Work life balance and childcare situation, advice?

[Childcare0]

I have Ds5 and ds2.
Up until now I have worked around 25-30 hours (contract 25, often picked up overtime) , compressed hours over 2-3 days per week. Opposite days to dh so I have minimised time in formal childcare. Have had some help periodically from my parents and mil on days neither of us available.

However I have been offered a job I really want. It’s within the same organisation but full time it’s mon-fri 9-5. I’d also like to be off shifts and work a more set and normal pattern.

However the 9-5 would be unworkable for me as it will mean much more formal/paid childcare needed. To be frank, I’m not paid enough for it to be worth the juggling, And stress being away from the children. I couldn’t afford a nanny and I would never want an au pair (House too small and just not ‘workable’). so these options are out.

However I do have three options to consider, so any insight would be appreciated as I’m not sure what to do for the best.

I could do three days per week 22.5 hours, a little pay decrease but would mean we didn’t need any formal childcare at all. No nursery for ds2 or wrap around for ds1.
The drawback would be I know someone else who works with this arrangement in this team. They say work constantly spills into days off. They feel compelled to check emails and do work on days off. They feel stressed over the three days dealing with five days worth of Requests/phone calls/emails. Often miss meetings and Realistically no chance of promotion if they wanted it.

Option 2 is four days 9-5, 30 hours. I’d need some wrap around and nursery. So As a family, we would be no better off financially.
I’d have less time with dc. But I may find it easier to cope being in four days and not coming in to a backlog at the start of every week. Could work if I manage to ensure I don’t work on day off.

Option three full time over four days, something like 8-6. this would mean I’d get a full time wage. So would see a little financial benefit after paying for some nursery days and wrap around. However Depending on Dh shifts I would be frazzled at times as would literally have to fit in two separate drop offs just me, get myself to work and dash away to pick up on time. Also would see less again of dc and I worry how I/they would cope with this.

Any insight if you have been there or are currently working with similar arrangements would be greatly appreciated.

I don’t think childcare is available right now. Diminishing by the day

I’d organise life without it, to be safe

Should have stated both key workers so nursery and wrap around should remain available.

Would you be able to do 7-3? My job allows me to do this and I find it easier as I can do school pick up and not require Afterschool care. Would someone (dh or your parents) be available in the morning to do drop off etc

So for clarification I do 7-3 mon -thurs and 7-2 on a Friday. So 39 hours.

The extra nursery day would not make it financially worth it even if I could do 7-3.
I’m not sure it would be an option either in this team.

Could you ask you dm and MIL to have dc on alternate Fridays and that way you avoid the extra days childcare?

What are your dh's shift pattern/hours?

This arrangement would already see over three days mil doing two days and my parents doing one, on weeks my dhshifts fall on my working days.
On four days I’d be using a day nursery For ds2 plus wrap around for ds1 on this day.

So by doing five days I’d just be paying more nursery and wrap around and have very little to show.
Even if dh was scheduled off, the nursery requires set day payments.
I don’t want to ask family for any more childcare to do five days. If I go for it, it has to be one of these three options.

Could you do 8:30-5:30 4 days a week?

Possibly porridge that wouldn’t be quite full time would it, but a little more money. I’d still be paying the childcare however.
I don’t know if three days appeals more just to have that time at home with them.
But I know this won’t come without issue either.

To me the 4 days/30h option sounds best. Enough time at work to do the job without being frazzled, and not rushing to and from childcare. Presumably this will open up more career options for you, and therefore earning power, down the line too? Also, don't forget that your youngest will get some free hours at nursery when they are 3, so hopefully you will start to see more of a financial return.

I wouldn't overly worry about missing out on the extra time with them. Considering the relative returns in terms of career progression and the more relaxed work environment, it's a reasonable sacrifice to make. I am currently doing something similar, going from 4 days to full time, and it has significantly opened up career options for me.

If your little one is 2 years old, should mean the 30 hours will kick in in a year or so (if you are eligible) and you will see more of the pay rise? So 4 days a week at 8-6 may be worth it, if you can ensure you do no work on your day off and keep yourself on the track for promotion. Could be a slightly stressful year but often times, more seniority equates to more flexibility and obviously payrise

Can whatever you decide now be changed at a later point? Or would you be stuck with it (unless you changed jobs)?

my views on your options:

Option 1 - I suspect would be easiest on you with 2 young children. I also know people who've worked this arrangement and agree you can' t switch off on your days off as the job doesn't stop and you need to keep up to speed. However, you should be able to at least manage your out of hours work e.g set aside times that you will look at work stuff (evening when DC have gone to bed?) and be ruthless. Lack of promotion is, of course, a downside, but it might be ok to put this on the back burner for a little while if you are in the sort of career where you can look to pick it up later. How long will it be before paid childcare looks more financially viable (when DC2 gets free hours?)

Option 2: I would be tempted to go for if you can't change options later. Again, depends how long until the finances look a bit better.

Option 3: I think you will burn out. Unless you really need the money, this feels like the worst option ...

At what point would you actually be financially better off? When free hours kicks in for DS2?

In my workplace only 30% work full time . The majority work 4 days at 30 hours and the rest do 3 days.

Only those working 3 days are even spoken to as working part time and seemingly given less opportunities and responsibility.

The four day week people are spoken of and treated like full timers, they have reduced workload but have all the benefits of full time staff, promotions ect.

If you can be ruthless, chose Monday or Friday, put an out of office reply over the weekends stating you don't work that day. Our phone and laptop turned off and in a bag away and make sure you email tag states what day you don't work.
4 days a week I think is the key to work life balance for the majority of people, but it's down to you to cut the day free and stop it over flowing.

When does DS2 turn 3? It's worth keeping in mind that the nursery fees (or some of) will be temporary as you'll get your 30 hours entitlement the term after they turn 3, so I'd take no financial gain in the short term, knowing that the nursery fees will imminently drop and you'll then see an increase.

Financially better off will be when ds2 is at nursery 30 hours, would only have wrap around for both to pay then. There is also however the sick days to consider although grandparents may be more willing to help them as they will be doing less regular days.
And I just worry I will miss them going from 2-3 days to four. Those little things like a morning play group (when we are allowed) and an afternoon at the park with ds2 1-1 will be far less often if I do four days. As realistically the day off I have where ds1 is at school I will be doing washing/housework to keep the weekend free.
However I will definitely never get a promotion on three days per week in this team. That’s not a major issue for me however at this moment.

Could you do three days 9-5 and then one day of 2 hours to clear your inbox

I do 30hrs over 4 days (8.45-4.45), love it. I am almost full time (full time is 37 over 5 days) so the work doesn’t pile up and I get the best of both worlds.
Your kids will grow up and child are costs will decrease. Play the long game, not the short.

I’d do your option 2.

Admittedly I am the main earner as DH on a low salary but it would be the same if roles were reversed. I do
Intend to do 30hrs over 5 days once DD at school though - probably 2 long days and 3 very short so I can do pick up and drop off 3 days.

Thanks all for perspectives.
For those who work 4+ days do you feel as though you have enough time with dc? Or is it just a rat race of homework, housework on your days off getting ready for the next week?
Redsky I could probably fairly easily increase hours. Much more difficult to decrease them however.
No promotion doesn’t hugely concern me. Although there are the usual frustrations of seeing much less experienced people promoted after a year or two and always being overlooked.

I work two part time jobs and for me it's about boundaries. I have never got into the habit of working on days off, checking emails etc. If you are able to set limits for yourself and get used to saying "I'll do that next week I'm off now" it's perfectly manageable even though the work won't get done until I'm back I just schedule into my job plan catching up the first morning I'm back the following week. If your line manager doesn't suggest this then I'd be wary, as that is what working part time needs to be successful and keep work at work.

I agree with waitinggame and think the 4 days is great for many people. Mon-Thursday. Friday off.

I think your'll be surprised how well your'll manage. Especially once Ds2 is 3.

Are your children healthy? Or sickly. I'm quite serious because I'm very lucky in that I'm never ill, and both my ds's are the same. Some kids pick up every D&V thing going. Mine never had it once!

Mil doing every other week one day is fine. If she's called upon to look after sickly children or your employer gets hacked off because you are off every other week?

I’ve done 3 days. I personally think it was better for the children but less good for me. I never just worked 3 days - I probably averagely worked 4 but didn’t get paid for it so eventually got fed up. I think 3 days would be brilliant if you’ve got shift work that doesn’t spill over. I miss not being able to be at the school gate that extra day and it makes it harder for activities, less options for play dates etc.

For compressed hours, 8-6 only really works with a 30 min lunch which is a relatively long slog - although lots of people do those hours anyway. If you can swing it, and manage the childcare (which would be harder given longer day) it might be financially lucrative. I don’t think I’d be keen though. You won’t have long until your youngest is at school and getting trapped in 4 long days might not be the best pattern for that.

I also think you might just need to suck up paying for childcare. You’ve been very lucky to have got away with out needing it.

If you’re not bothered about promotion and can cope with some spillover work without getting irritated, I’d go for 3 days and see if you can increase next year to 4 once you get your hours and childcare/school closures less of a risk.

I'd do 3 days a week now and increase once your youngest is at school to 4 or 5 days.

Thanks all. I’m leaning to the three days for the balance for dc I think and I’d be hitting two drop offs/pick ups per week which will be nice.
It’s just the anxiety of trying to cram it all in three days!
I don’t know how parents do it all well. Full time (or near enough) work and keeping on the ball with career, keep a clean house, cook healthy meals and Ensure happy children. And actually have some time for own health and well-being I.e exercise/relaxation. It just seems impossible whatever option some aspect it seems must suffer

I hear a lot of people On here talk about Working more and having a cleaner.
Has anyone found this reduces their stress?
I imagine it must be nice, to walk in once a week to a clean home. But with dc who will make a mess again so quickly I wonder if it would be worth it and reduce my stress for very long!

I have a cleaner and it does help a lot, and it is really nice to walk into the clean house. I wouldn't be without it. It doesn't solve everything however. There are so many other jobs - clearing out cupboards, organising for things to be fixed, buying birthday presents etc - and these obviously have to be done evenings and weekends. However, unless both your children are at school and you have free time during the week, it's unlikely you'll be doing these things during the week either, at least not without sacrificing the park trips/play groups etc that you are wanting to be home for.

In terms of exercise, I find that being at work gives me the option to exercise during my lunch break, whereas if at home with the kids I'm not at all free to do it.

I don't really think there is any perfect solution. It's more looking at what your options are, and which is best for your own personal situation. Focusing on quality family time I would say is more important than counting the hours you are with DC vs not.