Competitive friends

[Billingsbe]

I need some advice for dealing with friends who have become quite competitive and judgemental. I get that everyone judges and I think that’s ok sometimes if it’s without spite. But these two have become extra critical of everything everyone does, they said some very hurtful comments about another friend which I should have addressed at the time. We’re all late 30s and it feels very immature! The Christmas period and lockdown seems to have made it worse. Should I distance myself? Or should I gently confront them?

What sort of things are they saying?

I have a friend who is quite judgy of others, she sees things as quite black and white and it is exhausting at times. I tend to glaze over or change the subject to be honest.

She is also quite competitive in relation to her kids (pushy) and their achievements, which is also a turn off. I let her off by telling myself that it must show a lack of self esteem, and possibly something missing in her life.

Silly things really, I think that’s why it’s so tiring! If someone buys a new car they criticise the brand, they make up financial problems in companies if someone gets a new job, whenever anyone buys a house it’s the wrong sort or the wrong area. It’s absolutely endless. The one that really hurt was saying a friend should be ashamed of her new house when we all know how long she’s saved and that some of it was inheritance.
I’m sure it is a self esteem problem but I’m not sure whether to say anything as it’s getting worse and I think they are becoming more unhappy. I also don’t want them to think I agree with their criticisms.

They sound vile. I recently ditched a "friend" for making endless sly digs.