How can I put myself first this year?

[newyearnewbeginning]

I’m not very good at caring for myself or being particularly kind to me .

I find I think the worst of myself, assume I can’t do anything and just don’t try . I’ve worked myself up into a horrendous anxiety disorder, depression and a cycle of binge eating .

I don’t get an enormous amount of family support due to disability and inability to help. The one relative who thinks they’re helping, simply reminds me on a daily basis that I’m too fat and lazy - will actually say that on the phone . She thinks she’s helping, and it’s not worth explaining that she isn’t . I suppose the thought is there, even if the putting thought into action is making life much worse ...

I find I constantly say horrible things to myself in my mind .

I want to be able to do lots of things - I found a list I wrote a few years ago - but something is always holding me back . Guilt and fear .

I’m thirty in July and I want to feel confident in myself and happy and able to do something for myself .

What small changes could I make between now and then ? Needs to be little things or I’m going to panic - at the moment I hardly even leave the house so a start is probably trying to get up and go for a short walk each morning ... or trying to eat fruit and veg each day ... things like that maybe .

I find I constantly say horrible things to myself in my mind

This is the thing to tackle, if you wouldn’t say it to someone else don’t say it to yourself. Once you get off your own back self care becomes much easier because you aren’t constantly telling yourself you don’t deserve it.

Have you seen your GP about your anxiety? That's one of the best ways to put yourself first, as getting help in this way can help your life fall into place in other ways :).

I'm the same age as you and have an appointment on Monday to discuss exactly this.

Having been in your situation and understanding how anxiety can stop you from leaving the house, a couple of things helped me. If i had to go shopping/out of the house i would go first thing in the morning. If i waited til later in the day it would just make me more and more anxious.
The odd morning when i would wake up feeling good, i would get out and do something straight away before anxiety kicked back in.
What kind of things are on your list? I massively doubt myself but with gentle pushing from others I achieved things this year that I never thought I could.

I was on your last thread @LindaEllen, good luck for your appt. One thing is for sure, the meds I was on made me fearless. I stopped doubting myself in every decision, conversation, email etc.

Great post OP and you sound like you have a lot of insight.
Maybe self refer for CBT (search for IAPT or ask your GP surgery) as this can really help with the negative thoughts you've got into the habit of. It might be computerised with regular check ins with a therapist.
Good luck!

Pick one thing to focus on for the next 6 weeks.

I'd suggest starting with telling yourself every hour what you like about yourself.

Post a list here to get going then remind yourself every hour.

And tell that 'helpful' inner (and especially that 'outer' relative) to shut the fuck up with their unhelpful comments. If they haven't got anything nice to say then don't say anything at all. Every. Time.

You can do this OP. Start with one thing.

• inner voice

1. See your GP. Tell them you must get help with the anxiety as its stopping you living a normal life.

2. Look into self help - start with assertiveness training. Learn its not rude to say 'no' and its ok to have boundaries, and practice doing that every day.

3. Tackle one new thing about your diet every week. Cut right back on one thing that's bad for you - start with white sugar. Add a new healthy recipe.

4. Make a timetable for your day so it doesn't just slip away. Actually get some paper and write it down. Work out some time for housework, some time to read a book, and
   some form of exercise every day. Whatever you can manage.

5. Take magnesium and vitamin D, plus any other supplements you think you need, and practice breathing exercises to help you manage anxiety. They activate the vagus nerve and switch off the flight or fight response.
   While counting you breathe in through your nose, hold, then breathe out through your mouth. Your goal is to be able to count steadily up to 5 or 6. Practice every day, every time you remember.
   <a class="break-all" href="https://web.archive.org/web/20190511203459/www.thecut.com/2019/05/i-now-suspect-the-vagus-nerve-is-the-key-to-well-being.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">web.archive.org/web/20190511203459/www.thecut.com/2019/05/i-now-suspect-the-vagus-nerve-is-the-key-to-well-being.html

There’s a book called Feel Better in 5 that you might find helpful, here’s a link about it m.youtube.com/watch?v=hLfXzaxqAZM. It’s really small steps and manageable. You can buy the book or lots of local libraries have the book/ eBook or audiobook to borrow it for free.