Sexless marriage

[TheUplift]

Together 18 years 2 young dc.
So many of our friends have said we’re like the perfect couple but we’ve not had sex in 2 years.
I had to have an abortion due to financial reasons. After that I said if we were going to have sex again he would need to use a condom. As Dh doesn’t like condoms he is waiting to have the snip he’s certainly not rushing this.
We are like brother and sister we get along but I don’t fancy him or lust after him and obviously he doesn’t fancy me either as he’s so happy to continue without sex.
He’s a lovely person, good dad and he’s part of family - my dad and brothers adore him.
It would break my families and my children’s hearts if we were to split but I’m nearly 40 if I wait for the children to grow I might never meet someone else?
I’m so miserable and lonely desperately wanting affection and lust in my life.

Anyone?

It’s time for you to both address it and put some effort in.
The current situation doesn’t help but when it’s over what are the chances you can book some time away just the two of you?
Make loads of effort. Get dressed up. Ask each other what you are in too etc.

Failing that start watching porn and using toys!

Also on an unrelated note- is your username from the film of the same name with Bryan Cranston? If so that is a good film!

It's not very clear what you are asking tbh
Is it the fact that your husband is reluctant to wear a condom, and shows very little interest in getting the 'snip'?
I guess it's something you need to sit down with him and discuss the situation.
With regards to you leaving and starting again, is that something you would be able to do? I know you say he's loved by everyone, but could you cut through all of that and start a new life?

I suppose I don’t what I’m asking but no able to talk to anyone in RL.
Could I leave? Probably not the children would be heartbroken and financially we’d be even worse off. In all honesty I probably wouldn’t be able to attract someone else anyway I’ve not had anyone fancy me in years.

No not the film just an article inspired the name :)

Uplift I'm sorry that you're in this position . Can you talk to your DH about how lonely you feel without physical intimacy ?

Were you physically close prior to the termination ? Or have things in the bedroom always been a bit lacking ?

You may find suggestions over on the sex board on MN if you are looking to reignite passion or show him what to do .

But you need to talk to him so that he appreciates your feelings .Otherwise I fear your loneliness will harden into resentment .

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/sex

It's very horrible when you get to this point. l similarly refused to have sex without a condom or snip and even though dh hates them we used them until he did. I think it's very fair enough to be nervous of having the snip, it can cause complications and did do for my DH for a while.
Before you consider leaving you need to explore every single avenue to save your marriage it is definitely possible to get that spark back but you've had young children (libido killer) and a difficult time, which you both will naturally associated with sex. You need to work through all of these issues and see if you can resolve them before you consider leaving.
Our sex life was terrible for about a year, it is now much better and I am very glad we didn't split over it.

I would talk to dh, lay it out dead straight to dh on how serious the situation is, how you've been feeling and if there's no change or at least effort on his side it will end in divorce. Don't hold back nothing, then if there's no effort after, you know where you stand

Could you have a coil, implant? Sterilisation?

@Oblomov20

Could you have a coil, implant? Sterilisation?

Why should the women take all the responsibility for the contraception? The OP has been through childbirth twice and an abortion. Maybe her body has been through enough and it's time for her husband to take some responsibility?

I didn't say she should. But she could. It's one option. If she chooses.