Is this tacky?

[thedogandthecat]

My friend has lost her dad.

I sent some flowers a few weeks back and have messaged a couple of times to see how she is but because of COVID, I can't actually do anything.

Would it be tacky to send her a box of bath oils, body lotions, face masks etc?

She has 4 kids and doesn't really spend any money on herself so I feel like now more than ever she needs to stop, even for ten minutes, and relax.

But she's obviously very sad and I don't want it to look like in the midst of her tragedy I'm saying 'here you go, a face mask will sort you right out'

I think that sounds nice. Very thoughtful. I’d have appreciated it. X

Not tacky at all, maybe include a note to say something along the lines of, just a little something for you to have some self care time during this difficult time

that sounds lovely and thoughtful

Wonderful!

Thank you

When I lost one of my parents I would have really appreciated it if a friend had done this for me. Sadly no one did

I think it would be a lovely touch and show that you cared.

There’s a great website called ‘don’t buy her flowers’ which sells care package type gifts for situations just like this - might be worth checking out :)

Lovely idea and very thoughtful. As PP said I would include a note.

I think phoning would be most appreciated, much more so than messages.

I've had a rotten year with one thing and another and I know friends have been able to do very little but discharging their duty by sending a "let me know if you need anything" message feels like exactly that, that they feel they've done "something" when they've actually done nothing.

The gift is fine and lovely too btw but not instead of some real contact.

@Muddybuddy

When I lost one of my parents I would have really appreciated it if a friend had done this for me. Sadly no one did

I was about to say exactly the same.

I would’ve loved this when I lost my mum, very thoughtful, I’d pop a card in too, I think it’s a lovely idea

Sorry, pressed post too soon. So yes i agree I think this is very thoughtful.

Oh yes, a little care package would be lovely.

Is she the sort to like this? Does she enjoy baths and face masks? Will she have the time to use them, with four kids around?

I ask becayse I don’t like baths or use face masks, and if I was grieving and looking after four kids and had already had messages from you and flowers, I’d start to think you were intruding some what.

I’d maybe appreciate more rhe offer of some baby sitting, or a walk, something to give me free time or a shoulder to cry on.

Its a nice gesture. As it's her dad I'm not sure there is anything you could do (in respect to 'let me know if', which is a useless offer to be honest, as it then puts the onus on the person to ask for help).
One thing for anyone who knows someone who is bereaved is to please stop asking 'how are you doing/coping' etc. When I lost my husband I could just about cope getting through the days with two young kids until some one asked this, bringing it all up in a rush and making me feel worse. Bring people out of their current woes, don't add to it.

I might be totally different to lots of people but I didn't like it when I was sent flowers after my dad died and would have felt the same about the type of gift you are suggesting. In my head gifts are associated with celebration so it felt off.
I really appreciated messages though.

Yes it's a lovely thoughtful thing to do. When your mind is full of sadness ,it's nice to know that others may think about you.

I wouldn't have liked this at all. I didn't want gifts when my dad died.

@Bluntness100

Is she the sort to like this? Does she enjoy baths and face masks? Will she have the time to use them, with four kids around?

I ask becayse I don’t like baths or use face masks, and if I was grieving and looking after four kids and had already had messages from you and flowers, I’d start to think you were intruding some what.

I’d maybe appreciate more rhe offer of some baby sitting, or a walk, something to give me free time or a shoulder to cry on.

I doubt many people would see it as n intrusion. It’s showing you care at a time when it is difficult to. She can’t babysit can she? Unless she has 4 children outside at a distance.

If you've already sent flowers, I think that's enough.

If she doesn't spend money on herself, she's probably not going to appreciate the sentiment anyway.

What about sending her something like a cook voucher so she could get some nice easy meals. You could pop a note in saying if there’s an evening she can’t face cooking for the kids!

Lovely gesture, agree with a PP to pop a wee note in x