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Original poster

Are you not able look back at videos/photos of your DC because you find it too upsetting?

57 replies

Flowersblue · 28/12/2020 14:24

Are you not able look back at videos/photos of your DC because you find it too upsetting?

Do your DC look at them or do you think they will when they grow up because if not, then what’s the point?

OP posts:
Preparedtobetoldimwrong · 28/12/2020 15:55

It’s sad that people feel like this. I watch the films of when he was younger with my DS (12) a fair bit and we talk and laugh about them together. He remembers bits that me and DH don’t. Not only are we prolonging the memories, we are making new ones. Soon he won’t want to spend time with us - I’m making the most of it now.

MattBerrysHair · 28/12/2020 15:57

I don't find it upsetting, I feel grateful I've had those years and that there are many more lovely years to come. I do get a bit nostalgic for the baby and toddler years when I look at photos, but I don't think that's a negative thing in the slightest. Seeing my DC grow and become wonderful young people is just as special as having babies and toddlers.

Whyistheteacold · 28/12/2020 16:04

When I was a teenager I hated photos of me being taken and often at events, birthdays etc would go out of my way to avoid being in them! But I regret it now, there are no photos of me on my 18th, rarely any of me with my sister and brother. My brother died 14 years ago and I think there are only around 10 pictures of us together. For that reason I take a probably very excessive amount of my DD 😂 especially ones of her and DP playing together when they don't know I'm taking them. My all time favourite is one of DD asleep in her cot and DP asleep in the bed next to her holding hands.

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HeddaGarbled · 28/12/2020 16:10

Honestly, all the problems we have right now, this just feels like a made-up reason to be upset. I think you need to practise counting your blessings.

UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme · 28/12/2020 16:10

Blimey - mine are teens and I love showing them videos of themselves as tiny nearly bald people marching about and saying hilariously improbable things, like astounding alien beings - small walking, talking toddlers are remarkably incongrous and astoundingly adorable, but also hard work and best to look back on with rose tinted nostalgia glasses in video form...

TartanLassie · 28/12/2020 16:12

You're upset because you're missing the baby they were?

Sorry if I've misunderstood but that sounds awful. You'd rather have them as babies than the child/adult that is standing before you? It upsets you?

On my many many years on Mnet I've never read anything like this. I thought you were upset because they were dead not because they had grown up.

Again I apologise if I've got this wrong, it just sounds so weird. But hey everyone is different and I'm sure there will be others who feel like you.

TartanLassie · 28/12/2020 16:13

Unless you're confusing the feeling of nostalgia?

Stompythedinosaur · 28/12/2020 16:16

Not at all - I love looking at old photos. I remember how much I loved the dc as babies, but at every age so far I haven't been able to imagine any age being better iyswim.

Sewrainbow · 28/12/2020 16:17

I understand op, sometimes I enjoy looking at them, other times I can cry buckets at all the time that has gone and never coming back...

vanillandhoney · 28/12/2020 16:20

Isn't this more nostalgia?

longtompot · 28/12/2020 16:22

I find it difficult as my daughters both have mobility issues which they didn't up to the age of 8 or so. So to see a photo of them running and pain free is bittersweet.

Starllyow · 28/12/2020 16:25

Looking at old photos of my babies is one of my favourite things to do so sorry I can’t relate Grin

LaceyBetty · 28/12/2020 16:29

Just to add, I am able to look back and don't avoid doing it. I'm so grateful to have the photos. Just wish I had been more "there" when they were taken

Original poster
Flowersblue · 28/12/2020 16:46

Sorry if I’ve offended anyone

OP posts:
Sawyersfishbiscuits · 28/12/2020 16:56

We had DD2 very early and she was in NICU with tubes and wires.

I didn't avoid looking at pictures of her but I suppose when she was really little I hadn't looked at them for a while and then when I did happen upon the nicu photos I was very upset. It was a long time before I could look at them again.
Now she's much older she gets a little choked up when she sees them. She was so tiny and helpless.
Now she's a badass tween 😁

Dyrne · 28/12/2020 16:58

I think you need to seek some help for your feelings OP before you damage your children.

It’s normal to get an “aww, I miss the snuggly newborn stage” twinge every now and then but you sound like you’ve taken it to an extreme - surely you should be engaging with your child at the age they are now and taking just as much excitement in their new friends/hobbies as they grow; just like you did back when they were 2 and pretended that the 86th leaf they handed to you was the most amazing thing in the world.

You should be proud of your child and excited to see and spend time with the person they are becoming - not sobbing over baby photos wishing they were back there. It’s like wishing their personalities away to a time when you could control them better Sad

Agoodbriskwalk · 28/12/2020 17:12

Not upsetting, no, but definitely a pang.

I do miss my children at every age they were - because that 'form' of them doesn't exist anymore. I miss the funny little toddlers, and the babies whose worlds revolved around me. I wouldn't swap my growing, healthy, amazing children for their younger selves though. Growing up is a privilege that not everyone gets, and I wouldn't ever wish it away.

Definitely a pang of nostalgia though, and I guess a feeling of things being over that you can never get back again. (But then I think that about holidays and travel and times spent with other loved ones too.)

The best is yet to come - I firmly believe that, and every stage my children are at feels exactly right and I enjoy for different reasons.

GirlCalledJames · 28/12/2020 17:25

A friend of mine feels like this. I understand why. I didn’t realise before I had children that you are continually letting go of a version of them.

Underadesk · 28/12/2020 17:59

Is this still about your xmas videos op? Because people said that they don’t watch them, or because people will say that they watch old videos so you will use this to beat yourself again?

lunar1 · 28/12/2020 18:02

I love watching my children grow up. Achieving things of their own, experiencing the world and forming their own interests. Looking at old videos and photos doesn't make me sad it reminds me of the time we have spent together.

rosegoldwatcher · 28/12/2020 18:08

Not at all!
We digitalised all of the videos of the children as babies, toddlers, tweenies and teens.

Mine are both in their 20s now and we all love watching them.

TonTonMacoute · 28/12/2020 18:17

I don't find it upsetting to look at DS's baby pics, I like it.

Having said that, I would give a lot to be able to go back and spend one day with him when he was 2/6/9 whatever... however, he is a totally lovely 22 year old now!

Descant · 28/12/2020 18:22

@lunar1

I love watching my children grow up. Achieving things of their own, experiencing the world and forming their own interests. Looking at old videos and photos doesn't make me sad it reminds me of the time we have spent together.
Yes, this. When I look at my eight year old’s baby photos, I think about how I didn’t know what a fabulous, independent-minded little boy he was going to grow into.
Clawdy · 28/12/2020 18:58

It can work both ways, I guess. Eldest DS was a sunny, happy, bright little boy and the centre of our lives for five years. Then we had two more little boys, and his life changed. Years later, his two brothers have good jobs, partners and children. He lives alone, after several failed relationships, and works at a care home after drifting from job to job. Sometimes I blame myself, sometimes DH, but when I look at pictures of that beaming little boy, my heart breaks.

TartanLassie · 28/12/2020 19:17

Hey OP you haven't offended anyone. We're all very different. I do think what you're feeling is nostalgia.

Just thinking back to when they were very little. Just feeling a little sentimental?

How old are they now? It could be that you're a little depressed? Who wouldn't be after this year.