8 year old dd says she wants to kill herself

[Bogiesaremyonlyfriend]

Husband left the week before Christmas, had an affair. Told the children but left it as amicable as possible, obviously not told then if the affair just that weve separated. Dd aged 8 is just in bits, has said today after hours long meltdowns that she wants to kill herself. I di t thubj she actually does it would try and hurt herself but obviously I need to help her I've no idea where to go first ir what to do for her. please help

Sorry I am no expert at all but didn’t want to ignore your post!

I would let your DD sleep in your bed tonight etc and do all I could just to be there for her and explain to her that it is totally ok for her to be upset and that you are there for her and always will be. She needs to know what she is feeling is ok. Her dad also needs to take her out and explain that he still loves her and will still see her but that you and him
just won’t be together anymore.

I also think you should give her a few days of doing all the things she enjoys most, to extent possible, in Covid times.

Through my job I have a lot of contact with CAMHS. One thing that stuck with me that I’ve heard two therapists say is that when children say they want to kill themselves, it’s an expression of their sadness but they don’t know how to express it, they don’t have the emotional language. So while your daughter must be feeling desperately sad and confused, she is very, very unlikely to actually mean she wants to kill herself. I don’t know what the answer is to help her, but I thought it might help to hear that.

Hi OP, I'm so sorry to hear this.

Please take a look at this link, PAPYRUS is a fantastic charity that specialises in the prevention of young suicide.

www.papyrus-uk.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/08/Supporting-Your-Child-A-Guide-for-Parents.pdf

Children sometimes internalise things to believe that it’s their fault and ‘if only they hadn’t been naughty’ etc then this wouldn’t have happen.

You and her father need to give her a lot of support and reassurance that she has done nothing wrong and that whilst daddy won’t live with them anymore he will be a constant in her life.

She may have school friends who’s parents have split and there is a lot of animosity that the friend had been exposed to and that may also be concerning your child that similar could happen.

It’s going to be tough for everyone as it’s a big upheaval but as long as she feels safe and secure and a new routine is established she will in time settle her emotions.

youngminds.org.uk/find-help/for-parents/parents-guide-to-support-a-z/parents-guide-to-support-divorce-or-separation/

kidshealth.org/en/parents/help-child-divorce.html

Book

www.waterstones.com/book/a-first-look-at-family-break-up-my-familys-changing/pat-thomas/lesley-harker/9780750288460

Thanks for the replies.

I agree with @Justnotfeelingit

She may be struggling to express herself eg she’s trying to say she doesn’t want to live without him there because it’s a scary, massive change for her, rather than she doesn’t want to live at all. She’s overwhelmed with emotion right now.

I think her dad giving her reassurance could help, has he spoken to them?

Yeah he has been seeing them regularly. I just know they will be fine with him, holding it all in and then I get 2 days of sobbing, tantrums and shit. It's just so hard

That’s really tough. So sorry

Maybe you could also try her school nurse or mentor, they may be able to offer support directly or advise in the right direction.

Have you discussed this with him today, what was his reaction to her saying that?

I told him last night via text and he didnt even reply! Will speak to school once back.