peers, society) to be female in their own way

Its not exactly a bed of roses for tall, skinny, glasses wearing, gay and non binary identifying boys either. Especially when people in their sphere of influence basically tell them they don't know what they're talking about.

Interesting info.

My DD told me about 6 months ago that she was gay.... She's 13. I told her whatever but don't label yourself at this stage... There is no need for announcements about sexuality (never understood the need for this.... I didnt announce that I'm heterosexual)

DD came to me this evening and said.... I'm not actually gay... I'm a man. So I asked what is it you want to do as a man..... Cut her hair shorter was her reply.

She's still 13 and hugely influenced by tiktok etc....

I'm wondering what the next announcement will be.... 🤔