11 year old only child with rage.

[Africana85]

My son is a wonderful boy, away from Fortnite and gaming. Totally different person when it comes to that game. He goes into rage towards me after I've told him several to come off and stop playing after hours of playing on it. The rage affects us in the household I don't know how to stop it, things have worsened this year, more since not being at school. My son currently has no desire or motivation to read any more, go out for walks, practice bike riding, playing board games, watching movies.
He gets angry at me and argues with me when I make these suggestions or ask/tell him to do anything.
I am open to positive criticism, suggestions, recommendations in what do do and how to go about things moving forward. My son is an only child, I am a lone parent. Things are tough I don't want my child to become unhappy or depressed not wanting to leave his bedroom or the house with Covid being the excuse.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/healthtalk.unchealthcare.org/does-your-child-have-fortnite-fever/amp/

It's the game. He needs to be told that he cannot play until he learns to control his emotions. If you allow it back when things have calmed, set limits and stick to them. Any anger and he's off it again.

The problem with these games is that wee will be one or two parents who lack common sense and allow their underage children to play video games aimed at older children.

This leads to other children asking to play the games and their parents giving in as they don’t want their child to be the odd one out in the class who doesn’t play the game.

In recent years we have seen parents want to be friends with their children and sadly that attitude may be detrimental to a child when they are indulged.

It’s like there is a huge rush for children to experience things earlier and earlier and as they get older they have nothing to look forward to as they have already done it by the time they are 12.

There is also an element of busy parents who are are stressed and it’s easy just to let their child play these games all hours as it keeps them quiet. The ramifications of this coming to fruition when the child starts acting badly.

It’s funny when I read about people wanting these games banned as that doesn’t resolve the problem which is parents lacking in responsibility.

Do your young child a massive favour and take the game away.

Was he able to go into school during lockdown or on his own while you worked? Sounds tough on you both

Having anxieties or being “sensitive” doesn’t mean you can’t stop the game.
What do you think is best? No gaming or restricted time allowed?
Decide. Then implement. It’s time to step up and parent. Not ask for counselling.

@Iggly

My ds and plenty of his friends play fortnite. He’s 11. Examples of wetting themselves etc - that’s extreme examples ffs. Plenty of him and his friends are fine and enjoy wider interests.

The issue is when he plays for too much. You have to restrict his screen time. Fortnite and other games raise your adrenaline so when he comes off, he’s in a heightened state. (I play it so I understand).

So, be strict with times. No more than 45 mins in one sitting. And no more than two hours a day. Learn the game structure - ie let him finish his game (you can’t save it mid game, they don’t last too long, unless it’s creative setting).

Then you turn it OFF. Don’t react to his rage. Don’t shout back. Just keep it short and sweet.

And find things to do together. We play fortnite with ds but we are also strict with getting out for walks or I go out on bike rides with him. He has guinea pigs so we play with those. But it takes strong encouragement and it means sometimes we have to do things with him that we may not necessarily enjoy (nerf war anyone 😂).

We also talk about balance - balance exercise with screen time.

And we also have days of no screens at all (it used to be two days a week) - those days are easier actually as there no asking.

Be strict, be firm, be fair.

This is excellent advice - work with the child rather than against them!

You sound like my kind of person. Bloody nerf guns - although I do find firing them cathartic given the current covid shit show!!!!!

My DS13 can limit his screen time well and has no more than an hour a day.

My DS10 is a nightmare who would play it from morning till night so I am really strict with his screen time. It doesn’t affect his behaviour if just rather he wasn’t on a screen. The last couple of days I’ve been quite relaxed and he has had far too much screen time, he looks absolutely shattered this morning and isn’t allowed on it all weekend now.

nimbuscloud

I am quite safeguarding obsessed too! Nice to meet you ;)

Yes, I did, I realised that most kids are teaming up with random adults or teenagers without their parents knowledge, which is another reason I decided to get online alongside him as much of the time as I could.

Not my bad though, that one is on the kids mum, who was clearly a lovely mum raising a good son despite the oversight. Guys remember just cause you can hear what your child is saying on the headset you can't hear what's being said back to them or by whom!

I absolutely think you all should limit screen time if it works for you and that most kids need less gaming.

My dss was wanting to be on there all the time and being withdrawn. That's why I wanted to understand what he was getting from it before doing a hard ban ( its not really my place to ban, I'm the stepmum!)

He enjoyed playing with me alongside so much that he would happily do 2 hours of chores if it would mean I had 45 minutes free to play with him!

Guys banning any adult thing your kids from doing adult stuff they have developed an interest in can just drive them to do it insecure anyway, priming your child with the realities of life and wisdom to do the right thing is a gradual and ongoing process. The virtual playground of fortnight is actually a pretty good place to train them up, but of course not for those who may get overexcited or have difficulties understanding the difference between the real and virtual.

My dss has a better attitude to losing in boardgames now for example, before he would always try to cheat or lie if he was losing!

I swear I proofread that, posting through the email app seems to cause a glitch! Sorry and hope yswim lol

My sons play Fortnite and so do their friends and don't have any bed wetting etc. Yes gaming is addictive but like pp have said limit and monitor screen time. Fortnite isn't even that bad if you actually sit down and play it.

You need to hide the games console for a while. He's addicted and can't handle it. If you take away the console he will be angry but once he realises it's not coming back then he will do other things. He is old enough to hear that his behaviour is the reason for no console and deep down he will know it's unacceptable.

"sensitive and has anxieties" - which his behaviour is demonstrating are made worse by playing that particular game.

Take it off him. If you need to remove the entire console do so.

He is a child, you are his parent and it's your role to make difficult decisions when he is not able to.

We had issues with them sometimes not wanting to come off their games. You can use various apps and software to lock the Xbox / playstation. So it allows them to play at certain times or for a certain amount of time. I found doing this never caused the same problems in terms of being cross about having to come off. Also if they're allowed to play at certain times so say on a Saturday between 10am and 6pm but with an overall limit of 2 hours then they have to learn to decide when to play regulating their own behaviour.

It's also flexible so for example you could temporarily lock screen time until they have done homework / tidied their room etc. You do it via your phone so no need to touch their Xbox.

Your son does sound a little like my eldest though getting cross about suggestions of doing anything else. My eldest is autistic and while he will do plenty of other things besides gaming his default is no. So I'll suggest that maybe later we'll do X and I'll get "no" back. Then in a few hours I'll get "when are we doing X?" He always needs time to warm up to an idea.

😂 DS loves a nerf war and my heart sinks when he asks for one but it’s nice to have a bit of fun 😂

There’s a lot of love for Fortnite in our house but it’s just of many things we like. It’s also good for DS to be able to talk to his school friends while playing fortnite and other games during lockdown (not randoms).

@alliejay81 your name sounds like a play on a youtuber’s name.