Help on reality MMC surgery due next week

[Scottishskifun]

Hello
This is difficult for me to write I found out at 14 weeks that actually the baby I had been carrying stopped growing and having a heartbeat at 9 weeks.

My dating scan was delayed due to covid shutting my local hospital.

I have elected for a surgical procedure under general anaesthetic but regardless of research I don't know what to expect after.
I have a toddler to look after and I'm worried about it affecting my toddler with my reaction.
I can't face the other options.

I’m so sorry for your loss. It is really hard, especially when your body still feels pregnant.
It’s a long time since this happened to me and things may have changed, but they gave me a suppository to open the cervix before the anaesthetic which I wasn’t expecting. It is over pretty quickly and then you are in a recovery ward while you wake up. I think I was a bit woozy for a while, maybe an hour, but I walked out and went home fine. There was a bit of bleeding but far less than a normal period and I had no other physical pain at the time. So you should be physically ok to look after your toddler, although of course your emotions will be hard to predict. I was almost numb at first and went back to work in a couple of days but it did hit me afterwards. And it had the benefit of being over very quickly, which was what I needed at the time. Sending un-mumsnetty hugs

I had an ERPC years ago and you're only under for around 20 minutes. Once you've woken up, you just bleed a bit like a period, but there was no pain. It was very straightforward physically. Modern anaesthetics wear off quickly now, so you shouldn't feel groggy once you're at home, but just rest up for the next 24 hours anyway. I'm sorry for your loss, it is a sad thing to happen.

Hi @Scottishskifun I found out at 13 weeks that my twins had stopped growing. The procedure is OK in its own right but take time to heal and talk about it. Physically you will be fine to look after your DC and will want to hold them close. That's ok, but talk to people. Talk about your loss. That's the important bit. Don't bottle it up. X

Thank you all.
I currently feel very lost and very empty. Knowing that I have been carrying a baby for 5 weeks is very difficult for me especially when I know after exams that my body has zero changes.

It hurts, my heart hurts and I have become horrible to my gentle loving kind husband who only tries to shower me with love and support.

I'm not a nice person and not worthy of any love

Physically it's a very easy procedure, I felt a bit spaced out for most of the day after. Emotionally the recovery takes longer but it's easier once the procedure is done and you can start to move on.
Knowing the little life that was inside you isn't alive anymore, but is still there, is really very tough. I found it hard going in for the procedure because I didn't want to give up my baby even though he wasn't alive any more.
But, as I say, the physical recovery was ok and time is a great healer. Draw strength from your toddler DC, hold them close because they're a tonic in troubled times.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My operation itself was very quick, I think I was only in surgery for under 10 mins and was home by mid afternoon

I felt 'cleansed' by the ERPC. I had about a week between finding out via scan and the ERPC and I felt like I was in limbo. Once the physical side had been dealt with, I was able to start grieving properly.

You are worthy of the love of your husband. Be kind to yourself during this time. Sorry for your loss.

You are worthy of love you are grieving and processing a very sad thing that has just happened to you, in the midst of this generally very strange time. You aren't a bad person. I'm so sorry this has happened to you.

Thank you for your support and kind words also for experiences.

I have been in bed all day and keep being sick as well as having cramps but no sign of anything so surgery is still likely

I can't really face anyone not even my husband I can't face talking at all just want to be on my own in a ball.

The do that for now. You don't have to do anything you don't feel ready for. Your OH sounds lovely - explain how you feel. Let him curl up with you if you can.
You are in my thoughts