Has anyone's life boomed in their 40's?

[supercee]

I am nearly 39 and my 30's have been shit.

Nothing majorly bad has happened (bereavement, job loss etc) but nothing good has happened either. I have a job that I dislike but will put the effort into finding a new one in the NY, I'm single, my love life has been a non-starter, I get a whiff of something great and then nothing.

I don't have and now nor want kids, I feel my friends prioritise each other before me, I'm always last to be invited to shit if invited at all, like a last thought. I feel like they don't know 'me'.

Anxiety has also ripped through my 30's, it's a constant daily battle that no one appears to care about or understand. Of course they have their own lives, children, family etc.

That being said, I love to travel, I have passions. I have a lot to offer. I want to remain optimistic that there is a better life to come for me.

So has anyone's life changed in their 40's? Does life begin at 40 as they say?

Different path, as I had toddlers and a bad relationship behind me at your age, but yeh, for me, things got better in my forties. just turned 50. So that will be different again.

I would do whatever the hell you want to do and not structure your whole life on enhancing the possibility of meeting somebody.

If you fulfil yourself, you will draw in what's right for you. Don't go against the grain looking for a relationship.

What's making your life bad is only that you're afraid to do all the things you want to do in case it stands in the way of a relationship. I guess. Apologies if I've misunderstood.

Thanks @SnowyOwlWan I get what you mean.

It's not that I'm afraid to do the stuff I love, I do those things. I travel alone, I go to gigs alone, I love doing those things, my friends never appear interested in doing those things, at least with me, (unless I pay for it and they get to pay me back at leisure ) it's just I'd love to have someone to share those experiences with I guess.

But it's seeming less likely the older I'm getting.

Not just romantic relationships, I'd love to meet a fabulous new friend at this stage of the game too that will add to my life. Has this happened to anyone?

That's weird, I see your response in ''threads I"m on'' but when I click in to the thread, mine is the last post

Yes, I had a baby just before my 40th birthday and my 40s were the best decade of my life.

Oh yeh, I know what you mean, I completely know what you mean! I have two books about bravery on my list to read before I go back to work mid January.

One is that braving the wilderness by brene browne. At one point she was churning out books that were all the same (although I do rate her first one about shame).

I decided a few years ago that what I needed was to be braver so that if I didn't belong to anybody in particular (iykwim) then I would be brave enough to just show up, join in, go on my own.

This is my plan. I'm not sure if I'll pull it off yet tbh but it feels like a plan I can get behind anyway.

I'm single and did about 5 years of OLD. God that was a penance!

I had met somebody and we'd been together for about 18 months and then covid struck and because we didn't live together, it kind of put a distance between us. So that was that!

Ps , what about setting up your own private fb group, for single people in your area, so you get to vet the others a bit?

Friend of a friend invites. You sound really brave going to all those things on your own.

I did my first alone holiday at 42 and it was among the best I have ever had. I am hoping to do lots more alone things as my own company is often infinitely better than a lot of others

Yes, had a secure job that I could do long-term without moving house.

@Cheeseandlobster

I did my first alone holiday at 42 and it was among the best I have ever had. I am hoping to do lots more alone things as my own company is often infinitely better than a lot of others

Did you go with a group? Like i would quite like to go on a holiday for single people. Not club 18 type of holidays obviously but to see the northern lights for example, i would like to be in a group so i dont have to spend a holiday organising my life as well!! Enough organising.

At 43 after working in hospitality for 18 years I went to college and gained a HNC and now have a completely new job which I love!

I also met a great bunch of girls while at college and work with an amazing group of people in my new job. I feel happier and more content with life, my old job was dragging me down and making me miserable..

I had my DD at 41 and life most definitely booming here. Very happy. Life got much better in general at 35 though when met DH. I was in a rut and full of anxiety before that. He has lightened the load.

Remain optimistic OP, good things can and do happen. At 40 I was single and childless...and still am, 10 years later.

The narrative doesn't always have to be something like 'I got to 42 met my husband and had a DD then all was fine'. In my 40s I did an MA, bought a house, and have had 2 jobs I really enjoyed (having never previously liked any of my jobs), made several new friends (through work), and did a lot of travel - sometimes with a friends, sometimes with organised group holidays. Romantically it has been pretty much a washout though I have to admit, and I've struggled to make friends outside of a work context.

It is hard sometimes, as some of my longstanding friends have drifted off as they've had children and / or moved to different parts of the country. You have to keep focusing on what you want - the benefit of not having children is that you have more freedom to pursue what you want.

Just reread Megan's comment before mine, my comment wasn't aimed at Megan's It's just so often these kind of threads hinge on people saying 'don't give up hope! My friend met her husband at 41 and had twins the year after'. Realistically not everyone meets someone, or not for many years, but there are lots of other things to focus on.

In my 40s I auditioned for a pro-am panto and was on stage with Brian Blessed; took up ballroom dancing; had a baby; moved to the other side of the country and started a completely new job; met loads of new people; joined a choir; found more new people at a new church; took up karate; saw lots of bands...

In my 50s I have tried climbing, surfing, skiing, skating, gone back to dancing, met more new people at each of these activities, changed jobs a couple of times. Age is just a number. Only ill health will stop you doing interesting things.

I was a qualified librarian and by my early 40s I found that the profession had changed and my qualifications had become devalued. Lots of younger people emerging from the new unis with a bit of paper I did not have. My choices were:-

#1 continue and see myself falling behind and never being promoted

#2 step off the career ladder and do a degree

I chose the latter option, got a 1st from an RG university and that opened up new possibilities. Never went back into librarianship (which is a more or less redundant profession now). Did my masters and doctorate and became an academic.

It took a lot of guts to step away from a comparatively well paid job to return to education. However it was worth the gamble. I had a colleague who told me I was crazy to take the risk. Last I heard of her she was working in a temporary job share.

I think realistically I'll have to 'change my life' via a hobby or job. I'm planning on doing an Open Uni qualification and hopefully at some point I'll have the balls to find a job further away, where I'll have no choice but you make new friends, get involved in a hobby etc. Though I do like the city I live in it feels like a village at times.

My 40s have been one of the hardest decades of my life but also, unquestionably, the most beautiful and stable at the same time. A lot of life stuff has happened- all funerals and no weddings type of thing. My heart stopped suddenly at 47 and I nearly died. My brother faces terminal cancer. I kicked off my 40s with a stillbirth. Swings and roundabouts. Life doing its thing.

But the inner growth, the opening of the third eye, the enlightenment throughout my 40s... Woah! I feel like I'm levitating at times. My spiritual (not to be mistaken for religious!) and mental growth has been mind-blowing, like a high. My looks have tanked. But fuck it. What are you gonna do? There's Botox if you want it. I haven't gone down that route at all in my 40s. I did in my 30s.
All we have is now has always had meaning to me. Now it has 'knowing'.
The 40s are real but awesome. Apart from the heartbreaking stuff, the greatest gifts have come to me in my 40s, for sure. You really become a true and dedicated friend to yourself in your 40s. You trust yourself to do right by you... finally.

This is true. I wish Id started on that journey earlier, but maybe you just need to live a bit first.

Yup. Married the love of my life, lost a stone, found my dream job, started my Masters, stopped drinking, got fit and run 5k three times a week.

I’m not saying everything’s been plain sailing - it hasn’t. But I’m in a better place to cope with shit when it happens.

What authors, what material was the most eye-opening to you @TheVanguardSix ?
I have rows of books at home, but sometimes, the book that gets through to you seems surprisingly random. I love hearing what other people have read or watched or practiced to move forward towards awareness, self-support etc