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Original poster

Anyone else in a similar work situation?

16 replies

Lairyfightzzzz · 31/12/2020 13:42

Can I say from the off I realise how lucky I am to have a secure job right now.

But I am at breaking point mentally right now. Family bereavement before Christmas, now have to home school my 4.5 year old, carer to my CV mother (she has other care too so this is not all on me), in a small flat with dh and ds, no outdoor space. I wfh 3 days a week, dh is full time and out earns me by a considerable amount. He is nonetheless quite flexible and takes annual leave etc but its still me who has to do most of the homeschooling stuff.

My employers are also great but I just feel at breaking point and overwhelmed with stress and depression. I cry all the time. I badly feel I need to be signed off sick but the problem is there is literally no one else I work with who can take over my responsibilities. Like, no one else knows how to do payroll or access our HR records. & i would just feel so bad about taking time off. I have a new starter to train as well.

But I am completely at the end of my tether.

OP posts:
nosswith · 31/12/2020 14:12

Your health is more important. Not your problem if the company has not planned for this. Getting better is the right thing to do, and in any case if you are unwell how can you do your job without the possibility of mistakes.

Oblomov20 · 31/12/2020 14:17

What is the issue with work itself? Can you specify? Can we help you by defining it?
This is very tough on mums of young children. ( I have older secondary who are quite capable so it's been easier for me) But are you sure it's the work that is the real problem. Or the covid itself, the situation, the 2 dc rather than the job itself.

Is dd able to do any work online, whilst you work? Then let her just play or watch tv.

Have you spoken to your boss?
Do you need to speak to your Gp?

Runnerduck34 · 31/12/2020 15:13

Dont be too hard for on yourself,your employer should not rely entirely on one person .
You sound at the end of your tether and you need to take care of yourself, talk to your GP ,they will probably sign you off sick and offer medication/counselling.
I was in a similar situation a few years ago with my eldest dd who was seriously ill with anoxia. I liked my job and had no problems with it but it was just juggling everything that bought me to.my knees, the crunch point was when i was told dd needed full time care, couldnt be left alone and was too ill for school. I felt like a fraud but went to my GP in tears, i thought it was my dd that was ill not me but he was very kind and said you are under immense pressure and stress you need time off work and he signed me off and referred me for counselling and gave me a prescription which i was reluctant to take but actually really did help.me The relief at not having to juggle was enormous.
You are grieving and coping with a lot,i think you should be able to take time off for bereavement and home related stress. What is your relationship with your employer like? IF it makes you feel better you could offer to do a small amount of work for your employer so people get paid but keep it to.a minimum.

paisleybandana · 31/12/2020 15:21

I'm so sorry you're feeling so stressed and overwhelmed - totally understandable though!

Your employer has been very short-sighted in making you solely responsible for certain things. Can you talk to your manager about how you're feeling?

Regarding homeschooling... I gave up during week 2 of the first lockdown. My son was 5 and not engaged at all. At such a young age, I don't really think there are any detrimental effects... I would shelve homeschooling if I were you. Let your child follow their own interests for a bit. If the school is forceful about it, they would seem very inhumane to me

nevernotstruggling · 31/12/2020 15:28

Hi op. I lurched on like this for months because I felt too guilty to get signed off. I cracked in October. I realised after a couple of weeks off how seriously unwell I was it was quite frightening. Get signed off becfore it gets worse!

Oblomov20 · 31/12/2020 15:30

What job do you do? I disagree with previous posters criticising the employer, it's perfectly normal for a company to have someone solely in charge of accounts, payroll, HR.

Original poster
Lairyfightzzzz · 31/12/2020 15:36

What is the issue with work itself? Can you specify? Can we help you by defining it?

There isn't one in particular, I'm just juggling a lot of plates because I'm part time and because we are a small organisation.

I have been saying however for years that there needs to be a contingency plan in place. If I went under a bus tomorrow I doubt anyone would even know how to access the bank account, that's how bad it is. The CEO is totally disengaged.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lairyfightzzzz · 31/12/2020 15:37

And I'm basically in an operations management type role.

I like my job and I like my employer but with everything else added on top I am honestly just feeling like I am on the edge.

OP posts:
Oblomov20 · 31/12/2020 15:46

Understood. I think you just have too much on your plate, covid mum and 2 young dc at home. Rather than this being an awful employer.

Please take care in these terrible covid times! Your young children may be at home for many weeks in January? So hopefully you can find a solution.

Original poster
Lairyfightzzzz · 31/12/2020 15:56

They definitely aren't an awful employer, there are issues but by and large they are supportive. I just feel guilty and like I'm failing on all fronts.

OP posts:
Groovee · 31/12/2020 16:03

I've suffered a huge breavement just before Christmas too. If I need to I will get signed off. I'd really recommend that you speak to your GP.

moglovesmincepies · 31/12/2020 16:05

What do they do when you're on holiday?
Please look after yourself first Flowers

Original poster
Lairyfightzzzz · 31/12/2020 16:06

If I go away I always make sure stuff is covered before I go, eg I do payroll before I leave

And I'm always contactable in an emergency

And tbh I rarely take more than a week off at a time anyway

OP posts:
Melange99 · 31/12/2020 16:17

Could you write a series of idiot guides on all you do, where key info is, and make sure that owner and other key people know where to access this. This would be in lieu of a contingency plan which they do not have. This is probably another thing to do on your To Do list but mentally would free you up, and would allow you to take some much needed time off without feeling guilty. You shouldn't have to do this, but if it helps you it might be worth considering. Nobody is indispensable- nobody, and that includes you. I am not laying into you, just stating a fact. Your priority is to stay healthy and you need to get rid of the mindset that you are atlas holding up the world. Let others take a bit of the burden.

Original poster
Lairyfightzzzz · 31/12/2020 16:29

I have done that so hopefully would be enough

I totally know I'm not indispensable!

OP posts:
Jellycatspyjamas · 31/12/2020 16:32

The thing is it’s often not the job so much as everything you’re carrying but work is often the only place where there’s any wiggle room. I know I really struggled juggling it all last time even with an incredibly supportive employer.

You’re not letting anyone down by taking time out to cope and recover. It may force your employer to put some contingency plans in place, which is no bad thing. Better to catch it now than really end up I’ll and be off for much longer. You can self cert for a week - I’d do that in the first instance and see if taking the pressure off helps then maybe ask your GP to extend it even a couple of weeks at a time. We all have our limits, there’s no shame in recognising you’ve reached yours.

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