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Has anyone else’s teen totally lost their motivation for school due to lockdown?

12 replies

Slippersand · 29/12/2020 20:45

DD is in year 13. Taking A level English, law, RE and welsh Baccalaureate.

She was doing ok early in the lockdown, got 2 A grades and a C grade over the summer based on teacher grading.

She has always talked about wanting to go to university to study law and she assured me that she was getting on with her application, I always ask if she needs any school books or equipment but she’s always said no and feedback from the school is that she’s doing well and keeping up.

So, university application has not now appeared and I’ve had an email from the school to remind her of the deadline. It turns out she’s having a major crisis of confidence, feels that she’s slipped behind massively due to missing loads of school due to lockdowns and having to repeatedly isolate due to positive pupils in her bubble.

She is stalling on all discussions, not sure she’s smart enough to go to university and is basically struggling with online learning, motivation and is so lacking in confidence she can’t even write about herself in her personal statement.

She’s the type of girl who loves nothing better than chilling in her bed anyway watching trash TV so this lack of effort and routine has been very easy for her to slip into.

I’ve offered to help her write her statement and pay for extra online tuition if she’d like it, I’ve told her that university isn’t the be all and that we won’t be disappointed if she decides to look for an apprenticeship or trainee position but she must do something, simply laying around al day isn’t acceptable.

She says there’s no point in going to university if it means she has to d online learning as she just doesn’t get on with it.

She stonewalls any conversation and says she’ll deal with after Christmas.

Has anyone got any advice please? I’m trying to handle the situation carefully and am trying to let her make her own decisions but want to help too.

Has the pandemic affected any of your kids like this? She was doing just fine until all this disruption, just gutted for her.

OP posts:
Molly357 · 29/12/2020 21:21

This is so hard. My year 10 is also really struggling with motivation. She slipped over the first lockdown but pulled it back together once school went back in September. However when her school shut towards end of term she slipped right back down again and couldn’t even be bothered to get dressed. I am really worried about schools not going back in January as will adversely affect her well-being , motivation and academic potential. I think we would be in a similar position if we were in yr 13 so I feel for you, no advice really as not sure either.it’s hard for them!

Itstheprinciple · 29/12/2020 21:26

Yes, mine is only year 9 so not as much of a cross roads in life, although GCSE options choices are looming. She is a very able girl, naturally so (i don't mean to sound smug, it's true) but she has completely lost her mojo with school. She has been doing online learning every third week since September to help with the staffing situation at school and it is a battle to get her to engage. She says she can't do things that she can, but lockdown has massively dented her confidence. I'm not sure how to get her out of this funk that she's found herself in and get her passionate about anything again. The one thing she is passionate about which is performing and theatre has obviously stopped so she hasn't even got that to lift her spirits.

BarryGlendenning · 29/12/2020 21:29

Yes, my year 12 is similar, it's heartbreaking to be honest.

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Molly357 · 29/12/2020 21:30

This sounds so similar. Sports keeps my dd motivated and all this stop starting is badly affecting her. It’s hard when they are normally so academically able but
Lose their way.

Molly357 · 29/12/2020 21:31

The stress of worrying about her is affecting me too. Plus when I am working from home, I can’t help keep her motivated. I use my days off to help her with work snd keeping her motivated but it’s exhausting.

Sexnotgender · 29/12/2020 21:32

Yes. She got absolutely screwed in the results fiasco so lost out on her dream course (medicine) and is now on antidepressants. She’s in her final year and she used to love studying 😔

Stripyhoglets1 · 29/12/2020 21:39

Yeah my y11 is the same about GCSEs. Just convinced she'll fail so not even trying anymore.
I hope they cancel the exams if they close schools again as she was working hard when she thought the exams would be cancelled.

Savoretti · 29/12/2020 21:45

Am in absolutely the same position. DD same year as yours, very similar subjects, grades, also looking at law. Massive confidence crisis, she hated lockdown 1 and working online and yet now is desperately hoping schools won’t go back as she is so anxious about work and taking exams. She’d rather just stop and get teacher assessed now
I don’t know how to help her either, I don’t want to push her as that will make her more stressed and anxious. Not helpful I know, but just confirming you are not alone

NurseNancyandDoctorDavid · 29/12/2020 21:47

Same here, DD1 year 13, always law since age 8, on the Oxbridge pathway at school. She hasn't even applied to university for next year, has decided to take a year out and get some work experience, but absolutely stressed about the uncertainty and the sheer amount of extra work being sent out. She took Christmas Day off, that's all she said she's allowed.

Dd2 year 11, all grades 7-9 whilst in school, since lockdown has even been as low as 4, we now have a private psychologist involved and sadly she has markers for depression, with food restriction thrown in for good measure.

It is totally heartbreaking.

Rory786 · 29/12/2020 21:56

I'm in the same situation. Ds1 final year of A'levels, wanted to do dentistry but hasn't got any offers. I have no idea what he is doing and he shuts inwardly if I ask him. I really hope he can get his grades and apply through clearing.

Ds2 is in his first year of A'levels and from what I can see is not doing much work at all. He needs 2 A's and B for his course at Uni.

It's really hard, I can see they are slipping, but I dont know what I can do....

Flowers for everyone in this situation.

Knackerelli · 29/12/2020 22:02

Yes, dd is year 8 and very academically able. Works hard and enjoyed school. First lockdown really shook her and she ended up not wanting to leave her room never mind the house. Which considering she did a sports club every night mon to fri was a worry. She didn’t do any work; I couldn’t help as I was out at work and her dad was busy working from home and having his own mental crisis. Now back at school her work ethic has kicked in and she has put her head down and worked hard. Organised sport restarting has also helped. Leaving the debate about whether schools should close alone, it is a concern about how more remote learning will impact her mental health.

Flowers2020bloom · 29/12/2020 22:04

This is heart breaking to here and I don't have experience of the same but just want to reassure you that by missing the January deadline she is not missing out on the opportunity to go to university- there may be some universities or courses that don't take applications after the 15th but many do and in reality for those courses she is probably able to apply right up to the course start date - not really advisable but possible. So maybe try not to worry about that yet and focus on getting through day by day and on her current studies. Hopefully in a few months things will look brighter for her and she can see how she's feeling then

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